England Diaries: Day 49

James loves his pudding, and I love making the sweetest stuff for him! :D

This London number that has been ringing me mobile three days ago rang again, and I decided to answer it to satisfy my curiosity. It turns out, it's this make-over modelling agency I randomly browsed online ages ago. The woman said i came second, and I have just won a make-over package, including a session with their professional photographer. She just rabbited on and I was completely lost, until she got to the part where I have to pay £30 as "insurance", and that I will get it back on the day of my scheduled appointment. She put me on hold to "check her diary", I decided to hang up. First of all, I am not travelling to London for something like that. And I'd rather send 30 quid home that give it to some make-over BS. I probably would have gave in if she had told me I came first haha.

I've been busy today. Did laundry, ironing, vacuumed the kitchen, fed the birds (and a mouse in the garden!) and made a nice creamy dessert for James for later. It is chilling in the fridge at the moment and should be ready after we have tea - I'm making honey-glazed gammon with potatoes and some salad. And I need to start making it now if it is to be ready when he comes home in about an hour :D Maybe I will eat some as well, since the practice nurse at Brim Clinic told me I only have a BMI of 15 and should consider eating more. How could she weigh me with all the layers of clothes on me... instant two pounds, zomg!
I don't really care what my BMI is as long as I feel healthy, and my jeans fit me ass!

England Diaries: About Day 48

Yesterday was James's day off and we spent the whole day out. Well, actually, two and a half hours of it in the cinema. I know he wanted to watch Indiana Jones instead but he knew I am a Sex and The City fan so that is what we watched. Man, it cost us £21 for one movie, 2 cokes, a packet of chocolates and a (too) big bucket of popcorn. We both don't like popcorn, but they didn't seem to sell any type of crisps, and I don't like chocolates, so popcorn it was. We managed to eat half of the popcorn bucket, and after that, I thought 'no more popcorn for this year anyway'. No cinema, either, I think. Back home, James and I spam the cinema. We'd watch two-three movies, one after the other. And movie snack certainly didn't cost £9! We usually pay about PhP120 for our food, and PhP180 for our movie tickets. It's amusing how warm it was inside the cinema. Back home, going to the cinema is just one of our excuses to cool off from the discomforting heat.

In all fairness, yesterday was not a bad day. It was quite mild, and not very windy, so it was a nice and comfortable 20 degrees. It wasn't sunny, but it wasn't windy either, so it was quite nice. The cinema was an 8-minute walk from the town, and apart from the honking the horn at me, and unintelligible comments from men in their cars (who, to be honest, should really be concentrating on the road), the walk was fun. I understand when it happens back home, because in all relativity, I wear less clothes. But yesterday, I was wearing just my skinny jeans, black boots, a white top and yes I had a coat on. So, I don't get it. I still think it is rude, and now I know that even in a first world country like England, there exists a lot of rude motorists.

So, about the movie, for a fan like me, I'd say it is quite entertaining. It's almost like watching another DVD (I have them all) of SATC. I was wacthing News Night last night where they were discussing (more like criticising) the movie. They were clueless. One said "the star of the movie is Vivienne Westwood". They just gave the movie high points for that. Because it is indeed a movie about fashion. In fact, Carrie made that clear at the very start when she said "people come to New York to find 2 L's: Labels and Love". Did they walk into the cinema and expected something Shindler's List-y? The guests on the show also said the girls haven't grown up at all. They are wrong, in my honest opinion. Carrie was never childish, it's just she struggled with finding the right love for her, but every time she was in a relationship, she always tries to make it work. And the fact that she fell big time for Big, made it harder for her to have a complete relationship with anyone else. Miranda, has also grown up. She realised that as strong a woman as she is, it is NOT wrong to love someone, even if that someone is a lot less successful and does not meet the standard she set for herself. She has grown up by realising and accepting that sometimes, she is at fault, or partly in fault. Samantha, despite how other people may perceive the phrase "I love you, but I love myself more" as self-centered, is just being true to her character. She has grown up by not getting tempted to have sex with her next-door neighbour (who I think is ugly, by the way) and being unfaithful to Smith. She tried being that kind of woman to stay at home and make a lovely tea for her partner, but it just was not that type of woman. And by telling Smith exactly that, she had grown up. Lastly, Charlotte, has grown up many seasons ago. For one, her only flaw was being this kind of girl who believes in fairy tales. But after her first marriage going down the drain, and ended up marrying her divorce lawyer Harry, she realised that it is not all 'happiliy -ever-after'. I like what she said in the movie when she was asked by her mates if she is happy, she said "I am happy. I mean not happy all day every day, but I am happy every day". I remember when she got married to Harry, who is far from the charming and handsome knight in armour what she imagined all her life, she soon realised that being a wife and building a family is not a bed of roses like she thought it was going to be. It's just the "reality" that the four women are privileged enough to buy the designer stuff that they want, and it's not like they had not worked hard for every thing they bought for themselves. It was their choice to be single for a long time and enjoy themselves, and spending on desginer clothes, shoes and bags is not wrong. If I had a great job like these girls, I would probably do the same. Given their familial situation, of course. What I love about this movie is how their friendship is showcased. Watching it made me miss my three bessys back home - well actually, Karen is not in Sweden :D

<

15:41GMT
the beauty of today
lies in the hope of tomorrow
and the chance to say
goodbye to all of yesterday's sorrow
the sun might not be shining
and it may feel cold
but the birds never stop singing
stop, and let the silence unfold.

¬ Vei ¬

The Naughty Magpie. I love the magnificent colours on them but they are very very naughty and greedy!

Bleeding Heart is my favourite flower in the garden.

England Diaries: Day 47

It's a lovely day again today. The past two days had been miserable, and yesterday it was raining. Although James and Maddie both described the rain as "heavy", back home, we call that drizzle. James know what I mean since he'd always loved the rain back home, but Maddie couldn't believe it when I said back home, our heavy rain will flood England.

It's so adorable to watch the birds in the garden. I have never really thought of birds as interesting until I got here. Back in the Philippines, all they did was annoy me. But those were the caged birds our neighbour kept as pets. He's dead now, God bless his soul. But seriously, his pet birds made such loud noises at 3AM! But I do remember feeding the sparrows at the back part of our house when I was younger. I was amazed at how they come from out of nowhere a second after u chuck a chunk of bread out. I checked the nestbox beside our bedroom this morning and waited for a bit until I saw a sparrow hover beside the box with bits of bread in it's mouth, and I heard the chicks chirping, and I was relieved. I had a dream last night that James told me they are gone.

I meant to write yesterday but I somehow didn't find the time. I was just getting up at 10:45AM yesterday morning (late night, don't ask) when Maddie knocked on the door and told me someone's on the phone for me. And it was my Auntie Julie in New Zealand! I didn't realise how concerned she is about me. I mean, of course we've always been close because when my mother was in New Zealand, Auntie Julie was one of those who looked after me. I call her "mama", and my other auntie (Auntie Sylvia) in NZ "mommy". As you have probably figured out, I am very close to them. It's really good to hear from Auntie Julie. I think she is mostly concerned about me missing home, and she told me that I will always miss home, but I should think of James and I and our life together and that I should think of the future. She said I will start to like it when I am making lots of money what I won't earn if I were back home still. She's got a point and I know she knows what she is talking about having moved to New Zealand in 1990. She realises that my situation is much harder than hers, or my mum's for that matter. They both had husbands who were in the right age (tried not to say old ^^) and settled. As Auntie Julie told me, she never had to take the coach because she always had her own transport, and she reminded me to learn how to drive as soon as I can. It was funny how she said "Beng, if this cuts off, you know that the card run out cos this is only a NZ$10 phone card" and we ended up talking for two hours! Since the phone card did not seem to be running out anytime soon, she decided to say goodbye because she had work at 6AM, and it was already past midnight when we realised we've been talking forever. She said that phone card would have only lasted twenty minutes if she rang the Philippines. Shame I am not in the Philippines when they go there this Christmas. Rubbish.

England Diaries: The CPP Experience

I woke up feeling grumpy this morning... James doesn't care much anymore, he's used to it. If you wake me up before 9AM, I'd either hit you or swear at you. That is when I ain't working. I would get up to go to work with no problem.
James and I left the house at around 9:30, and got to CCP fifteen minutes later. To my surprise, there were only three of us there for what they called the "Experience Day". Louis, who gave us a tour of the place was very very nice, and soft spoken. I was quite impressed with the place, to say the least. The mood room where a casual interview was held was chilly, but very cozy. Another bloke called Ben ran us through what CPP is all about, and allowed us to ask some questions. I didn't ask any because I have read the basic info on their website and Aiden already explained to me the ROTA and I already know how much a CPP agent gets paid. One of the girls kept asking semi-stupid questions, like "would I be able to drink my coffee and eat at my desk", "would I get a break if I were only working for 3 hours since I only want a part-time job here" or "what is the assessment test like" and a laughable "if I entered the wrong card number details on the computer, will I be able to re-type it?" And as expected, Ben's answer to it was "the computer will prompt you if you have entered the wrong card number". The other girl only had one question to ask which was the work hours, which I already know the answer to, as Aiden already explained it to me on the phone on Tuesday. In fact, I butt in when Louis was just about to say what the work hours would be on Saturdays. When the most chatty (by far) of us three asked when she will hear from CPP whether she's been successful on her application or not, Louis said that she needs to pass the written test first, because myself and the other girl had already taken the test online. Actually, I thought it was a different test he is on about so I said I have not taken the written test (he did not say it's the online assessment test), and he said I have and in fact he's got my results and I did "very very good" on it, as he put it. I like what he said after that "I could get you an interview today, if you are still interested, that is". I laughed my ass off (inside my head of course). I know I did not seem too enthusiastic in that room... because I am not. I just think I am not cut out for a contact centre.

From the mood room, Louis showed us the work stations, the gym and the cafeteria. He said the gym is open 24 hours a day... What kind of a loser would be at the gym at 3AM? The cafeteria had a little terrace, but I think I'd rather stay in one of the warm coffee lounges in the corner, thankyouverymuch. When the two girls went into the ladies room, Louis and I got to talk to each other alone. He asked me how long I have been in England for, and I said I have only been here for five weeks. He said he absolutely loves the terrace, and I said it would be nice to sit out there... if it wasn't raining. Then I told him of my rather traumatic experience about the English weather. How when I arrived here it was 3 degrees, freezing for someone who's just left 35 degrees. I said the English weather is what made my stepdad leave England. Then he asked a question I wasn't expecting: "so, are you here in England now for a bit f adventure?" Haha. He didn't expect the answer either.

He said he could give me a 2:00 1-on-1 final interview today but since James had to go to work at 1, I asked him if it could be tomorrow instead, and he said that's all right, so I've got to go back there tomorrow at 9:15. Whilst he was walking me to the reception, he said that I should not be nervous at my interview tomorrow, and I should let my personality show and that I should show my enthusiasm more. The thing is, how do I show something I don't feel? I guess I will just have to try my very best tomorrow at the interview. I don't really get nervous on 1-on1 interview. In fact, the group tour today made me more nervous because I thought we were going to be with twenty people. But even with only five of us in the mood room, I was still uneasy. I am not a teamplayer. I am at my best when I work alone, behind a computer. Until now, I am still wondering how the heck did I pass the telephone interview, the personality assessment test and the casual interview. I wouldn't say I wouldn't want a job with CPP though because the place is absolutely amazing. I dread needles and injections, but I am not scared to get piercings. In fact I had to have to belly button pierced three times, and I wasn't scared at all. I can dance or sing in front of a crowd which I did a lot when I was still in school, and I loved the attention, I wasn't shy in the least bit. But here I am scared to speak with three people and no one else around. I wouldn't say I am shy but maybe intimidated because I have not been here for long, and even though I understand English perfectly and speak it just as well, in the back of my head the voice what tells me English is not my first language so I probably suck at it just won't leave me alone. So that is the CPP Experience Day experience is like :p

___________________________________________
6:20PM
My father-in-law bullied me into going to Sainsbury's on my own, so I thought what the heck. I went and bought tomatoes, and as a punishment to him, I picked up a pack of strawberries and I know this is not the best time to buy them :D But for the first time, I was out on my own. It felt good, yes, but I already know I CAN do it. I just did it to make my in-laws happy, and James as well. I'm sure he'll give me a huge hug and a loud "well done love!" when he comes home from work tonight.

Champion's League Winner!

Moscow 2008. An absolutely exciting match. I thought we were going to lose when Ronaldo missed a penalty... But wait, "the heart and soul of Chealsea" has missed as well. I don't have time to get into the juicy details of the match, but ManU won on sudden death. There were raising hands, gay slapping, red card for Drogba, sudden death penalties and my husband watching it with me, there could not be a more exciting match. The King of the Woods is going to Future Walk with me tomorrow as he'd asked someone at work to cover the first two hours of his shift for him. I couldn't ask for more. Apart from some sleep right now. Gotta get up at 8 tomorrow :-(

England Diaries: Noisy Day 39

I'm supposed to be writing a detailed explanation as to why I have not been working for two years to attach to the application pack that CPP has sent me yesterday, but I find it incredibly impossible to even start. Not because I don't know what to say or how to begin with the letter but because it's so bloody noisy here. Every one is at work today, and as usual I am left alone in the house. Well, not really alone today because there are builders changing the windows in the entire house. They started yesterday and did the upstairs bedrooms first and now they are doing the patio door and kitchen and garage windows today. The kitchen is a complete mess and I have a headache from the noise of the drill and the hammering and slamming. Not to mention its freezing downstairs because all the windows and doors are open, so I am here in the most quiet spot I could find in the house at the moment. But even in this room I can still hear the drill and the hammering. At least it's not cold up here.


UPDATES:
So a couple of day ago, someone left me an answer phone message but even after listening to the message ten times, I still couldn't make out who the caller said he is or from what agency. I know it has got to be someone from one of the job vacancies I've applied for, but feeling really thick, I just took the number he left and I did not delete the answer phone message so Maddie or James could tell me what they make out of what the caller said in his message. I couldn't exactly ring a number not knowing who I am ringing, or which job vacancy it was that I applied for.
When Maddie came home, I immediately informed her of my dilemma. And I was surprised to see her listen to the message twenty times, and she still could not make out what the caller said. She faults the answering machine. I felt a huge relief and pride to learn that I am not being stupid for not understanding a local accent, which if I didn't wouldn't be so bad since I've only been living here for a month. My stepfather is a British himself and I lived with him since I was little, but still. After giving up, Maddie rung the number and asked them politely what company they are, and there we found out that it was CPP Recruitment what wanted me. But the person who rang me, called Aiden, was no longer there because it was past office hours so we decided I just have to wait to ring him in the morning.


ME AND MY CUP OF COFEE
Morning came and it wasn't a very good one. James was ill, so he stayed at home and phoned-in sick at work. I was having my morning coffee and every one was trying to tell me stuff I should do: primarily ring CPP. I'm just not a morning person. I hate being talked to in the morning before I finish my cuppa, or breakfast if I am having any, which is rare. I hate being told what I should do for the day before I finish my coffee. And to be honest, I just want some peace and quiet in the morning. I know it's not James's parents fault because they don't know me and since I am living in THEIR house, I just have to follow their rules and how they do things. It just makes me miss home more because back home, I can have my cup of coffee in the lounge in utter peace and quiet.
I know they are used to reminding James what he should do because he tends to forget... sometimes he choose to forget, really. But they should respect the fact that I am not like James. So, after Chris popped in the lounge to remind me that I should ring CPP (after Maddie has reminded me first thing in the morning), I decided to ring Aiden before I finish my cup of coffee, because I was sure I am going to kill myself if I get reminded another time before 11 o'clock. James was ill and I was on my cup of coffee which they know is all I have for breakfast, but CPP, I guess is more important.


SURPRISE PHONE INTERVIEW
I thought I was only going to book an interview when I rang Aiden back, but apparently he was going to conduct a phone interview right there and then. I was annoyed and nervous, and I wanted my coffee (yes, shut it.) so I didn't think I'd pass the phone interview. At the start of the conversation, he told me that if I am successful with the phone interview, he will send me more details by email. He was very nice and polite as he explained the two-week ROTA to me, and asked me what my work schedule preferences are, etc. And after asking me some situational questions, he said I am successful with my phone interview. I am not a phone person, to be honest. I hate talking on the phone if it wasn't important, so I was quite surprised when he told me that. I found out that the next stage is the "Experience Day" where I will take a tour of the building and see their facilities, and I asked for Friday, because that is James's day off so I thought he could come with me. But an hour later, Aiden rang and said Friday's full, and asked me if I could do Thursday or next week. I like to get things done and over with so I opt for Thursday even though I know I would have to find my own way back, and I know I'd probably get lost, but I have to do it.


I NEVER DID LIKE THURSDAYS...
I know I should keep a positive attitude, but I just don't think I am a contact centre material. I am not good on the phone, and I don't enjoy talking on the phone. Maddie said this may be a really good opportunity for me and a suitable job because she said my English is good and I have a Queen's (speech?) accent which is very intelligible on the phone which is what contact centres here look for. I am not convinced but I will go just for the experience... Tomorrow should be an interesting day...

My mother-in-law got me WineGums and even put my name on it. That means James, hands off me winegums!

Starlings in the Garden on Day 37

England Diaries: Day 33

It's 10:24 here and 5:24 back home. James left about half an hour ago and it is me and my coffee again. My brother and mum on YM. I'm so grateful that I live in this age of computers and internet. I can't imagine life without either. My mum showed me my cats on the webcam, and man when I saw Foxy, I felt a sudden swirl of emotions - I felt like crying but I chose to smile instead. Back home, when I was feeling ill or if I'm just down, Foxy would seem to know and he will just stare at me and lie down on my side and scratch me and meow like he is trying to calm me down. It worked all the time. I swear my heart skipped a beat when I saw Foxy on the computer screen.

I heard two good news in two days! Yesterday, Karen told me her Visa to visit her sisters in Sweden has been granted. She is going to stay there for three months and I am so excited for her. Her flight stops over in London, I joked she should come see me here. Of course it's not gonna happen. The other great news is that my sister got paid for all her effort writing essays online. I know how desperately she needed the money, so I am really happy for her.
______________________________

It's 11:20PM now. I never got to finish what I was writing earlier because my brother asked me to help him on WOW, and I thought it was only going to take 15 minutes. I ended up wiping on MGT normal 20x... I mean, DPS sucked. The phoenix was on me and I had to keep running from it and try to heal at the same time. They just could not kill the egg fast enough. So, two DPS left, and they found a healer so I went on my hunter and did 41% of the damage. Heh, go figure. Foxychick is retired now and she shouldn't be doing that much damage. So we killed Kael on first try. Drood had to combat res me cos I was eating Kael's fireballs... I missed that FD button :D

So I did not get to do much today, and tomorrow I need to make up for it to get out of this lazy spell that I have been in for the past two days.

The highlight of my day is having roast pork and champ with steamed veg and salad with James and Maddie. Chris is in Great Yarmouth to see Liz and I think he will be home on Sunday. I'm quite happy to have made up for last night's too cheesy creamy chicken pasta. They finished everything I put on their plate last night but I know it was too cheesy. I will have to remember next time to check if I am using the deep tub of cream cheese, because I am so used to using the small tub. It was Buy 1 Get 1 Free for the deep tub so we got it ;) So tonight, another two clean plates but the difference is that I know I did better tonight than last night.

________________________________

Just as I think I have stopped falling in-love with my husband, he does something amazingly sweet and unexpected. I love him so much that I don't think I could love him anymore and then he goes to the supermarket to get potatoes and comes home with a dozen pink, red and white roses. That is just absolutely endearing. £4.50 for roses is dear though... But what is it if it puts a huge smile on both our faces?

Hopefully tomorrow will be more productive than today and yesterday. Right now, I need to go to bed, and dream of home. It's really my favourite part of the day, when I can silently dream of home and all the beautiful things in it.

England Diaries: Day 32

"How long is she here for?"
"For good! Well, hopefully as she is married to my son"


It's 10:35Am here and 5:35PM at home. I'm having my first cup of coffee for the day and this nutty honey-flavoured cereals. Yep, that's right. For some reason, the milk here is actually nice and fresh and it doesn't make me feel sick. I always hated the smell and taste of milk, but the milk here is so mild both in smell and taste. Besides, I thought I need a bit more calcium in me.

I finally caught Sarah on YM! And I am speaking to her now as I am writing this. It keeps getting sunny and dark and cloudy outside, I feel like I am in a club with all the flashing lights. It's 12°C outside today, 14 degrees cooler than it was on Sunday.

My legs and hip have been aching since Monday. I think it's all the walking that I've been doing. It's catching up on me :p But I like it in Linacre... it's so peaceful and fresh.

Every one is at work today so I am alone in the house again. Only a few chores to do, and I might go to Balborough on my own later if my leg feels OK enough by 3PM.

There really is nothing to say at the moment. I just miss home. I miss our house and my cats, and of course my mum. I keep having dreams about going back home. Ah well, gotta live the life I chose.

England Diaries: Day 30

<<---- ^_^ I opened my laptop and got a cute note from my husband :-)

Today was another sunny day but not as hot as yesterday. Yesterday was scorching; it felt like I was back in the Philippines. The difference is that here, I don’t sweat like hell and I don’t feel sticky all over, so it’s not so bad.

Maddie took me to HSBC in Dronfield to get my Debit card. She introduced me to her former colleagues with fondness. She used to work for HSBC so she knew quite a few people who were there this morning. From there, we went to town and she took me to this shoe store in back in Chesterfield. She brought me about ten pairs of trainers to try on, and I tried them all on save for 3 which I did not like at all to even try on. It’s cute to watch her find all the trainers that were size 4 and pink. People have a tendency to think that pink is my favourite colour when in fact it’s not. It just so happens that the clothes I fancy come in pink and so I buy pink accessories and shoes to suit them. But my favourite colour is blue. But pink will do nicely, thank you very much. After that, we went home, had dinner and away she went again to collect her sooty boxes. She’s always moving around doing things, it’s like both of James’s parents can never stay still. It’s fascinating to see because none of my family member is that active. I suppose if they lived in the Philippines or anywhere tropical, they wouldn’t enjoy doing so many things and sweating and being sticky all the time.

I did the laundry and tidied up the kitchen and our bedrooms, and I got to sit down on my computer J

Four hours later, Maddie came home and showed me the pair of slip-on shoes she bought. Shame we don’t have the same size -.-

I asked her if I could sit and play some on the computer since I’ve done all my chores and I got struck hard by guilt when she said she doesn’t want me to think she is obligating me to do chores. So I played some WOW with Jes, and did an enchant for my brother and got stiff bored of it so I read Cosmo UK instead. All I see on the cosmo here is “how to fake a tan” or “get a FAB tan this summer!” and I really can’t relate to that in the slightest… Back home it’s all “whitening products” and here it’s the opposite. People just never get contentment with what they have, do they? It’s always the one they can never have or be. Ah, well, I guess that is one of the many irony of life.

______________________________

I feel so proud when after having their tea, they asked me if they can have more of the cheesecake I made the other night. That means they liked it after having a taste last night! They had a fat slice each as well, mind you.

So, it’s 9PM now and I’m just waiting for James to come home from work. I’ve already made him his tea, it’s just a sandwich and salad today as he doesn’t like heavy meals late night.
I’ve just filled in the form from the Doctor’s that Maddie picked up for me this afty. Tomorrow, we’re going there to have me registered, etc.

I like her a lot, she’s very nice and helpful. In fact today, she popped in the Asian Store in Chesterfield and spoke to a Filipina who worked there (possibly own the store) and she was told I should get in touch to meet the other 40 of them who live here in Chesterfield. I doubt that I will fit in though, I am guessing they would be much much older than me, but it still would be nice to see and know another Filipino soul here J

So, that is pretty much what my day has been like. Not as interesting as yesterday, but marking my first month here, this is heaven compared to when I first arrived. I am wearing only a cotton top and cropped trousers and I feel warm. An angel watches over me… I just wish this angel could help me find a job haha. Well, Viv, you need to try to start with. Indeed.

England Diaries: Day 31

"She's got lovely long hair, doesn't she?"
Today had been much cooler than the past four days. It wasn't cold but it was chilly and although the sun did shine a little bit for most of the day, it had been quite windy.

As planned yesterday, Maddie took me to the Medical Centre in Brimington to get me registered at the Doctor's and to get me a set of contraceptives. After giving me a prescription for my pills, the doctor said I should book an appointment with a practice nurse so they could get me a complete medical assessment/history for NHS record. So I did as soon as I came out of the office, and the receptionist booked me for 30 May.

Just next door to the Medical Centre was the chemist. I just handed in my prescription and I got them for free. It's great because back home, it cost me 500 pesos for a month long strip.

After that, Maddie and I went to Chesterfield Town Centre and got me shoes repaired. And then we popped in the Asian Store and there I met Emy. She is a Filipina from Bacolod City, I'd say she looked about 40ish. She invited me to join the Filipino Club in Chesterfield which she said had about fifty members. She showed me a photograph taken in one of their gatherings and I'd say the average age of the people who were there was 40. I'd like to meet them because it's nice to know someone from the Philippines but I doubt I will have fun in their gatherings. I will pay for the membership of £3.50 and take James to their Independence Day celebration on the 21st of June (it's really on the 12th but they are celebrating it on the 21st, probably to work around people's schedules), and see how it goes. She warned me not to trust the other Filipino living here especially the men, she said if I was going to do something behind my husband's back, I should just be careful and that really put me off. Is that what people she knew here did and she thought I was going to do the same? Truly, it disgusted me. But well, she said she will get me some Del Monte Italian Style Spaghetti Sauce and that'd be great because James likes that stuff. The best part of the trip there was that I got Century Tuna (hot & spicy), Nestle all-purpose cream, fruit cocktail and pancit canton (the only thing I am missing is Elena to cook it for me haha).

After going to couple more shops with Maddie, we went home to have dinner, and away she went again to collect her sooty boxes. While she was away, I decided I deserved some pancit canton (man, i was dying to eat that stuff) and then I tidied up and did some chores. I made fruit salad (remember the fruit salad and cream from the Asian Store?) for Chris and Maddie which they had for afters, and I made a hefty serving for James with his chocolate cheesecake, which he had after his chicken casserole that I had cooked for tea.

Just as James and I were sat and watching 'How to Look Good Naked' on telly, Wendy rang and said she pulled a muscle on her leg and so we had to go over and help her out. I thought I was going to pull a muscle of my own walking up the hill to get to their house because my right leg and hip were hurting since yesterday. I think my muscles are all stressed out from all the walking that I had been doing, and it is just getting used to all the work that I have never done before. Trust me, I NEVER walked in the Philippines. It's always a jeepney or a trike. Or I rented a car or van if I needed to go to Manila. But around the town, it's jeeps and trikes. Halfway through Wendy's house, James rang his mum and about two minutes later, she drove past us and we got in the car. It was very chilly out there and it was 8:30 at night so it's a good thing she came. It was much, much cooler in the car :D
After fifteen minutes, they decided to take her to the hospital so we drove her there and waited about forty minutes until her name was called out. Ten seconds later, James's dad arrived and collected us and now we are home and I am typing this on Works because the internet is not working at the moment. So let me try and restart this computer to get this online :D

England Diaries: Day 29

I'm too knackered to write details of my day but it had been a fantastic day. Here are photos of my day instead:

Linacre Reservoir, Cutthorpe
Newstead Abbey, Nottinghamshire

Remembering a good friend on Day 28.

My friend Karen told me a shocking news two days ago but I couldn't believe it, rather, I refused to believe it. She said that someone had sent her a text message that our friend Lorna has passed away. I've known Lorna for seven years, we worked together in ADI Telecoms back when I was only 16. Karen and she met at my wedding 3 years ago and I know they've been in-touch since.

This morning, that news has been confirmed by my bestmate, Sarah. She said that Lorna died of a blockage in her vein(s). She is only 28, and that's way too young to die. She's been through so much though. She's been doing a job she hates so much for the past five years, but she stayed because her family needed her to have a job. I feel absolutely guilty because she had wanted to see me in March, just before I left The Philippines. I said I'd come see her with James , but I never found the time to. I always sucked at keeping in-touch with my mates. They'd text me, and I'd usually read it half-asleep (being in a time zone all my own) and completely forget about it when I wake up. I never got to text her to tell her I was leaving either, and I failed to pop in at her workplace which is about ten minutes away from where I lived. She's great in keeping in-touch though. She'd always text me just to ask how things are. She'd even come around my house to see me. That's one thing I wish I were, but I just really suck at keeping in-touch. Maybe I don't really try, which sucks even worse.

She had a much much tougher life than me, and I suppose God knew when to stop. To the people one leaves behind, death is a punishment. But personally, I think that death is the ultimate reward for all the sacrifices and hardship we overcome in this world. I don't think dying is something to be scared of, every battle is won in the end when your soul is free of everything, and you get ultimate peace of heart and mind. But for the people one leaves behind, death is a curse.

The last time I saw Lorna was at my wedding. She tried to get a hold of me many times. I think she needed me. But how was I to know? She's always laughing and joking even in her text messages. I wish I knew what lies behind people's smiles... Because I know, that even mine, often deceive people. I just really wish I could've been there for her. And now, I can't even be at her funeral because I'm eight thousand miles away from home. It's when prayers are all I got, and faith that Lorna is in a better place now.

I'd like to send my most sincere condolences to the Mallari family. I'm so sorry for your loss.

England Diaries: Day 26

It's 10:15 in the morning here in England and 5:15PM back home. I have my first cup of coffee in one hand and The Derbyshire Times to my left and I am struggling to type at the moment so let me drink the rest of my coffee :-)

James has just left for work, and very differently from yesterday, he kissed me goodbye and we actually had a good morning. After ten hours, we both decided to speak. He came home with a £5 phone credit for me.


WHEN ANGER GETS THE BEST OF YOU

Some people say that when one is angry, he tends to say things that he's been holding in. But some say when one is angry, he tends to say things that he does not really mean. So which one should we believe? I guess this is when we can just go for what our instinct tells us. Personally, I tend to believe the former, and accept it and try to change the person's mind who said it in anger. There is no point holding what you truly feel in because it endangers any relationship. I sometimes think that I am too blunt on James with my opinions and my feelings, but I can't change that part of me. If I can't tell my husband what is going on in my head and my heart, then it's not much of a relationship to me. So, I accepted his hurtful words yesterday because he has accepted all the hurtful words I have thrown at his face even before we were husband and wife. In three years, I have never heard him say anything bad to me, he always bit his tongue and I know this. Whether or not he meant what he said yesterday on his text is not important. What matters is that I know the way he feels for me. I've always known he's got a peculiar way of showing it, but I suppose there is a reason why you have got to have a great amount of FAITH in your heart to marry someone. People say trust is the most important thing in a marriage, but personally, Faith has played more in my marriage. I hold on to my faith every time trust becomes hard to find. Faith in my husband's good heart is what makes me stay because believing that he is doing things not to hurt me is what keeps me in-love. I don't want to just love my better half, I want to be IN-LOVE.

YESTERDAY WAS NOT COMPLETELY RUBBISH
To my utter surprise, yesterday was not completely rubbish. Linacre Reservoir is a fantastic place especially for Nature lover. It's amusing how the English people get out of their way when the sun comes out shining. They wear their lightest clothes and even bring their camera out with them.
Chris brought his binoculars with him which is just amazing. He let me look through is many times and it was so clear to see the Crooked Spire even from there!. The bluebells were so beautiful, it coloured one big area of the the reservoir so amazingly. Blue is my favourite colour (contrary to popular belief that it's pink) and I was truly astonished with how beautiful the reservoir was. We walked for an hour around the reservoir and I think I am starting to show some muscles on my legs and I don't really like the sound of that. I did not expect that I would enjoy our walk yesterday I actually have forgotten about the row between James and I. Chris gave me a detailed tour of the place. He even showed me a part of the reservoir where he recently volunteered for to clear the area of trees. He educated me about what the different flowers are, different trees and birds and later on he quizzed me and I breezed it :P Well I made one mistake... Daffodils and Dandelion...

An amazing beauty made a surprise appearance in the middle of the first reservoir, perched on a branch just above the water, was a shag! It was on the other side from where we were trekking but we looked through it in the binoculars and man was it pretty! That was the highlight of the Linacre tour. I've never heard of a bird called Shag before (I've only known one shag before and it isn't a type of bird) but it looks quite regal. Then Chris and I realised that there were a pair of them.
The drive back home was also fun. James's dad told me about how Maddie and he met, and he told me of his working years in London while travelling back and forth to Chesterfield to be with Maddie. I learned he loves to dance and he used to frequent discos with his mates.
When we got home, he told me he now thinks it was a Cormorant that we saw, after consulting their Book of Birds.

In the middle of the tour around Linacre Reservoir, I got a text from Gareth. I thought better than to reply.

I told James about my day after we've made up and he said his dad talks to me more. I like the way he added "maybe I just stopped listening". I know he realises what he should have done, he only needs to find a way to actually do them. And I'm here. I will be here. That's what husband and wife are there for. They stick together and for each other. We realise each other's limitations and that is what counts.

I need to start doing stuff now. I have the house to myself this morning, and the morning is almost over so I better get my lazy arse to reading The Derbyshire Times. Wish me luck!

Words are NOT JUST words.

Honestly, I never thought other people would be interested to read my blog in the least bit. I know my family and a few mates read my blog, but I got an email today from a kindred soul in Finland. What he wrote to me made me smile. He told me some really inspiring and encouraging words, and the fact that it came from a total stranger fascinates me - in a good way, of course.

I know that to go out and as Ari put it: "get my own life as soon as possible" is exactly what I need to do. I wish I knew where to start. I should shove the thoughts of home or I will not get anywhere. But it really is good that someone who does not know me at all took his time to read my blog entries and wrote me some really funny and encouraging words is really a kind thing to do. It's good to know that there are still people like that in the world - most importantly, in the internet... ( cos the net is a tricky world!)

Ahhh, and this anonymous comment on one of my recent entries, I know exactly who it is. There could only be one. And her words I'll keep with me everyday I am here. I am strong enough for this, I know that. But when I have no one to turn to at all, the world just seem to crumble down around me and I feel defenseless and I don't have to be defenceless. It's a strange country, but it's still the same me. My mum had to do it before, I just need to do it a little better and I should be fine.

2:12PM
My father-in-law has just asked me to go walk around the Tapton Park.. I don't really want to go but might as well since I am not doing anything. It's not like there is more to it that I have not seen the other day I was there...

5:11PM
I just got home about ten minutes ago and it was more fun than I thought it would be. We went to the Linacre Resevoir by the way, not Tapton Park. It was my first car ride in England anyway since James's parents picked us up from Birmingham Airport.
So now I am having my second cup of coffee and tonight I will lay out a plan for my life that revolves around me. I'm sure I would be forgiven if I get a little selfish this time.

"If you can fix him, Vivien, then you've done better than me"

I got a text message from my Aunt Julie in New Zealand this morning and I thought, what a pleasant surprise! I am very close to bother my aunts in NZ and it's really good to hear from her. She told me they are going to the Philippines for a holiday in December which sucks because I probably wouldn't be there. Who knows, I might get lucky!

I've decided if I find a job here, I will stay. What the heck, I might as well since I'm here. I will save everything up until my Visa expires (in 2 years) and I just won't bother renewing it. I will go back home and take it from there. I might as well get something out of this rubbish relationship I am in. ^_^

Seriously, why would someone lie about knowing how to drive and having a car before? And what if that someone happens to be your husband?
I was out in the garden today, very sunny. Drank my coffee out there whilst talking to a frog in the pond isn't the least bit bothered about my presence. After deciding against giving it a little kiss for hopes of it turning into a prince, I finished the rest of my coffee and just then James's dad approached me and gave me a little tour of their garden. We had a little chat about James and he mentioned he does not know how to drive and never owned a car in his life. I did not know how to react because all these years I've been left to believe otherwise. And it's one of those cases wherein you partly know the truth but shove doubts away because you choose to trust your better half. Well, I chose to believe him. I don't see the point in that lie though. I mean, I myself don't know how to drive, because there had never been a reason to learn. And I couldn't care less if he knows how to drive. What I do care about is that he lied about it. I've asked him since we got here if he has anymore to confess and he said no. In fact, just last week that driving matter was brought up in one of our convos, and he said he couldn't drive his mum's car what was not being used at the time because he doesn't have insurance.

Ah, and this morning I've been told that I am not the woman he married. Well, that is good news to me. It means I can stop forgiving him for all the fibs he'd been telling me. It means I am no longer that woman he married and good god, I can stop being his wife. Ain't my loss to be honest. I just need to figure out how to go about this. Now that's the complicated part.

England Diaries: Day 25

It's past midnight here and Day 25 has just began. I was in bed and ready to sleep a while ago, but I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd write something on here. Yesterday, I got a letter in the post from Chesterfield College. At first I thought it was a brochure inviting me to take up a course in their college but when I opened it, I found an application pack and I remembered sending them my CV last Friday in response to the ad they had on Derbyshire Times. Yesterday was a good day. No, not because it was sunny, but because I was alone in the house and I got to talk to my mum and my sister back home. I also spoke to Karen and she told me she is going to visit her sisters in Sweden next month. I am excited for her. And I am jealous because two of her sisters live there and that she is only there for a holiday. I'd probably be psyched now if I was only here for a holiday because then I wouldn't think of missing home so much knowing I won't be here for long.

Well, tonight I am not very psyched to say the least. I'm not sleeping on the same bed as James for the first time in a long time. I don't really care now if we fall out, it probably would be better because he'd want me out of here and that is exactly what I want. Being in the Philippines and missing him is a lot easier than being here and missing EVERYTHING back home. Tomorrow is an even better day because his parents both have the day off so they'd be here all day. The difference is that if they ask me to go anywhere, I'll just say I don't feel like it or I have something to do because I don't really care now if they liked me or not. I will do the chores but I am not going out just to bloody please them.

I might text Gareth and tell him to come see me if he is ever in Chesterfield or somewhere near. It'd be nice to actually know someone from here outside of the Allen Family. 25 days of shit weather, shit telly and shit life. If not for my mother, I would have taken my return flight last 28 April. Ah well I guess I have to try and get some sleep now in my single bed. If only this noisy freezer will stop buzzing now and again. Who puts a freezer in a bedroom anyway? Beats me.

England Diaries: Day 24

I didn't realise that the time on my laptop is still PH time. I wish it were 4:48PM here now instead of 9:48, cos then it would mean I am in the Philippines. Many nights, I'd wish that one of my cats would wake me up in the middle of the night. I sometimes wonder if they know I am gone, or if they miss me at all.

I am once again alone in this house. James and his parents has gone to work. Today is the first time I didn't kiss him goodbye. I don't know, it's just that I don't feel like it. This morning his mother left more notes. She likes leaving notes with errands on them. This morning it was doing the hoovering, hanging up her laundry oh and let us not forget... that it's a sunny spring day and I should go out. It's starting to get to me. I don't mind the chores, but it's getting to me too. It's so different back home. When James lived with us for a year in the Philippines, my mum hardly wanted him to do anything in the house. Don't get me wrong, we hate lazy people but as soon as James had proven he is not lazy and he'd voluntarily do house chores, we never wanted to him to do anything because that is how we treat our guests. I mean, I don't expect them to treat me like a princess but I also don't want to be treated like a housekeeper. They are nice to me, I am there, but I just realised how amazing it is in the Philippines the way we treat people who live in our house. I do our own laundry, I cook our own meals and sometimes would cook for my in-laws, I do our own ironing and tidying up, I just did not expect to do theirs as well. But that, I can cope with.


The thing that gets to me the most is they try to get me out of the house on my own. James's mum brought it up on my first week here. Yes, back when I had a cough for a good week, when I had a fever and when my skin was peeling off cos of severe dryness. And she brought it up again even after learning of my ingrown toenail.
Yesterday, James's dad tried to get me to go with him and his two brothers to the town centre where there was a little programme for May Day March. He gave me fifteen minutes to get ready. There is no way I will be ready in 15 minutes at 10:00 in the morning with James's uniform still to iron. I sometimes like funfair, but not when I am with 3 men in their 50's, and certainly not at 10 in the morning. He got a little annoyed when James told him I didn't want to go. He should understand, James had NEVER been to it having lived here for 21 years that should tell him something. I'm glad that James stood up for me. His parents don't like staying at home. When they are not working, they are always out: cycling, walking and just out and about. But they must understand that other people likes staying in the house - especially when one does not know a soul and this is not exactly a city with lots of sights to see. You go to the town centre once and you've seen it all. Apparently if you stayed in the house, you are missing out. To be honest, even back home, when I wasn't working, I like to stay in the house. It's not being lazy and as how James's dad put it, it's easier to do nothing. First of all, I am not doing NOTHING here. I am always in the kitchen cooking, or cleaning up. And when I am not there, I am tidying up in our room, and when I am done, I go online to look for jobs. But apparently, that is doing nothing.
Just because I am not an "outdoorsy" type of person does not mean I am lazy, or missing out for that matter. EVERYBODY misses out on things they are not interested in, and hell there is nothing wrong with that. If I ask them if they ever did any cheerleading back in their days, I know the answer is no, I could say 'man you've missed out', but I wouldn't think that because their interest in in walking, cycling and being out. My interest is writing, reading, dancing and cooking, and playing with animals or children if there are any, but in this house, all there is is difference. They seem to think that my survival here will be determined by my ability to go to Sainsbury's on my own, or anywhere with James. I can go to the supermarket on my own with no problem, it's no rocket science. And well, I still need James to go to places here. When we went to Sheffield, he had to take a map with him because he did not know the area very well... But I am supposed to know my way around on my own in 3 weeks?
Sure I can go to town on my own, but I am a bloody walker! I don't like walking just for the sake of it. I like taking walks with James but I wouldn't like to walk around the town centre. It's pointless. I don't have legs for a dander around the town where there are only a number of shops and slightly more shoppers. There are way more shops in SM Clark by far and it's as close to our house as the town centre is close to theirs. And yet, I never walk around SM Clark, or any SMs for that matter, for the mere reason of getting out of the house and walking. I go there to buy something, have lunch with my best friend Sarah, or when I treat my mum or Steffanie out for a meal or something. When I have free time, I would rather read, or write on my blog or just write poems, talk to my family and mates back home on the internet, or just generally surf the net. I love the internet and I don't like walking and cycling just for the sake of being out. And even if today's note from James's mum says that today is a sunny spring day, a good time to go out, I don't give a rat's ass. I had 23 years of lovely sunny days back home, today's sun does not even come close to our lovely tropical sunny day, which sucks sometimes cos it gets too hot :D

Well, I'm going to have to stop writing for now. Remember the note of the day! If they ask me tonight if I've been out in the lovely sun today I'd say 'yeah, out in the garden to hang your laundry up'. They'd be delighted.

England Diaries: Day 21

There is simply no substitute for Home.

It's 5:00PM here in England, 12MN in the Philippines, and I've been looking at the clock this way for the past three weeks. Yep, today marks my twenty first day in England. I got a text from my mum this morning saying there's thunderstorm afoot and the power's out (well, what do you know?), and the British family who lives right across our house are yelling at each other again. At the end of the text reads "don't you just miss these?". Actually, I do. I miss everything back home. I miss my family, I miss my pets. I miss the feeling of knowing I have people to turn to when I am sick, unsure or depressed. I miss being in my own home. Going and staying in any room of the house that I fancy without having to watch my every move. I miss the sanctity of my bedroom. I miss our food... I know I can cook most of them here, but I also miss Elena or my mum cooking for me. I love to cook, but sometimes I also like being cooked for. I miss our television shows because the telly here is rubbish. It's either a repeat of a crap program or a porn-like sex education at midnight or a gay game show what scam people. Ah, I forgot to mention numbers of Home Shopping networks. I miss my best friend, Sarah and my other close mates back home. I miss getting texts from them confirming the time they'd be coming over or what time we have to leave for our night/day outs. I miss the jeepneys and the trikes because they are so conveniently there when you need them. I miss being able to wear the clothes and the shoes I want without having to put on layers of clothing over it. I miss the nailwoman. I miss our lounge and our couch and the cats watching telly with me. I miss mornings when I can confidently go downstairs, and go to the lounge to enjoy my cup of coffee. I miss our weather and the familiar faces that run around in the sun outside our house. People from back home might think I am crazy, but I had all I want and need there, so why did I have to leave? Now and again, I would ask myself if it's worth it. I know my friends and family think I am lucky that I am here, but why do they think that? Do I have enough here to justify what I left? I know my husband loves me more than anything in the world put together and he shows it in every way, every day. My in-laws are nice to me, but it is only now that I realise how much of a good life I had back home. Back home, when I am in my room, there is a silent understanding that I am "not there". Well, here, in a "normal" household, they pop in the room to have a little chat with me, or they just pop in to say they are home. They ask me what I am making for tea, would I like to come down and get a drink because I've been coughing. I miss my "me time". Today I ironed 12 tshirts, one pair of shorts and 4 polo shirts and 5 hankies for my in-laws. I didn't mind doing it because it's the least I can do for them since I am not working yet. It's just sometimes, I can't help but appreciate the fact that my own mother never asked me to iron anything in my life, it's the one chore I hate doing. When I told James I miss having Elena around, he said I can't expect everyone to be doing things for me. I am not expecting people to do things for me, I just said I miss it. It's not my fault I never had t do it. I've just been so fortunate that I had someone do everything for me. I am not complaining because I know I am very lucky to be here. I just sometimes have surges of lonely spell and I do miss home. I have been having a lot of dreams lately of me going back to the Philippines and ringing James here telling him I want to go back. I think this reflects how torn I am between staying here and going back home. I understand that when I start working, it will be easier because James and I will be getting our own flat, and eventually I can bring my mum here. But would I want her to feel how I feel now? I guess she's been here before when she went to New Zealand when me and siblings were younger. I carry that thought in my heart. I know she'd tell me I can do this. And I know I can, but I realise now why they say there is absolutely no place like HOME.

It's a good thing that I don't live in the olden times. I love to cook and bake, but I also love technology. Good job I don't have to use these ancient oven!

England Diaries: Day 20

My First Castle!

Today has been an absolutely exciting day. It started a little shaky and a little rainy. I always get a shock of cold air the first few minutes I step outside the door. I really should get out more and get used to the cold air. As soon as we got to Bolsover Castle, it started to rain. Good job Maddie works in the castle and she gave us a couple of brollys, but James only took one. We both hate carrying umbrellas, but we had to. But unfortunately, as soon as we left the stables, the sun decided to shine on us. And it did shine like it never shone upon England before, or since I have been here anyway. But inside the castle, it does not really make a difference that it is sunny outside because it is freezing inside! So cold that they had to put heating on in some rooms of the castle.

It's such a wonderful experience. I never thought I'd see a real castle. It's something we don't have at home, so to me, it's really extra-ordinary. I couldn't help but wonder how it was like four hundred years ago. I especially like the Star Chamber, it has been refurnished but they did a really great job on it. Most of the Bolsover Castle has been preserved to it's original state. I really love the ruins. It's an amazing experience and to share it with James just makes it really special.

But, it wouldn't be a perfect Wack n Spack Day if something didn't go wrong. On our way home, we got stuck in the traffic queue for an hour because there had been an accident and when I thought we were going to drive past the scene scared me. I am not good at handling situations where someone is hurt, even if it's someone I do not know. I think it must have been a big crash because there were two fire engines and a lot of coppers blocking the way. An hour later, the bus driver finally decided to turn around and we got lost around this little dodgy area, but eventually found our way to Chesterfield :-)

I cooked spaghetti and meatballs for tea, and chocolate cake for pudding, and made tuna salad for James if he wants a little snack before we go to bed. We are going to watch some Grey's Anatomy now, he's into it and I am into watching his face turn from blank to expressive. I know exactly when he is going to make a face because I have seen all the episodes he is watching now.. It's my DVD :-)

So, that's my day. Oh I forgot to mention that my highlight of the day is walking to Sainsbury's in my dainty black and white high heeled stiletto without my toenail hurting! I gotten so used to trainers though, but I don't want to be. Take a wild guess.