England Diaries: Day 26

It's 10:15 in the morning here in England and 5:15PM back home. I have my first cup of coffee in one hand and The Derbyshire Times to my left and I am struggling to type at the moment so let me drink the rest of my coffee :-)

James has just left for work, and very differently from yesterday, he kissed me goodbye and we actually had a good morning. After ten hours, we both decided to speak. He came home with a £5 phone credit for me.


WHEN ANGER GETS THE BEST OF YOU

Some people say that when one is angry, he tends to say things that he's been holding in. But some say when one is angry, he tends to say things that he does not really mean. So which one should we believe? I guess this is when we can just go for what our instinct tells us. Personally, I tend to believe the former, and accept it and try to change the person's mind who said it in anger. There is no point holding what you truly feel in because it endangers any relationship. I sometimes think that I am too blunt on James with my opinions and my feelings, but I can't change that part of me. If I can't tell my husband what is going on in my head and my heart, then it's not much of a relationship to me. So, I accepted his hurtful words yesterday because he has accepted all the hurtful words I have thrown at his face even before we were husband and wife. In three years, I have never heard him say anything bad to me, he always bit his tongue and I know this. Whether or not he meant what he said yesterday on his text is not important. What matters is that I know the way he feels for me. I've always known he's got a peculiar way of showing it, but I suppose there is a reason why you have got to have a great amount of FAITH in your heart to marry someone. People say trust is the most important thing in a marriage, but personally, Faith has played more in my marriage. I hold on to my faith every time trust becomes hard to find. Faith in my husband's good heart is what makes me stay because believing that he is doing things not to hurt me is what keeps me in-love. I don't want to just love my better half, I want to be IN-LOVE.

YESTERDAY WAS NOT COMPLETELY RUBBISH
To my utter surprise, yesterday was not completely rubbish. Linacre Reservoir is a fantastic place especially for Nature lover. It's amusing how the English people get out of their way when the sun comes out shining. They wear their lightest clothes and even bring their camera out with them.
Chris brought his binoculars with him which is just amazing. He let me look through is many times and it was so clear to see the Crooked Spire even from there!. The bluebells were so beautiful, it coloured one big area of the the reservoir so amazingly. Blue is my favourite colour (contrary to popular belief that it's pink) and I was truly astonished with how beautiful the reservoir was. We walked for an hour around the reservoir and I think I am starting to show some muscles on my legs and I don't really like the sound of that. I did not expect that I would enjoy our walk yesterday I actually have forgotten about the row between James and I. Chris gave me a detailed tour of the place. He even showed me a part of the reservoir where he recently volunteered for to clear the area of trees. He educated me about what the different flowers are, different trees and birds and later on he quizzed me and I breezed it :P Well I made one mistake... Daffodils and Dandelion...

An amazing beauty made a surprise appearance in the middle of the first reservoir, perched on a branch just above the water, was a shag! It was on the other side from where we were trekking but we looked through it in the binoculars and man was it pretty! That was the highlight of the Linacre tour. I've never heard of a bird called Shag before (I've only known one shag before and it isn't a type of bird) but it looks quite regal. Then Chris and I realised that there were a pair of them.
The drive back home was also fun. James's dad told me about how Maddie and he met, and he told me of his working years in London while travelling back and forth to Chesterfield to be with Maddie. I learned he loves to dance and he used to frequent discos with his mates.
When we got home, he told me he now thinks it was a Cormorant that we saw, after consulting their Book of Birds.

In the middle of the tour around Linacre Reservoir, I got a text from Gareth. I thought better than to reply.

I told James about my day after we've made up and he said his dad talks to me more. I like the way he added "maybe I just stopped listening". I know he realises what he should have done, he only needs to find a way to actually do them. And I'm here. I will be here. That's what husband and wife are there for. They stick together and for each other. We realise each other's limitations and that is what counts.

I need to start doing stuff now. I have the house to myself this morning, and the morning is almost over so I better get my lazy arse to reading The Derbyshire Times. Wish me luck!