Once again... Bored.

James and I were bored, and CBA to do any heroics or BGs, so we messed up with UI which we both really hate, for the same reasons: it's a lot of work and a lot of getting used to. Especially if you've been playing for three years and suddenly your Interface changes... If you're a healer that could be a real fuck up tbh. Ah well, all for a bit of a laugh.




James':

CAGED

27 Feb 2008

9:25PM

The music plays and my thoughts drift away

Into the depths of the past that even you thought would last

The future was clear, we didn’t need eyes to see

What went wrong along the way will always be a mystery.

The stars above me still shine ever so brightly

But the promise in every one of them I could no longer see

The clouds shadow the light that once was your love around me

It doesn’t take a genius to know what has become of you who was once free

Free as a bird that flies around the happy scenery

Free to love without having to think if people think it’s not to be

Free as the heart that never had to pick up the pieces when they fell apart

Free as the space you’ve left deep inside of my heart, now I see

I never should have wished I was ever free

Because I’d rather be caged inside your arms if that is what it takes

To not feel lost alone in this endless agony

The hollow in my heart I shall keep it free

When you have returned, it will be yours to have

Just like the waters belong to the sea,

I will give up the beauty of being free

If it means I could love you for what the rest of my life shall see.

GO, Bro, GO!

Nope, these aren't my characters. It's my brother's Fire Mage and his wife's Protection Paladin. They make a good combo, she loves to do battlegrounds, he likes dungeons. But this is not about their gaming skills, they have been gamers for as long as I can remember so it's not a surprise they do great in wow. In fact they also have level 55 warlock and level 56 druid. It's the two characters James and I always wanted to have but somehow always end up making a different class other than a druid and a lock.
So I was having a chat with my brother on MSN this afty and I giggled when he said he is never giving away free food and water on his mage. I called him "the good wow Samaritan" because every time I'd log on, he is always helping someone in a low level dungeon here and there, helping someone with their class mount quest etcetera etcetera. I told him he should focus on himself on the game, but then I thought, he'd realise it on his own soon. He is very clever not to. I remember when I first started playing the game, I would really go out of my way to help people, most of whom I did not know. James told me once "do you think they'd help you if you asked them for it?" I said of course they would. But I was wrong. So then I thought, toss it. From then on, I only played for me and James and our friends playing WOW as well. As my brother said, there are only three kinds of people playing that game: 1. good or really good players 2. absolutely clueless ones 3. Elitists. If I had to classify WOW players it would have to be 1. people who know how 2. total losers 3. absolute twats. So gratz to my bro for keeping them biscuits for us alone! Why make food and water for pricks who can't be bothered to say "thank you"? /pity.

7th Heaven, A Novel by James Patterson

I've just finished reading the book my mum lent me yesterday. I lent her "The Ghost", so we sort of exchanged books :-).
She has many of James Patterson's books but I have not really been interested enough to pick one from the many bookcases in the house. But I was so bored of WOW, and all there was on telly were replays of footy matches which James has already told me the final score to, and after reading The Ghost, I was still in a reading mood, so I started reading 7th Heaven. Apparently it's part of a series, so maybe I should give it a chance and read the other six books before it? Personally, I thought the book was very forgettable, the characters lack personality, and the book was very, very predictable, that if it had been a film, I would have guessed what happened within the first five minutes, who did what and stopped watching. James said I am very good at predicting the ending of a movie, I always guess what happened, and who the bad guy is, or are. I didn't enjoy this book at all, to be honest. I like it when the surgeon said: "Crap. Time of death..." That cracked me up, really. I didn't think James Patterson used "honeybunch", "butterfly" and other terms of endearment far too often, and far too much. And I can't really imagine middle-aged women calling each other "girlfriend" face-to-face, like the characters on this book. Yeah, I can just picture my mum walking toward her mates saying "hey girlfriend..." I'm surprised they didn't call one another "BFFs", to be honest. And the way that Hawk and Pidge got busted is way too easy and therefore boring. So, I give this book a 2.5 out of five stars.

The only thing that made me smile about this book is Yuki. Nothing to do with her character, but I just suddenly remembered someone telling me three years ago that if he ever married a Japanese girl, he would name their daughter "Yuki". I also remember getting extremely jealous and I stopped talking to him for the rest of that night. I'm not Japanese, and never will be, and he just did not have a clue.

The Ghost

"I feel like an unusually dim lab rat in a maze endlessly confronted with alternatives, endlessly picking the wrong one". This is my favourite line off Harris's book, The Ghost. At first look at the book, I didn't think I'd enjoy it as much as I did. It's a very absorbing and a real page-turner. When I told James about the book and what it was about, he couldn't have said "Are you sure it's fiction, because that absolutely sounds like Blair." any quicker. I am not at all into politics for obvious reasons, I live in the Philippines, and ours is a big joke, an absurd one, some people call Philippine Politics a circus, but even a circus has a purpose, and more often than not, it delivers. This, of course, doesn't mean that I am clueless about World Politics, although I must say that I don't get out of my way to understand it completely. But my husband knows a hell of a lot more than I. He likes to watch the news, read the news, absorb the news, tell me the latest news, give me links of interesting news on BBC website, and every thing to do with the news! So I thought he might like to read The Ghost, and it sucks because I wanted to tell him about it especially how it gave me goose-pimples right after reading the very last paragraph. I've never read any book by Robert Harris so I googled him and learned that he's a reporter of BBC and was a friend to Tony Blair until The War on Terror. To be honest, I don't really care what his stand on World Politics is, or the war on terror, but I have to give it to him for having written a fantastic book. But I know that for those people who are not neutral, or anti war on terror, it is a different story. And that is another reason why I don't like politics, it makes people stubborn, angry and hateful because their minds are closed. It's a close second to Religion, if you tell someone your views on it, and if they are different from theirs, a heated argument is likely to begin. They immediately think you are trying to change their views on it when you try to voice out your opinion, but they do not see that they are also doing the same when they start laying out the facts and reasons as to why they believe what they believe. So you can imagine, I never talk about politics or religion with any one I know because it is pointless. It doesn't mean I have no opinion, because in fact I do. It's just that I'd rather be living my life than wasting it on trying to change other people's mind on something they have obviously and passionately made their minds up about already. And to be honest, there are enough people in the world to do that, I'm just thankful it is not me, or any one in my family. Living life is a lot better than telling people how to live theirs, or relying on Politicians' empty promises. They aren't there to help their country and it's people, they are there for power, let's not be hypocritical. This book made me think of the possibilities that it holds facts within it, but I'll never know the truth, because unlike Robert Harris, I don't have a heart for this. This book has a heart, and that's what makes a book great.

I like the review on The Ghost found on this website.

ELèCTRA in PVP & PVE

OMGWTFBUG

Three years later, this ever-so-annoying glitch still exists! There is no point getting a GM ticket about this tbh, they are never fast enough. I got it in AV twice in an hour and a half. People think I am a bot because I am somewhere they could not get to. I mean WTF? It kills the gameplay. The first time it happened last night in AV, I had to wait until the game was over and I could leave the BG (thank feck it let me). The second time an hour and a half later, I was stuck for a good ten minutes before getting the fatigue bar (I'm sure I had one in real life too) and then dying. It actually let me release spirit and I found myself in the GY.

Don't you just love GMOTD?

By foxyallen at 2008-02-23


By foxyallen at 2008-02-23

WOW Wot a Pally!

Every one who truly knows me know that I get bored of something very easily and it is no different in WOW. I got bored of my hunter because it was too easy, got bored of my shaman because I played her too much and in fact geared her up the fastest amongst all my characters, and I haven't gotten the urge to gear up my priest. So I thought why not get the paladin some honour for some piece upgrade. The paladin has not been played for ages! James plays the paladin far better than me, of course. We leveled up together, my hunter and his paladin, and we never attack horde unless they attack us first, and even if it was Tonymontana, we still could have killed him, together of course as he had Naxx epics then back in Daggerspine. (But he actually only have killed me once in Feralas when I was AFK) Man, those days.. I remember leveling up in the Outland for the first couple of levels, this level 70 warlock attacked us, probably thinking he was gonna own our asses. But as the battle ended in good old Hellfire, I was level 63 and James was 62 (he's a slacker), I was on full life and so was James. We later on realised that we might have killed the lock's alt (who also attacked us first). He should be ashamed. I wish I could have Fraps that, would have been cool. I wonder, did that lock think we were weaklings just cos we weren't in a guild at that time? We had BWL and AQ40 epics, and we, especially James has epic skills! There was another lock in fact, also in Hellfire, who dared attacked us at level 61 and 62, he dotted us both, but being MM hunter, I took his life down to half in one shot, and he went running for the hills. I could go on for ages. I think among our three WOW accounts, the paladin is the most enjoyable to play in BGs. Pre-TBC, I have played her on BGs many times to get exalted with Stormpike to get the epic ring and the ever so popular Unstoppable Force. The survivability is absolutely amazing. I could even tank Galv and Drek LOL. The only task is picking a good pro-DPS to heal, locks and hunters are on top of my list. If I see an epic MS warrior, I go for that though. I used to be an MS warrior, off-tanking in 40-man raids... Can't do that now haha.
I have been doing AVs and some WSGs whilst waiting for AV to pop, 24 hours later, I got 33k honour. I have 12 hours to get that up to 50, then James could go to CH and go shopping :-)
I can't wait for the expansion. There is no better experience in WOW than leveling up with James, and watching him wait patiently whilst I fish floating wreckages. They are so fun! You never know what you will get! I made a promise though, not to get bored of raiding too soon because James is the best healer not only in BGs but in raids as well, and he doesn't like PVP much at all, he likes to raid. But tbh, James and I would rather not be playing WOW any more when the expansion comes out. RL pawns all, even WOW.


By foxyallen at 2008-02-23

Silence

1:54PM / 20-02-2008

I can feel your pain,

Can you feel mine?

What happened to the walls that took so long to break

They are back again.

You made these walls even stronger

It’s hard to get to you

Without breaking my heart

Into little pieces I could not pick back up.

I can hear you cry,

But you can’t hear me

Maybe it’s because the tears fall in complete silence

It’s all I can do.

You might as well not be around

If you never care to feel

But if you can stop for just one moment, look at me

I’m still that girl who stayed when everybody else had left you

I’m still that girl who assured you there’s nothing to fear

And after all this time, that girl who loves you, she’s still here.

The Foxy List

Ten Things I can't live without:

1. My computers
2. Internet
3. Coffee
4. My Sony Cybershot
5. My i-pod
6. Pen and paper
7. My mobile phone
8. My sausage pillows
9. My little journal
10. Shoesssssssss!!

Ten Things I love the most:

1. Animals
2. Pizza
3. Traveling (n meetin peeps)
4. Sunsets
5. Stars
6. Poetry
7. Scary Movies
8. Beaches
9. Sky/Clouds
10. Rain

**Family, Friends and my pets come on top of all these ofc!

And the winner is...

By foxyallen at 2008-02-15

I must have been playing too much.. There has to be someone else in the guild who's online then... /hide? xD

Signs I've been playing WOW for far too long and far too much../

By foxyallen at 2008-02-15

By foxyallen at 2008-02-15

By foxyallen at 2008-02-15


More alt???

By FoxyAllen at 2008-02-15

And some other ss!

By foxyallen at 2008-02-15

By foxyallen at 2008-02-15

WOW Related: How inconsistent Blizz is sometimes...

Again, I was bored so I decided to venture into SMV into this cave guarded by an elite demon. I wanted to get a ravager pet and I can't be arsed to level up a pet and this is the only place I could get a level 70 ravager. I completely forgot how to play a hunter, it's been three months since I played her, and 8 months since I last raided. I am in a BT/MH guild, with SSC and TK cleared ages ago, but I have not been in any of the raids for eight months. I'm surprised I have not been kicked out of it. Our GM is such a darling. I don't want to leave and join another guild, I believe in loyalty. Three years ago in Daggerspine, I've only been in one guild until James and I decided to migrate to Kazzak since his mates have. Well, it was an awakening that I should play my hunter soon before I become a noob hunter. Haha, unlikely. But I couldn't find my tossing buttons, which is really bad. So, I tamed a ravager just cos they look cool, and I have one stable slot to spare. I gave it the name "DeepThroat" but it gave me an error message: Invalid Entry. I was like, wtf? So i changed it into dèèpthroat and it accepted that one. To be honest, I thought of DeepThroat because it had a deep throat. Tonight, James and I tested if deepthroat is a banned word. He put filter on, and did this:

By FoxyAllen

We typed deepthroat in many ways but it did not filter it. If it is a banned word, then it should be filtered if you tick on the "profanity filter"under options. Anyway, it's a game, should not be taken seriously, but it's just funny when people actually do /love at my new ravager pet. I can't wait to get a message from a GM regarding Ms Throat. Ah, poor little ravy.

By foxyallen at 2008-02-15

This is my kind of "shopping"!

So, since getting bored of WOW, I finally found the time to mess around with Photoshop. It's something I always wanted to learn, but never found the time to. It's so cool! I have been using it for ages but only for editing pictures mostly, I never really made something from scratch. So when James said he needed to make Thank You notes for the people who gave him cards and presents on his birthday (6th-2), I quickly volunteered. He said he was just gonna scribble "thank you" on a piece of paper, but I said I will make something nicer and all he has to do is stamp them since his mum already gave him the stamps. So he went to eat lunch whilst I played with Photoshop. I imagine how ace it must be for people who are amazing at Photoshop. James liked them.. well, eventually. After seeing the first one I made, he asked me to change two things. He sees the tiniest detail! I like that better though. I mean, he could have just nodded and and say "nice, thanks missy", but he didn't. I like that he is starting to be honest with me with things like this. I can't improve if all he tells me is "that's fine", or "good job". Ha, he even tells me when he does not like what I am wearing. But he doesn't get me to change. If he doesn't like what I am wearing, then he should just be thankful that he is not wearing it. But so far, he has only told me that when he was looking at my old photos :-)
So as a noob, here are what I came up with. I actually made some more, and I can now change the background of a photo, and I am also slowly learning about layers. Hopefully, I will not get too bored of it before I learn more...

The BIG Picture

Some say it's a gift, others say it's a curse. Depending on how you look at it, it could be either, neither or both. I remember every thing. Like when I fell in love with a complete stranger when I was only 13! It happened when I visited my brother in Manila. I know, I was too young. But I was so curious so I asked every one who could possibly tell me more about this stranger. I wanted to know anything and every thing. But of course, nobody could really tell me save for my brother. Unfortunately, he lives two hours away from me. I thought I lost my first love, all but too soon.
But you can't stop fate. Perhaps I've always known it was meant to be!
One school afternoon, I saw this massive queue near the Freshman building. I walked towards it and I couldn't believe my eyes! I didn't have to go to my brother's condo-apartment after all. As soon as my last class was over, I went to see how big the queue was and was disappointed to see that it's even longer than earlier. But I stood there for an hour until I finally got inside the Computer room. I was so excited that they brought this stranger to my school, I couldn't believe my luck. I chose the computer station nearest to the door and there it was right in front of me - the internet!
I remember every little thing. I can even say the internet and I have been through so much. But to be honest, that sounds really sad. I don't want to sound like a loser and spent all my time in front of the computer since I was 13. Because I spent a lot of time in front of the computer even before that. I was 9 when my mum got her first computer. Of course I hardly ever got my hands on it because she used it for her work, and she worked 24/7. Now and again though, she would take a wee break and she gives me a half hour to use her computer.
My favourite was Scorched Earth. To the new generation, it's an ancient game. But I don't feel bad. Because my brother, who introduced me to the game, is ten years older than me.. So, I just imagine how he feels when I get into moments of feeling old. Especially being married to someone three years younger than I.. cut me some slack here!
OK, so there was Scorched Earth, Mines Sweeper, and then there is the deletion of my brother's thesis that he worked on for months.. one click and it was all gone! I thought I was going to be deleted by my brother as well, but thankfully, our bathroom had a strong bolt lock. Otherwise I would have easily gone to the recycle bin, no doubt.


Ten Years Later...

Looking back now, I don't know how i lumped dial-up internet. But I suppose, if that is all you know, then you wouldn't really ask for anything else if you didn't know they existed. And that is why I came to love the internet. I found out a whole new world out there which I never knew existed. I got to talk to people from different parts of the world and learned so much more than what I have ever learned in school, for the short time I spent in them. I got to see photos of the most beautiful places in the world, listen to the latest songs before they even hit the radio in the Philippines, I even got to send a text message without having a mobile phone! And now the internet is even making people's dreams come true. Take for instance, musicians that have been discovered and given a break just by watching their home video that they uploaded on YouTube, like Boyceavenue, Esmee Denter, Mariè Digby, and many others. Without the internet, these extremely talented people would still be only singing in their bedrooms and would have not gotten the chance to share their talent with the world, and the world would have never been able to make their ultimate dream come true. Personally, I didn't post a video of me singing in my bedroom on youtube because that would be a complete disaster, but the internet still managed to make my ultimate dream come true: I met my husband.


The Bad Stuff

Of course, like every thing else, the internet is not at all just a world of dreams coming true and all the sweet things in life. I know there are a lot of worried parents because their kids are getting hooked and spending a lot of time in front of the computer. Since I am aware of the many bad things a child might see on the internet, when my niece Steffi stays over and I let her use my computer and go online, I make sure I watch her and tell her what websites she is allowed to visit. I don't have parental control because I am not a parent so I don't need that on my computer, and I trust my nephews and nieces when they use my computer to do as they are told. This is easy because if I catch them on a website other than what they are allowed to go to, they can never use my computer again. And they don't want that because they love my computer and my internet :-) I wasn't surprised when Steffi got an A+ on her computer subject in school. She is a very clever girl and she's a natural with computers. I like showing her photos of the some of the most amazing place in the world because I want her to know that even though we live in a third world country, it doesn't mean we have to be third world people. I told her if she keeps the good grades in school, she can go to a really good University like Harvard, Cambridge, Stanford or Oxford and she wouldn't need the internet to look at the beautiful places in the world, she can just go see them herself for real. And she can take photos of them and post it on her blog and share it to the new generation of kids. Her smile tells me she understood.


Internet = Freedom

As more and more websites spring, more and more people get hooked into the internet fever. I have asked so many people why they like the internet, and the most common answer was that they get to be themselves when they go online to talk to people. After all, even if they get rejected, it won't be anywhere near half as bad as if it were in real life - face to face. But I am also aware that many people like to go on chat rooms because they can be the person they want to be, or the person they want people think they are. The only difference is the level of how far they are willing to go. Personally, the farthest I went was lie about my age, my name and my location. My age because I don't think there is many people who would like to chat to a 14 year old girl. My name because to me, it's a personal information to tell strangers, and my location because I wanted to know if less people would talk to me if they knew where I was. Surprisingly enough, they didn't really care. It's the same response I got whether I tell people I am in the Philippines, England or Japan: "Cool, how's it like there?"
But people online who goes as far as lying about who they really are, what they do and how they feel towards the person they chat with is a different story. Most of the time, these people hurt - whether intentionally or not - the people they meet online. I had my share of this, but since I understand the internet, I eventually became immune to what people tend to do online. I also became a good online lie detector, so when the time came that I needed to tell someone I like him even if he wasn't a Chemist who graduated from University of Manchester, all my online experience paid off. I don't go on chat rooms anymore. The last time I went on one was in year 2000. I got fed up of bots and idiotic people who don't seem to know the proper way of saying "hi", instead they say "wot are you wearing babes?". When I first heard this, I said "why do you ask?", eventually, being aware of the nasty things on the internet, I now say "Piss off wot I'm wearin, you tosser", and click on block. God, I hope if I have a son, he wouldn't be such a loser as to not get laid in real life and go asking that dreaded questions to girls on the internet.. or worse, ask it to the queers freely roaming the net! I'll leave that to James if it happens.. phew!


New Websites, Old Faces

Few years ago, I joined a website called Friendster. It was only recently that I got bored enough to do a search on my old school, and I saw quite a few school mates. Most of them have not changed one little bit, some have successful careers, some have so many kids already! I think I am the only one in my batch who does not have a child yet. In my circle of friends, I am the only one who doesn't, but it's my choice. I don't want to stay in a marriage "because of the kids". I don't want to make every decision "for the sake of the children". And when James and I have arguments, I don't want to "want to sort it out for the kids". It's not that I don't intend to stay married to James because I do. We said 50 years so we only have 47 years to go :-). I realise that my husband still want to do a lot of things, and so do I. I don't want to stop or delay his degree from University of Manchester because we have children to consider. The last thing I want is for his parents to think I ended his future . I know well they don't approve of our marriage, and so I want to prove to them that just because we got married doesn't mean he can't have the degree in Biology that he always wanted to get. I have delayed it already, but James and I promised to each other that he will get it, and this September he is going back to University. I also don't want to have to tell my family I couldn't help them because I have children to take care of. See, if James and I have 47 more years together, then we have plenty of time to have children. We both want to spend as much time with each other as possible and go on holidays without the restriction of having children. I don't want to be like some of the people I know who have so many regrets, and wishes they have done the things they wanted to do first before they had kids, which is why they found themselves married in the first place. Of course, James and I can still achieve these things even if we have children, but the point is, I still want to do a lot of things for my my mum. Things she never got to do because she had four children to think about. I don't want to fail this dream because I have a child of my own. There is a right time for every thing. And the right time to give my mother the things she never had because she had to make some sacrifices for us, her children, is now. She is not going to be here forever, and if I want to spend the next few years giving my mother the things that would make her happy and comfortable, while also building a strong marriage with my husband, having children can wait. Having children is a huge responsibility, and in my heart I know that I am not ready. I want my children to have all the things that I never had, I want them to have the best. And right now, I can't offer them the best - yet. Maybe James and I should go on the Cryopreservation programme in case things take longer than expected :-D


It is better to be hated for what you are, than to be loved for who you are not.

My husband once told me that I am very different from the women in the Philippines. I was showing him the friendster profiles of my mates, and I told him I found some of my old class mates on the same website as well. He said I'm more open, straightforward and liberal. He tells me when he was on dating websites, the profile description were all identical: "Hi, I'm a simple girl and..." At first I thought he liked them simple and I was like, "well I ain't simple, like it or lump it".
If there is one thing that the internet contributed to what I am now as a person, it is that I don't care what other people think of me because at the end of the day, what they think doesn't matter, as long as I am not hurting them in any way at all. I've learned that if someone doesn't like you because you don't fit in their criteria, then move on. I was never scared to tell someone I am not like his ex, or that I don't agree with them, or tell someone to STFU when they start to stereotype women, or people from my country. So people call you a slut because you put on a dress that hug your body, or wear something more revealing than what they think you should wear? They call you a noob when you don't know what "irl, afk, brb, lol" mean? Toss it. At the end of the day, it's what I think and feel about myself that would count. People can go calling you anything they want, but if you know in your heart what you truly are, then that is all that matters. It's their loss if they never bothered to find out what else lies beyond what the naked eyes can see.
It actually surprised me at first when I found out that with the millions of people online, you are bound to find someone who respects your opinions, beliefs and the person you are. And for those who don't, you can always block them. Why fit in when you can stand out?


So it doesn't take one click to block someone in real life, but it doesn't mean it can't be done. In truth, life is one big internet. It's full of strangers, full of people you do NOT have to please. It's full of people who have the ability to hurt you, or even break your heart. But you can move on, and find somebody who won't do the same. It's full of fake people you do NOT have to tolerate. And real life, just like the internet is also full of people who are just like yourself - waiting for someone who would listen to them without being judged. Just because you are face-to-face with each other does not mean you can't have a meeting of minds. I once told my husband that if I had not met him online, but in a pub or club instead, we'd still be together. He said he would not have the balls to ask me out, but i said "I would". He must have forgotten that I was the first one to "send interest" to him online.

Are you ready?

Late Night Thoughts

06-02-08

1:36 AM / 5:36 PM

Come closer and let me hear you say it again

Whisper to my ear and say the words you never fail to show

How much you mean them, I’m sure as I have never been

We got it this time; just hang on a little bit longer

I can feel your hand slipping slowly

I can feel the trembling in your voice

I got you this time, don’t worry

I will hold onto you as you held on to me

You’ve been strong all along and now you’re feeling weak

You try to hide behind the smile, but even it has grown meek

Come closer and feel the strength from within

I will not let go, I will not let them win

The promise we made to each other will not be broken

Just hang on a little bit longer

Our love for each other is something that can never be stolen

Our promise will live on forever.

So just breathe, Trust me when I say I got you

For all the times you held onto me, I love you

Let me show you what you have taught me

I won’t give up, I will be strong and I won’t leave you hanging

You were my strength when I was weak just like you now

But as long as we have each other, we will make it, no doubt.

The RING

I was having lunch with Sarah one afternoon and I noticed she wasn't wearing her wedding ring. I asked her why she didn't have it on, and she simply shrugged and said "Shoot, I forgot". Out of reflex, I looked to make sure I had mine on. It made me smile as I got into deep thoughts the entire lunch date with Sarah.

During the first year of my marriage, I had a 'love-hate' relationship with my ring. I would take it off every time I had petty arguments with James. I would take it off when things weren't going my way, and I take it all out on James - or the ring. There was even one time when I gave it back to James, but of course he wouldn't take it back. When he left for England to sort things out regarding my visa, I had taken it off a few times, but I always put them (my wedding and engagement ring) in a safe place and I made sure I only put them in one place every single time. I take them off because I thought that way, I could forget for a moment that I got myself into a heap of shite by getting married so soon. I hated my wedding ring because it reminded me of, what I thought then, was stupidity. Despite wearing them on my finger, I felt them around my neck instead, I felt suffocated and caged. And it comforted me that even though I can't pull myself out of my marriage, at least I can pull off the thing that symbolizes it the best so easily.

But as months passed, I started to realise and see how much effort James had been putting into making our marriage work. He has done much more than what any one would expect from a 19 year old bloke. He worked so bloody hard and still found time to text me the second he opened his eyes in the morning, call me before he goes to work, text me on his dinner breaks, and then ring me when he got home from his 12-hour shift. He didn't do this for a day, a week or a month, but he's been doing it for the past 13 months since he left for England! He doesn't tell me when he gets out of his way to do something extra for me, but I know. And that is why I appreciate all of his efforts, and I realised that someone who doesn't have enough love in his heart for one person, can't and won't do what he has been doing for me. I know that if he could give me the world and every thing in it, he gladly would. All along, I've been blaming him for things he did not have control over. I threw all my frustrations at him, and he took every single one without complaint. Sometimes I wish the British Embassy could see how hard he's been working and maybe they will see that we deserve to be together - where we want to be together. To them it might be just a piece of paper, or a little ink for a stamp, but for James and I, it is our life. I suppose the saying "Anything worth having is worth working hard for" is true, but I can't wait for the day that I can help James more than I can right now.

Nowadays, apart from the daily text messages and phone calls, I also have my ring to keep me going. When I feel lonely, I always look at it and it seems to sparkle more when I am most down. To me, our wedding ring is just like our marriage. On one side, it is plain, on the other it sparkles like the stars in heaven on a clear night sky. The plain side is how other people see us and what we have, and the "sparkly" side is what we know we really have. The plain side is our down times, and the sparkling side is our best time. It's good to know that on our down times, we both realise and believe that when it has passed, we always have the sparkly, shiny and beautiful side to look forward to. All we needed was a bit of effort to turn things from the plain side to reveal the sparkly side. And of course, we will always have each other. Nobody can EVER put DISTANCE in between our LOVE.

Lucky to have one!

Even back then, I was very selective of my friends. To me, I would rather have just one TRUE friend, rather than a thousand fake ones. Back in high school, I wasn't exactly the most popular one, but I didn't care one little bit. I was in a popular dance group called TAP (Terpsichorean Angelian Performers) which was really cool and people got to see me perform and I actually got known in the school. But that wasn't the reason I joined the dance group, I joined because I love to dance. But even when I had the chance to have hundreds of friends, I didn't because I can't stand hypocrisy, and fake people. I don't understand why people just can't say "No" to someone they really don't like, instead of smiling at that person and making small talks, only to stab them behind their backs after. Maybe it was because we were young then, or so I thought. Because I soon realised that it goes on even after High School. Some say I am too picky with my friends, but I don't see any point in pretending I like someone when in fact I don't. Of course I'd always try to get to know them first before I decide I don't want them to be my friend, but when I have come up with a decision, it does not change - ever. I group people outside my family circle in three: 1. my friends 2. people i know 3. people i don't know; and I don't have any sub-categories for these. I don't have ranks for my friends, and people around me.

I have been through some really tough times, and it's good to know that in those times, I have someone outside my family that I can truly and fully trust. I am glad to have that someone in Sarah, my best friend. We first met when I was 7 and she was 8. We did not start out as best friends because back then I already had one in Abigail. But since she and her family migrated to Australia in 1997, Sarah became my best friend. She wasn't a replacement, but there were so many things that happened then and when a foreign land changes the best friend you have, it's not really easy to patch things up with the thousands of miles separating us.

Sarah and I are complete opposites. I will ask her to make a list (simply cos it's more interesting if she made one, and we can compare notes) and I will post it here, and compare it with my own. I suppose we make up for the differences with our likeness in the things that matter. She is my all-time clown. She never fails to make me laugh every time we see each other. And the best thing about her - she is REAL. She knows what she is, and therefore is not envious of others who are what she is not. To me, it is really important that one knows their strong points, so that when they dare to look at someone else, they can reassure themselves that they are equally good, if not better than that person. Nobody is perfect, buy if you search inside your heart and understand the good in it, we are all just equals. Every thing has it's beauty, but not every one sees it. And if you, yourself, don't see it, don't expect others to.

This is his corner...

Before I met my husband, James, I fell in love with this bloke who I thought could possibly be who I have been searching for. He was funny and clever and he wasn't embarrassed to say what he feels. I love people who could just be who they really are around me. We had an absolute meeting of minds, and it was powerful. But as every heart goes through at least once in a lifetime, mine got broken and it wasn't clear what or who caused it. A big part of me knows that it was indeed I who broke my own heart. I have a tendency to read words wrong, or interpret them the way they were not intended to mean. Sometimes I would understand words as how I feel, and I usually decide on how I feel, regardless of explanations. When I feel too intense about something, I am not a reliable person to judge a certain emotion. I used to pull away from positive feelings toward me as well, somehow I always manage to set an invisible line as to how far you could get to me. And with men, that line sets the limit as to how much you are allowed to love me. It wasn't good, I admit. It didn't do me well at all. But it was how I shielded myself from falling apart like the others who have fallen in love. James had successfully crossed that line with much effort, and for that I love him more.
But this is Gareth's corner. I owe him a lot of nice poems, and a lot of laughter as well.

08-12-06
by Me -.-

i know what i am about to do is wrong
but where do i go from here?
i've been staring at this road since you left me
and the tears haven't dried since then
my vision is still blurry
my eyes still sore
my heart is still empty
from everything i tried to ignore
it's hard to imagine life without you
mornings without the dream
days of not looking forward to something
that someday you will come and complete me
and piece together my heart
it's not broken but it feels like it
everytime i wake up and realise we are apart
i need to tell you a lot of things
but like this road, it leads nowhere
i'd rather turn back and not know
than walk on and find out I lost the dream
i waited for you for so long
dreamt of it a million times and more
in my heart i know you are the one i should be with
but i know that in yours, i will never be the one you need.


Found a poem I wrote ages ago. Posting it here anyways, One thing I love about WOW, it takes my mind of the real world, otherwise I would've gone mad long time ago.

19.03.2006

by Vei



How do you get over something so complicated?

You lose yourself in the mere thought of it

All my life, I never felt so obligated

Until the day I realised my life didn't make sense without you in it.



How do you solve something that is not a problem?

But a bitter truth that cannot be changed

It haunts me all the time and it won't go away

I can't fight it because I no longer have the strength to find my way.



How do I get over someone who had been a star?

Shining down upon me when I was low to the ground

He had been a dream but sadly, it all ended

And along with it, a genuine smile that has forever faded.


I truly miss you and I realise it more each day

I regret the day I traded you for another, I curse that day

You asked for forgiveness but I didn't listen to a word you said

I didn't know it was the last time I'll ever be happy, how life make us pay.

17-12-06
09:39AM

I know I've been weak to your charm
And I believed everything you said so easily
I never questioned how you felt about me
It was a mistake I seem to repeat so fondly

But nothing stays the way they are
Love needs to be nourished for it to grow
It wasn't really cos you lived far
But because you only wanted me in times of your sorrow

It will never be a question of how I felt
You know damn well I loved you more than you gave me a chance to show
I kept a special place in my heart waiting for you to fill it
But the waiting stops here, and I can no longer keep this

Maybe it was the right love at the wrong time
Who knows what it could really be
I can't keep guessing how you feel
Until you know what you want, we will never know the deal.

I have been stupid and blind for so long
I hope you enjoyed the show, cos now I know where I belong
This girl has realised her real worth
It's sad that you didn't, cos I would have loved you all my life,
I would have given you things you never had, or ever will
But the game stops here, finally
Look elsewhere cos your fallback girl is no longer gonna be me.



18.12.06
6:12AM

Everytime I take a step forward, you take two steps back
This scares me but I don't let you see
I don't have much courage in me when it comes to you
Because I've never been in love as much before I met you.
And I can say, there is nothing I wouldn't do to be with you
But when I try to get closer, you pull so quickly back
So I'm not that strong, you knew this from the start
It's not an excuse but it's hard to say when we are apart
I have tried many times to dismiss the love I feel inside
But I fail each time, cos I end up wishing you were by my side.
Somewhere in my heart, I know we will make it
"When" is the question I wish I knew the answer to
All I know is that I should be with you
And I feel that somewhere in your heart, you need me too.
I don't tell you these things that I feel
You probably will laugh at it and say, "it's surreal"
But in case I never get to tell you what's inside my heart
Just know that I have loved you right from the very start.


18.12.06
9:35AM

I can't believe I just told you how I really feel
Damn it feels good to let it all out
It's been too long to keep them buried inside me
And if I never get the chance to see you, I will be happy
To know that you know what is inside my heart
That I have never stopped loving you even when we fell apart
And the times you were away I have missed you everyday
Now that you're back in my life, there is so much to say
When I think about you, I wonder if you are happy
Then I smile to the thought that sometimes you wish you were with me
I long to be in your arms and be able to talk with no words
To be close to you is enough, I'd be happy
Not one day passed when I didn't think of you
Somehow I knew I will always be in love with you
I don't know what it was that you did and didn't do
But I have always cared and wished your love was true.
And I will keep wishing until that moment comes
I know you are worth every single minute
And if you decide you no longer feel for me
I still won't regret loving the person you are entirely.

Random Stuff About Me!

I found this on my myspace blog, i thought it'd be interesting to post it here for people who don't know much about me. Can't be arsed to answer these again so copy+paste ftw! :D
So, three years ago...

I AM: just me - happy, optimist most of the time, really nice and friendly if you are nice, but if you're rude, could be the biggest bitch... so be nice ;)and I am an absolute animal lover
I WANT: to be happy, that's really all
I HAVE: a lot of things that I am very thankful for
I WISH: I were with James right now and that we were watching a footy match, make that a live match yelling at each other lol :p
I HATE: social climbers and people who think they are better than the lot
I MISS: working!
I FEAR: spiders!!
I SEARCH: on google all the time lol j/k Im not searching for anything atm
I REGRET: spending too much on shoes.. bah, I lie!!

I ALWAYS: dream

I AM NOT: changeable

I DANCE: a lot :p
I SING: whenever I fuckin feel like it
I CRY: when Im angry and hurt, but mostly when I am angry
I WRITE: a lot, especially when Im down, angry and in a dreamy world
I WON: UPU International Essay Writing Contest in 2000, and a number of dance competitions when I was still in school (and when I was 6 years old in Malabon!)
I LOST: the person that I care most about, but he'll never know, would he?:(
I SHOULD: try to have more patience with twats and thick people

Yes Or No:
x. You keep a diary: - No, but I keep a journal of poems
x. You have a secret you have not shared with anyone: - loads
x. You believe in love: - absofuckinlutely


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x.The weirdest person you know: - apart from myself? Hmm. James, DEFO :p


x.The Loudest Person you know: - one of our regular customers @ wicked web, forgot her name


x.The Hottest Person you know: - i dunno... probably Keith, oh yeah, Gaz!

x.Your closest friend(s): - Sarah, James, Karen, Ging, my sister and mum
x.The People that Know the most about you: - James (weird as it sounds)
Do You...?
Have a (any) crush (es): - crush is for kids, I have a man of fancy atm ;)
Want to get married: - defo in the future
Think you're a health freak: - nope
Get along with your parents: - yep, thank fuck mum's got the patience of a saint lol
EYE COLOR: brown
BIRTHPLACE: Philippines
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(FAVORITES) COLOR: blue, pink, black and white
DAY: Saturday
MONTH: October
FOOD: pasta, pizza, anything spicy, Italian food (yumm)
DRINKS: Tequila Rose
SEASON: winter

3 things that annoy you: 1. Insecure people. 2. Poachers. 3. People who try so hard to fit in, people who pretends to be someone else and who goes the extra mile to lie about something that is pretty obvious to be untrue.

My World of Warcraft Characters

My World of Warcraft Characters:

Written on 10 January 2008

I miss old school WOW. Back in the days when you actually need skills to get stuff... I remember how much time and patience I put into getting the Commander war tiger only to be changed by Blizz a week before I got there, sod life. At least I got to Lieutenant Commander, even when I played with 10kms for weeks because I had that bug in BWL and AQ40 and in AVs. Apparently, it wasn't only me. People just take turns getting it. I remember going into Karazhan for the first time, and then a month later, Blizz made it so much easier to kill the mobs and bosses there... And now you see people in full Gladiator set and they haven't a clue how AV even works, after the Nth time it had been changed. I suppose it's that easy to get a leech-program to bot around in AVs, even a guildmate does it, but there will always be those type. And now that there are so many noobs playing WOW getting free epics by farming HKs in the middle of AV, the game is quickly losing the excitement and challenge that it once had - for me at least. I did one heroic dungeon with someone who marked a demon to sheep and sap. I wouldn't go zomgwtf but he had FULL gladiator set. I miss old school WOW, because once upon a time, epics meant skills and a lot of time getting bosses down, or doing a lot of BGs to get you a high rank to get gear what are only available to players who have such high ranks. Once upon a time, there were things exclusively available by players who deserved them. But I suppose, to Blizz now, as long as you pay, you get everything.
Oh, and just a random thought - where is the SPIRIT in Priest PVP gear??? What's the point of the spirit related talent? Priest PVP gear sucks for PVE :< I have some Gladiator pieces on the priest that I just got to level 70, but I wear blues in dungeons as they are clearly better for PVE. But since you get free epics in BGs nowadays, there hardly are people who are doing heroics and such. And even when you do find a group for heroics to do the daily, i pay more for my repair cost than the gold you get from completing dailies...
WTB the expansion, at least there is still challenge at leveling up... oh but wait, Blizz made that easier too (at least from 1-60)
And so I do something more interesting, I read :D
And this book is awesome! What an amazing mind Richard Knaak has. In the future, I want to have a son or a daughter who writes about Computer Game lore than play the games themselves. Such a clever person with such wonderful imagination. The book makes me wish there are real dragons, would be really cool

Ten days of no WOW and counting!

So, today is the tenth straight day I haven't played World of Warcraft. As I've said, it had become too easy. I probably would still play it now and again until I get my visa, but when I do, I will be living this life as it should be lived! I'm thankful that I had been given a lot of free time because it gave me the chance to learn a lot of things I always wanted to learn. I can play my guitar proper again because my nails are finally short enough. I don't know how I lived with 3-inch nails for four years, but oh well, at least I can say I've tried it and tired of it :-) I am learning Photoshop more now as well, and animated GIFs which is really no sweat, but I didn't know how to do it before :p Without WOW, I get to write again too. I've missed writing, I have almost forgotten the amazing feeling of being able to put what you feel on a piece of paper, and the even more amazing feeling of reading it days after and saying, "Wow, I wrote that?!" or "Wow, I don't know how I got through those times!". There are still so many things I want to learn, as I told my husband on the phone today when he asked me about learning how to drive, the list just got longer :-)
All this free time allowed me to spend it with my family and friends as well. Time is precious and every second I spend whether listening or talking to them is immeasurable. Soon, I won't have all the time to spend with them as much as I would like to, but I think that during the times I had nothing to do, it was when my family and friends needed me the most and I was able to be there for them. That, to me, is priceless. No number of epic Level 70 characters can match that.