I had a very quiet Christmas this year, very different from what I am used to. There were no kids, no pets, no screams of panic in the kitchen. Liz came home for Christmas and we had a very generous xmas dinner which consisted of turkey with all the trimmings, lots of veg and of course, Christmas pudding (which I did not have any of because even back home I have not been so keen on it). There was champagne and wine but I don't drink. I can't stand the taste. The only champagne I ever liked was the one they served at my wedding reception in Holiday Inn. Shame I did not even know what brand of bubbly I had at my own wedding!

To be honest, it was just like any ordinary day. Nothing like me and my family in the Philippines have, it does not even come close! For some reason, I randomly realised that for 2-3 consecutive years, we always had sinigang on Christmas Day, even with lots of food sitting in the fridge left over from our Noche Buena the previous night. And I actually craved that on Boxing Day. But it's no fun cooking just for myself. In fact, I miss being cooked for. I love to cook but it's nice to have someone ask you what you want for lunch or dinner. Sometimes I miss Elena (our housekeeper back home) because out of everyone who worked for us, her cooking is what came close to my mother's cooking. This has to be the greyest and most boring Christmas I ever had. It's not just because I am far from my family, but we welcome Christmas with so much more fun and passion - and lots and lots of food! I guess I have to expect an equally (if not more) quiet New Year's Eve. I spent New Year's Eve on my own in 2004 in Bangkok, Thailand, and it was quiet but man was it so much fun having so much food (room service ftw!) in the hotel and lots of movies on the telly (pay-per-view). I couldn't say it was boring because I was filled with so much excitement then being in Thailand for the first time. I remember trying to get to the hotel bar for the New Year countdown but I realised people were in big groups and I was the only one on my own and everyone was talking to me in Thai and they did not seem to understand when I said "I am not bloody Thai, English please", they continued to babble on in Thai. So I just headed back to my hotel room and stuffed myself! I expect my New Year's Eve to be as quiet as quiet can be. When I have kids, I will teach and show them the Filipino ways. Whether or not their dad agrees. I will speak to them in Tagalog so James does not understand what the hell we are on about. Ha ha. Of course they will probably show some resistance if not lots. But heck, nothing beats Paskong Pinoy!

Christmas Photos

I am killing time here. Every one is out and I am on my own on Christmas Eve! How sad is that? But looking on the bright side, at 11:30, James and I will be going to attend the Midnight Mass in Annunciation in Spencer Street. But right now, man I am enjoying listening to Ace of Base music. Can you feckin believe this? Yeah, I know some might think "how gay" but I have not heard their songs for ages and I used to love them. I used to dance to their music and actually won a dance contest in 5th grade dancing to The Sign and Don't Turn Around. Oh my God, I am so nostalgic right now. Ok, I gotta do some more dancing so here is ME splitting -->>>>>>


2AM Update:
We've just been to church and it was amazing to see it packed! I thought there would only be a few people but man there were hundreds! There were also 3 priests which I thought was cool. It was very similar to mass back home, some minor differences I found weird, like when you offer each other the sign of peace, people shake hands... so i can't offer the sign of peace to people on the other side of the room... Every single person in the church seemed to be coughing too. They took turns in coughing and blowing their noses. It was so apparent because it echoes around the room. But it was great especially Maddie and James were with me, even though neither were Catholic and neither had ever spent a cold Xmas Eve listening to the Gospel they did not believe in. But they both sang gleefully to the xmas carols and gospel songs and that was awfully sweet I thought.

Here's one of James and I at 1:30AM (getting home from Christmas Midnight mass)

WOW: WotLK

Foxy and Vivien have been level 80 for quite some time now after the release of WOW: WoTLK. After being loyal to MM spec for 2.5 years, I decided to try BM spec if only for the exotic pet because I really think the core hounds look cool and they remind me of MC days! But of course, I chose The Kurzen because I don't like red and even worse, green. And now, as per usual Blizzard decides they changed their mind and they nerf hunters, particularly BM hunters. To be honest, I don't think that hunters are OP in pve. They have always been amongst the top 5 (even coming first in many situations I've been in) of any raid damage meters even in TBC. (I can't speak pre-TBC because I raided as a warrior then) Simply put, hunters can deal good damage even when in blues and green gear. But the damage does not change dramatically when the epics start flowing. If one observes carefully now, ret paladins and balance druids alike are catching up on hunters DpS in raids because they have had the time and chance to gear up. In my humble opinion, hunters are not OP. It is just the initial shock of how much damage a hunter can deal in average gear what got people QQng . Put an equally skilled ret paladin and balance druid in the raid with equivalent epic gear as the hunter and I promise you they may even beat the hunter's DpS, on a single-target basis. Stuff the AoE bit, nobody cried when the mages did so much on the stairs to Moroes in Kara, did they? And yes, OK so we spam Steady Shot, but hang on a minute, don't mages spam frostbolt and shamans lightning bolt ?(the occassional pause for a shock is similar to hunters pausing for a sting) To be honest, I enjoy playing a MM hunter because it's more challenging. There is more choices of shot and shot rotation as well. And damn that chimera shot was brill. I will be MM again most probably when I have time to waste re-speccing :P I want to level up my priest now. I just need the time and the urge (but mining and prospecting is so much fun!) to actually do it. So far I have not done well as she is only level 73. Yes, it's a she character now. I changed the gender to female and the name from Jamesav to Sapphire to match her new looks! I have always been holy in raids because I just love to heal, (if I want to do dps I'll log on my hunter and if I want to be support class, I will log on my shaman) but guess what? Blizz nerfing CoH! Sometimes I wonder why I still play this game. I don't understand what PTRs are for, they change their minds about everything anyway. I enjoy reading WOW books than actually playing WOW. At least Chris Metzen did not change his mind all the time.

Lost: Happy in Christmas

It's Christmas Eve and I am not home. It feels terribly wrong. I don't know what upsets me more: the fact that I do not have a home anymore because my mother has just moved into a new house which means I will never be in the place I considered home for 18 years of my life, or that I am in a house which has kept me warm and made me feel welcome for the past 8 months that is so awfully quiet on Christmas Eve which is traditionally a happy evening. My husband is working late tonight and every thing is just like any other ordinary day. In fact, it has indeed been an ordinary week. No manic christmas shopping, no full shopping trolley. I have been so used to making a list of what to get the kids and every one else for christmas, and it usually takes me days to wrap everything up to make sure that I fill the feet of our 9-ft Christmas tree with many many presents for the kids. No, they were never expensive ones. I always bought cheap presents, that way I can give more to everyone. And the one thing I love about kids is that it does not matter what you give them. You can always guarantee a grateful hug and kiss and a content smile on their faces. And on the 23rd, we always made sure the fridge is stacked with every kind of food we love to eat for Noche Buena. Every year, the sound of my nephews and nieces had filled the house with giggles of excitement and played guessing games with each other of what is in their chrissy box. I had missed that today. I missed the loud music echoing from the lounge to the kitchen whilst I help cook and prepare the food for our salo-salo. I miss home so bad this Christmas Eve. I remember my mum saying to me last year that that could possibly be my last Christmas with them for a very long time. How I wish she could have been wrong. But this is my fate. I'm sure that God has a reason that I am here. I always wish that The Allen Family had some sort of pet as I find comfort in the company of animals. It would have been nice to spend Christmas Eve with a huge dog and share our very own Noche Buena together. Even the thought alone is already comforting me.

The Hunter that is Foxychick

She was my main for quite a time, until I made a shaman when the expansion (TBC) came out. Soon after, I got bored of Elèctra and started levelling up the priest from 60-70. Shadow spec bored me to death so I went holy and enjoyed that more until, without knowing it, Jamesav has become my new main! But... my Foxychick still roX (really surprised, but she will always be my main I guess. I will level her up first when WoTLK comes out in 3 weeks)



source: http://wowwebstats.com/44ef4tp2olbsa

I have just uploaded the reception bits of my wedding video so for those who have not seen it (and want to), you may just click on the PHOTO GALLERY tab on top of this page. Alternatively, you may go on my YouTube channel.

Enjoy!

by: Vei
1:12AM / 5:11PM

I can't believe how fast time dashes by
I didn't even see the sun before it has set
Look at us now and how far we've swam against the tide
After what seems to be only days since we've met

So many things have changed and yet they're still the same
Your smile still says I am the best thing in your life
I couldn't even remember the way we came
But I don't worry because you're always beside me in every stride.

We walked together in the summer days and enjoyed the sun
We laughed until we couldn't breathe anymore
In the cold nights that followed, our strong bond is still next to none
You were always there even when we didn't know what this life is lived for.

Could I really say I've left home for you?
Sometimes I'm not quite sure
You have been my home for a time now
And my heart beats inside yours
And I realise that it is with you
That I feel safe and sheltered from whatever storm
You love me body and soul and the flawed heart I don't dare show
And for all of the many reasons, yes YOU are my home.

A Poem

HOME

By Vei

4:38AM home time

I never knew how much I loved you

Until I left

I never realized what it was all for

The pain you felt

I couldn’t wait to leave you

It was a mistake

Now here I am longing for you

But you think it’s fake.

I always saw your flaws

Never the best

I chose to look at the worst

And compare you with the rest

You had everything and more

And I miss you

You loved me and I left you

Now I can’t go back.

I see your open arms

Ready for me

But the seas in between us

Makes an impossibility

I can only admire you from here

And love your from afar

Now I know it is true what they say, I believe

That there is no place like home, indeed.

I <3 central heating!

I forgot to mention that the central heating and the fire in the lounge were both on tonight! I was wondering why it was quite warm as soon as I entered the house when I came in tonight. I thought it was only because it was really cold outside that anywhere sheltered would be warm. When I entered the lounge to switch the wireless internet on, I felt the fire emitting precious warmth and I joked Chris about him saying a couple of weeks ago that the heating is not coming on until another month at least. We had a good giggle.

English Diaries Continues...

I had another long day at Pitman Training Centre today, being a Thursday when they are open until 8PM. But I left an hour earlier than usual making sure I do not miss my bus because it only comes quarter past the hour, every hour after 6. I was the first one there again, and as I feared I was asked by people what time the bus comes and tonight this old chap who obviously had quite a bit to drink asked me if the bus to Staveley comes to that stop, and I said yes. I actually know the answer to their questions now, I'm quite proud. And then he tried making small talk as he began asking me if I live in Staveley, I said no and then looked away and pretended to be looking out for the bus. He was not being rude or scary like my experience a couple of weeks ago where I had to walk away from the bus stop and stood in front of Subway (about 12ft away from the stop). I have a real heard time seeing the bus numbers even when they are well lit-up. I rely on the time and people saying "here's the bus" or "77 finally" because for some reason most buses go 'Out of Service' in the evening. It was really cold out there tonight. I saw several people wearing their hats + gloves + scarf, and I was not the only one shivering at the bus stop tonight! There was this woman who was shaking so much and somehow this scene makes me feel better. Not because she is suffering but because it validates the fact that I am not being a big baby. When the wind blows on my face, it feels like submerging my entire head into a tub of ice cubes! I am NOT exaggerating. I miss having the wind blow upon my face and smiling as that has always been the case until I got in England. I used to love it windy days because back home, it cools me down and I can actually savour it. But here, I always pray for it to stop even just for five seconds so I can get my breath back. I must be making it sound so much worse than it is, but I guess it just takes time to get used to. I have always complained about the heat back home anyway. I wish I were somewhere in between though, would be nice : -)

My day at Pitman was boring. Access 2003 is a completely unfamiliar territory to me. I have never used it, never been interested, and to be honest never really knew about it until I read it on some requirements on some job vacancies published on The Derbyshire Times etc. So I have decided to study it as first of my two electives in my Diploma Course, as it is widely used here in business offices. So far, it has been doing my head in. I don't know if it's just because I'm not really interested in it, or that I have stuff on my mind just at the moment and I find it rather impossible to concentrate. Probably a bit f both. Anyway, I will hopefully be in a better shape on Monday to fully understand Access.

The highlight of my day was right at the start actually. Whilst waiting for my bus, this old lady who was walking her Yorkshire terrier walked past me. But the little dog stopped and sniffed me and just won't move along no matter how hard the old lady pulled the lead. I smiled to assure her that I did not mind at all. She smiled back and said the dog just wants to be touched so I bent down and petted the little cute thing. I admitted to the stranger that I love dogs and she said, still with a smile "better than most people". And then they moved on and my bus arrived. How I have missed touching little fury things! It was good that the dog had been a Yorkshire Terrier though and not a Rot. I would have probably been a little less more eager. I wore my new coat today as my everyday snugly one has been washed and has not completely dried up yet and realised I need a longer gloves to go with it as it does not have full long sleeves, but that does not make it any less gorgeous! To top it all, it came in my size! UK-4! I have not seen any size 4 in the shops here and Sheffield so I had to make do with size 6. James and I got it from Top Shop and I wished Topshops in the town sold size 4 clothes. It really is frustrating when I see something I like and they only come in size 8+. I suppose it saves us a lot of money in the end ^_^

Anyways, it's now 9:40PM and I have soaps to watch. Pinoychannel.tv may have been useless to me now since all the ABS-CBN's programmes has been deleted from the site, but I found another one and it's actually better, if not a little slow on the uploading. I've only had a tin of tuna and one finger roll today, and two cups of coffee, all at 11AM this morning but I am not hungry at all. I have pigged out in Norwich, KFC and room services so I think I need to shed all 2lbs I have put on! I like being a size 4... although I sometimes envy fat people who do not seem to feel the cold... I wonder how warm it is under all that blubber. Not that I ever want to find out for myself :D

Norwich and Great Yarmouth Experience

It's a lazy Wednesday afternoon, the last day of the holiday James booked off work. It's grey and raining outside, and the fire is on (until the parents come home) and James and I are just having a rest from our 3-day holiday in Norwich and Great Yarmouth. It i s also the first day of October, which in my family is a very busy month of the year indeed.

We got home last night at around 8PM and whilst waiting for tea to cook, I thought I'd check my email. There was one from my mother and one from my best friend Sarah. There were some annoying news but I don't let myself get annoyed by 'old news' anymore. Instead, I try to do something about it and get it out of the way. That is exactly what I have done today. I think everything should be moderated, and if one is not responsible enough to take things in moderation, they should lose the opportunity they are given. I did it to help my sister because I don't think there is anyone else apart from me and my mother who would care for her in an unconditional way. I feel quite relieved now. I don't feel guilty like the first two times I did it because I know in my heart that I have given him the chance to prove that he can still be responsible and just appreciate a free WOW, which costs £9 a month to play. So today, I have cancelled one of our three WOW accounts, which James and I have not been playing for years since we have our two main ones. We've continued paying for it and kept it open but apparently it has been causing problems so we've decided to cancel the account completely. WOW should never be put first before REAL LIFE. Nobody in the World of Warcraft will be there for you when times get rough. I can't imagine forgetting my responsibilities as a wife because of a silly game. I am disappointed that I have helped caused some troubles, but hopefully it will all be sorted now.

Anyway, on the bright side of things, I had an amazing time in Norwich and Great Yarmouth. The weather was not so bad, in fact we had some sunny spells. Here are some photos!

First Day of Autumn

Today marks the official beginning of autumn, and the weather did live up to it. I woke up at 8:45am and drew the curtain a bit and got slightly depressed by the weather. It was cloudy and grey, and no promise of the sunshine that has been shining in Derbyshire for the past week. I swear it was like summer. But just as every thing, good things come to pass and we just have to cope with it. And cope I have to with England's unpredictable weather. My mother would be so proud of me if she saw me two weeks ago carrying a brolly and actually using it! Well, it's either that or get wet and shiver to death whilst I wait for the bus to town. I choose the former. Today it was cold and grey but it was not raining so I did not have to take a brolly with me, but I have a hunch it will be my best friend.

Whilst waiting for the bus to come, a car stopped and asked me where the Tapton Golf Course is. In my head, I was like, oh man you asked the wrong person. Not because I did not know where the golf course is because I have actually been there a few times James and I went for a walk, but because I am terrible at giving directions! Anyway, I said I don't really know how to get there by car, but just follow the road and when they get to the next bus stop, they should see some signs leading them to the golf course. All I could do is assure them that they are going the right way. I was a bit disappointed that I was not able to be of help to them, but looking on the bright side, I forgot about how cold it was for a moment. Five minutes later, my bus came and unusually, it was full so I decided to just stand and not bother going to the upper deck as the town is only five minutes away. At the next stop, a woman with a very cute little boy (I'd say he is about 4 years old) stared at me with his bright blue eyes and yelled "HIYA!". I give it to him for having great taste in women at such a young age! Ha ha, of course I'm joking.

I got to Pitman at around 10:30 and took the validation test on Outlook 2003, and asked Ray, one of the most helpful staff in the training centre, to set up the transcribing machine in the private students' room because I didn't really fancy doing it outside where the government funded students are. It's a bit too noisy and like usual, it was packed today. I'm afraid I might not hear the words being dictated well and therefore would unable me to transcribe accurately. So whilst I do the validation test, he set everything up so that when I was finished it was all set and I was able to start on the Audio Transcription course. It was so much fun! I've decided that it is my favourite course in the whole Secretarial Diploma Programme that I breezed through it and was able to complete all 22 exercises within the six lessons of the coursebook. The Course Director was impressed as to how fast I went through it and only committing 5 mistakes (like missing a comma and forgetting to insert the date in one of the business letters that I transcribed). The machine was a bit noisy though that it echoed around the private room where there were two other students with me. I think they are government funded students who were there because every single computer was taken in the other room. It quite annoyed me to find the bloke hovering over my computer when I came in from having my work checked by my supervisor. After giving him a disdainful look, he went back to his seat. I made sure my handbag was intact and I zipped the side pockets and also my purse that was inside.

All in all, my day was good. It is beginning to be cooler and definitely darker, but as long as it does not get too windy, I think I'll survive. That's all for now really. Oh and I have received my certificates in Microsoft Word 2003 and Effective Business Communication last week. I should get certificates for Excel, PowerPoint, Outlook and Audio Transcription courses in the second week of next month. I still have Access, Sage and Effective Keyboarding Skills (which I already posses, I just need it for formality)to complete and then I shall be ready to take the National requirement (OCR) and get my diploma in Secretarial Course. I am looking forward to that and updating my CV :-)

Feeling malamig kahit hindi :p

me on the upper deck of the bus, going home from Barlborough at 11PM:p

us being silly!

James and I in the pub

I bet whoever watch the CCTV tape will have a god laugh!

me at the Lockoford Lane Bus Stop

The World most people don't see.

Bailè!

When Words don’t come easy

I usually have something to say. Words hardly ever come difficult for someone like me. Sometimes I have so much to say that I talk inside my head, and probably out loud now and again like a proper mental. And I would often write poems if I feel like I have more to say. But not on that particular lovely day in August.

I have dreamt of it many times before. I have fantasized and thought over and over in my head what I should say first because I had an awful lot of things that I wanted to say. I have worried that my nerves might get the better of me and I might not be able to say anything at all. I was partly right about that bit. But it wasn’t because of my nerves. In fact, I wasn’t nervous at all. His face was so familiar like I’ve seen him so many times before. And then it hit me – I have stared at his face on my computer screen so many times that it had become engraved on my memory. I watched his face carefully half-knowing I won’t see him again, and thought “Ah, so this was the bloke who sang to me whilst playing his guitar over the phone, probably cost him a lot. What was that song again? Ah, Slide by The Goo Goo Dolls. I even wrote a poem called “May” after that, I remember”.

But I just sat there in the passenger seat of his car with nothing to say like an idiot. I guess in some way we have become strangers. I’d usually throw a compliment or two to people, but I couldn’t at that point in time. Even after he said I looked more gorgeous than he remembers. Or that I look totally amazing. I wish I could have thrown him something nice to say apart from a lame ‘you smell good’. It’s ridiculous I know! I was somewhat relieved that we both didn’t know where to go to have a sit down for coffee and a chat. Well, I kind of did know one in the town but it was too awkward. And I felt like we had nothing to talk about. And to be honest, I kept thinking of nasty things he had done and said to me and I struggled to remember something nice. To top it all off, he walked in front of me, which just costed him a thousand good points. Apart from that though, he had been nice and polite. Too polite as I thought he could be. He even said that bum squeeze might be inevitable as that is how he hugged, but when he gave me a hug his hands didn’t even go anywhere near the small of my back. I teased him about it just as he was leaving and we had a little giggle. He had said that if I am still here in two week’s time, he could call again and stay longer. I think I just grunted a short “hmm..” because I just didn’t know what to say. Even after he’s left and sent me a text message reading he was so close to turning back, and he asked me if he was what I expected. Even now I can’t answer that question. I suppose fifteen minutes is not enough to give an honest answer to that question. So I am going to leave that for now, and when I have a fair answer to it, I will tell him.

Some time ago he had told me that he came so close to going to the Philippines to see me, but then he thought to himself that I wouldn’t have done the same for him. So I guess he never really knew me after all. I always think that if you care enough about someone, you wouldn’t have to think about such a silly thing. It doesn’t matter if that person would do the same for you if they could. Love finds joy in doing something special without being afraid that it won’t be reciprocated. Unfortunately, he is the sort of person who likes to take more than give. And there is nothing wrong with that – unless you know well that you can give more but you still don’t and you just keep taking anyway. It’s very selfish and insecure.

Love really is blind, isn’t it? I will never think of him this way back then. I met my husband on the internet as well, but we have never run out of things to talk about even on the first day we ever met each other outside the virtual world. There is no competition there. But I could do with a friend here in England :-p And he seemed like a nice person, a bit different from that one he portrays to be on the internet. And well, I wouldn’t mind if he wanted to be friends with me. But it’s not like we live anywhere near each other and besides, I am not sure words will come to me the next time we see each other again. We’re as good as two strangers could be. It’s really hard to pick up the pieces when they have all been blown by the wind to the sea, and drowned by the water.

“So how come you two broke up? Maybe you should try patching things up since you seem to love her very much.”

“Well I don’t know. It just wasn’t working out and she’s decided to move to Sheffield, and it's hard. You know what it’s like, you’ve been there.”

“Ha ha Yeah, Sheffield and Bristol really is like England and the Philippines”

That is just most ridiculous.

It's a rather small world.

Life is so full of surprises and unexpected turns. Sometimes I am not sure if my life is especially different from the normal ones of my friends and family.

Four years ago, I met someone online who took my virtual breath away. He was gorgeous on his photo and even on the crappiest of web cams. We talked a lot online and on the phone. You could say we were part of each others life. I would tell him every thing, even some things I wouldn't dare tell any one. He did some very thoughtful things, some I could only vaguely remember because we have had many disagreements and arguments that have clouded my best memories of him. At his best, he was the man of my dreams, but at his worst he is an absolute, self-centered pig. I don't know how it was possible at all. The man of my dreams is a chauvinist pig? OK, well perhaps those are too strong an adjective but I can't word it any better. We have got nothing in common as far as I remember and this makes me wonder how I could have possibly thought he was the one. Well he is tall, blond, surfer dude, animal-loving person and absolutely fantastic on the guitar - in a perfect world he was my dream guy. But he thinks football is for losers, he hates the music I like, he hates the bands that I really like, he thinks computer games are gay... OK, I just remembered something we have in common: we love animals and the beach, we like the stars and the sunsets. Definitely not enough to hold us together when things around us starts falling apart. In the four years that I have known him though, we were only in-touch for less than half of that. We just kept falling out until I decided I can't take any more shit from him. Men were not at all in short supply, quite the opposite actually. And that was when I bumped into James' fake profile (See what I mean? My life is full of drama). But I am not going to discuss that right now.

He wasn't all bad as I would not have liked him so much. I simply didn't complement his personality. We both have strong, aggressive personalities and as a result, we crashed all the time. I'm sure he will be a great partner to someone who is less aggressive than me, and less argumentative.

Did I cry over him? Yes, I did. I cried because I have accepted the fact that he is not meant for me. I cried for always liking someone who is too far away. I cried for falling in love for the first time and finding out it was impossible, so yes of course I cried. I cried most of all when he sent me emails saying he missed me and thought of me all the time, only to get another one the following morning saying he was just drunk when he wrote it and that he doesn't mean what he said in it. He didn't mean it both times he sent me what I call "drunken email". I am not stupid, I know he meant it. If he was that pissed, he wouldn't even be able to switch his computer on., let alone type out a long ass email to me. A week before I got married, I have sent him a text telling him the news, and I got a reply which read: "I'm happy now so don't text me again". Later, after watching my wedding videos online, he said he thought I was joking and only wanted his attention. This disgusted me and decided he is the biggest ass in the world. Why the hell would I have to do such thing to grab his attention? I'd much rather send him a picture of me in a bikini if that was my intention. He thinks so highly of himself and he thinks I worship the ground he stood on. To be honest, back then, all I wanted to do was spit on that same ground.

But years have passed, and so have the strong emotions. My life has changed and I had been blessed with many wonderful things since. I am no longer angry with him and I no longer take him seriously. They say first love never dies, but I disagree. Your first love will teach you how to recognise love when it comes and how to respond to the feeling. Your first love may teach you an awful lot about life, but when you find your one TRUE love, your first love is only a part of your diary, a chapter in your life just a bit more special than the others. You may find yourself looking back to the time when you recognised love for the first love, but don't we all reminisce a part of our life one time or another? Just because there are things still reminding you of your first love doesn't mean it never dies. It simply means that you have not found your One TRUE love who will make you realise you deserve more. And since I am confident that I am over him 101%, I agreed that he can come see me on his drive back to Bristol. It wasn't so much as I wanted to see what he is like in the flesh, but more like I wanted him to see what I am like in the flesh.

So four years later, I came face-to-face with the man that is Gareth. I gave him a kiss, and I was right after all, even if I didn't think so at the time. As goodlooking and appealing as he is, he is not the one for me. Looking and talking to him for a brief fifteen minutes seemed longer than it was. My heart was so steady and calm. That is all I have to say. The only exciting thing about it is the fact that out of all the many countries in the world, who would have thought I'd marry someone from England? Gareth and I were meant to meet, just as we have thought. He told me it was a shame the circumstances were different as he first hoped, I nodded and smiled, but in my head I thought: "Thank God for that". Shame he doesn't look anywhere near as good as he did four years ago. But on a positive note, it was really nice of him to say that if I ever need anything, I should not hesitate to give him a ring. Classic G: when you're just about to decide what an ass he is, he says or does something to counter this. Well, maybe he had been wrong when he said we can never be friends. The world is so small, and England is but a dot.

WOW Family

My brother and his wife's characters:

• Keldar - Level 70 mage
• Aamira - Level 70 Warlock
• Bentsplinter - Level 70 Druid
• Nayumi - Level 70 Paladin

Mine and James's:

• Foxychick - Level 70 Hunter
• Vivien - Level 70 Paladin
• Jamesav - Level 70 Priest
• Electra - Level 70 Shaman
• Icyheart - Level 70 Mage
• Athenajpa - Level 70 Warrior
• Mika - Level 70 Rogue
• Level 26 Horde Lock and Priest on Aerie Peak with same name as the first two ^_^
  

My sister and her hubby's:

• Maxs - Level 70 Hunter
• Daniganda - Level 70 Shaman
• Chachu - Level 41 Warrior

**All characters on Kazzak Realm**

Spot the difference!

April 2008



August 2008

My First Day in College

Today was my first day in College. Something came up that I didn't make it on Monday, so Tuesday it was. It's James's day off today so he took me to there and renewed the books I borrowed from the Library for me.
It was quite an easy process, I filled in a form, I read and signed the contract, I gave Carla the check that Maddie has prepared for me on Saturday night and she gave me my Student Record Card and my workbook. She then showed me where the loos are and the coffee machine, and through another door was the private workstations. Apparently, the workstations outside , which is the first thing that you will see upon entering the building, are for government-funded students. It made sense to both James and I after finding that out.
Carla started me on Word 2003, after determining from my interview that I don't need to be taught "how to use the computer" and Keyboard Basics. It was more interesting than I thought it was going to be because I actually learned a few stuff. But of course there were quite a number of times where I did not follow exactly as the audio lesson said because I am use to using hot keys instead of clicking on the standard toolbar, like ctrl + c for copy etc. I completed five lessons and five exercises with only one mistake. I think I may have deselected the title when I changed it's font size so that it didn't take effect. All in all, I did 7 hours today and I made my own schedule and I reckon I'd be able to do 40 hours a week, Mondays-Thursdays.
At 4PM, James came and collected me and we went for a walk around the town, and he bought me a really great looking and fab feeling white coat from Bay. And a really nice fashionable top, as well as a long-sleeved black top that has a ribbon around the waist so it's still sexy. And now he's just brought me my tea, ready meal tonight as he didn't feel like a full meal, and I don't either, so the creamy chicken cottage pie will have to wait till tomorrow evening. And I've got to eat before my tea gets cold, so I will write more later xx

So what's up with me? I bet you're dying to know.

Yesterday, James and I had a productive day as what his mother would call it. Since being ill for two weeks and mending my right kidney, it was great to actually be out to town again with James. At 11, we were in SpecsSavers for my sight test, which my mother-in-law has booked for me. She had been wishing I'd go for an eye test since noticing that I squint when I look at her when she speaks to me. And I admitted that I could not make out her facial features at a certain distance, that I would not recognise her until she utters a word. She felt I needed to see an optician, and that's what I did. After a series of test, mostly reading letters and telling the optician which looked clearer to me as she adjusted each picture, (which made me really dizzy and I wouldn't doubt if the test made my sight even worse) the optician has told me that I definitely need to wear glasses, especially if I start driving, and she would suggest wearing them at all times so it doesn't get worse. My prescription states that my right eye is worse than my left, -1.25 and -1.00, whatever that means because nobody really bothered explaining it to me. I'm guessing I'm short-sighted since I find it difficult seeing distant objects.
Now the dilemma is whether to get glasses or not. If it were up to me, definitely NO. Firstly, Prescription glasses may cost James up to £150, which is really ridiculous. Secondly, glasses don't suit me, and thirdly (to counter Maddie's suggestion of contact lenses) I hate contacts! I have tried them before because I looked cool with grey eyes, but it's a huge pain in the arse to put in, let alone to take out. My vision was perfect before I got here. My mum was amazed how I can read really small text on the computer from the far side of her bed, and now I can't even watch the telly properly. I think it's a side effect of the contraceptive I have been prescribed. This all began when I started taking them, and I noticed a week later that I could not see my own reflection in the mirror, and I even told James that I can't see people's faces when we went to the supermarket the following day. Maybe my doctor can change my pill and my sight will be back to it's normal perfectness. But no glasses for me, thankyouverymuch.

We were just in time for my appointment in Pitman Training with Carla, good job it's just around the corner from Specs. Carla was a very tall woman, a bit plump to my standard but probably normal to James's English one. But she was very nice and friendly and polite. She not only explained the courses to me, but also suggested some things we could do to hasten the process. It's flexi studies so I make my own schedule, and just let them know. You know the feeling when you just want to get things done and over with, that's exactly what I felt, so I said I will sign up for the secretarial course which will run for 180 hours, over a period of 6 weeks, but I was told if I find a job during that time, they are open to make adjustments, but I doubt it. So at the end of the course, I shall have a diploma in Secretarial Course, and an OCR certificate from Pitman Training, but of course I would need to pass the tests after each unit. I get to choose two electives which is cool, I said I want to study Flash/Photoshop expert and Carla said I may do that but neither are really useful to being a secretary. I perfectly know that, me not being a complete idiot of course, it's just something I have always wanted to be good at. But anyway, my electives can be decided on much later in the training. So I start on Monday, quite happy about it actually. My parents-in-law paid for the tuition fee. £2,500 for a 6week-course and one diploma.The £5,000 tuition fee in Chesterfield College for an ICT course over a period of a year sounds cheaper to me now, to be honest. I never thought they will be so generous to me. I expected them to just be a snob and blame me for their son's failure to complete University. I mean, after all, if not for me, James would be getting his degree in Biology this year. He is very lucky to have a pair of wonderful parents. His upbringing is the best he could ask for, really. Sometimes it is so overwhelming that saying "thank you" is not barely enough, but I guess it will have to do.
It's just started raining here now, and I think I will finish my book by Penny Vincezi called "An Absolute Scandal" which is proving to be really engrossing.

The spirit that will guard the Allen Garden

It has been a week but it still haunts me until now. I'm always paranoid when I hear even the slightest noise against the windows, or the patio door.
James and I were having a lovely Sunday meal when we heard a loud bang on the patio door, it made us jump and look. At first I thought it was a football that the kids somehow managed to kick over the hedge that far into the garden. But unfortunately it was not a football, it was a pigeon what crashed into the patio door, a deadly crash indeed. I could never stand seeing animals get hurt and it made me sick to see the pigeon on the grass bed twitch for the last time and it was devastating to see its head sink into its body, and I knew it had breathe it's last. But I asked James to have a check on it if it's still alive perhaps we could nurse it better. Unfortunately, I was right and after we've finished our dinner (it had taken us quite a bit to finish our meal since seeing something like that is pretty shocking it took our appetites away), James said he's going to bury the pigeon and I went with him and plucked a purple flower from its lush bush in the garden, and buried it with the pigeon. I thought it was really sweet of James to do that, and not just chuck the carcass into the compost skip. He really is such a sensitive person and I adore him for having such high respect for all things living - in the case of the pigeon, well, was living.
James and I have agreed that we will have blinds or some sort of decorative curtains when we have our own place, to prevent this kind of incident. I don't want my house to be a death trap to birds. They really are lovely creatures, they sing for you, they even eat your stale bread!
It was really shocking, that. One minute the pigeon was flying so free, taking on the skies in all its glory and in a split second, it was all over. Coincidentally, the night before, I had a really scary dream. I was sat in the same chair as I was whilst eating Sunday dinner when the incident happened, and there were a group of people around me in the same table and a bloke who held a gun and pointed it at my head and fired it just as James entered the room. I actually felt it and when I dropped to the floor, I felt my head go all soft and then I woke up. Of course when I told James this, he said there is no connection to my dream and the pigeon's death, neither of us are superstitious, but I can't help thinking what if it was some sort of message being sent to me? Ridiculous, really.

Yay to our new bed!

On Maddie's 56th, we gave her a card but she gave us a present - a new double bed, + new bedclothes and duvet cover :-) It's so big and high I can almost touch the ceiling LOL In fact, I think they forgot to deliver the ladder what should have come with it *_* Man, man the bed makes me sleep like a log... but don't I anyways? :D

Photos from Madeleine's Birthday Dinner

Indeed a picture never lies

Madeleine and Chris still happy and in-love after thirty years of marriage. It's amazing to see couples get through thick and thin, or what we call life's challenges.. Life is not easy, and marriage certainly takes a lot of hard work. James is right - you only just hear of divorces, you never hear of couples who stay together for years and years. Because only rubbish sells :p

It's 9:30 in the morning and surprise surprise, I am up and havin mg cup of coffee :-) Madeleine left me a note asking me to bake a cake and some buns which she can take to work with her, so I guess I have got something to do this morning. It's nice to be asked to cook and bake because there is no better way to show appreciation (and that they actually like my cooking)! I just wish she specified what cake she wants... I'll go for a Victorian spongecake since they don't like chocolate cakes much. So, wish me luck that my cake doesn't crumble! ^_^

The Wheels are Turning

On Wednesday, Maddie and I made a trip back to Chesterfield College again to see Sharon, the Head Registrar. She is a lovely woman with a very soft-spoken voice and very polite. She explained that since I have only been here in the UK for three months that I am still classed as an International Student, and therefore I am expected to pay more than the normal rate. She also said that after 2 years, I would be paying as what the locals do, and a year after that I will be able to avail of the free courses offered by the British Government. I took note of how she made it sound like three years is just around the corner.

When asked what course I am interested in, I said IT is on top of my list, and Maddie explained that I already am good with computers but I need a formal certificate to prove it so I can get a well-paid job, and one suited for my skills. I can’t be so sure as to how obvious my shock was and at what level did it show on my face when she quoted us the tuition fee for Level 1 NVQ in IT and NVQ in Business Administration. I’m sure I heard £3,600 and £5,000 (350,000-500,000 pesos), I just couldn’t recall which course is priced more ridiculously than the other. Maddie didn’t sound so shock, perhaps she didn’t want me to know, or Sharon for that matter.

I don’t really know what to think of all this. On one end, I am delighted that I have a chance to go to College and perhaps continue to University, and on the other hand I feel guilty for being a burden to my parents-in-law. I have been the reason James had given up his spot in University of Manchester, he spent the money what was given to him by his parents on our lavish wedding, his parents had paid for a specialised Solicitor to make sure I get a VISA to come here and when I did they gave us a lift from Birmingham Airport to live here at 184. And now she is going to pay for my tuition fees. When she asks me what I want to do for a course, I don’t know what to say, not because I don’t know what I want to take up, but because I know how much the course of my choice will cost them. And no, it’s not a loan, which makes me feel guiltier.

It’s her birthday on Tuesday and I guess I have to wait for her next one so I can get a little something from my own fruit of labour in England. For now, a card, which James and I have bought two weeks ago from the Card Factory will have to do.

The weather has improved a lot these past few days. Today, it was about 27 degrees. James and I walked down to Brim to the Doctor’s to collect my prescription and the chemist just around the corner to it to get my free contraceptives. Apparently, I’d have to see my doctor again before I can get my next lot of meds, but that is three months away. I wonder how my life will be like by then. Hopefully I'd be more at-ease to venture out on my own. But then again, even back home I don't really go out on my own. In fact, I hardly ever go out at all.

The first book I borrowed from the local Library is by Jackie Collins, who, apart from my mother, is my favourite author. It's her new book and it's the only one in the shelves that I haven't read before. It's called Drop Dead Beautiful. It's really no different from the other books she has written, but I like the way she indulges the readers. Personally, I get into a completely different world of my own and I get to just focus on the book and get lost in it, since it's such an easy read. I've enjoyed reading Grisham, Clancy and Dan Brown's books but Jackie Collins is completely different. Sometimes it's just nice to sit down and read a book and get entertained by a unique sarky humour what comes naturally to Jackie Collins. I've returned the book two weeks ago, and I'm starting on one of Madeleine's favourite book called Polo by another British writer. So far, it's very light and racy, kind of like Jackie Collins but I think this one is more on the serious side than a bit humorous. Shame, because I really dig sarcasm ^_^

Anyway, it's past midnight here now and I've got to warm the bed next to my husband. I fear the turning off the lights before we go to bed, because all I see is the house in the Philippines and my cats meowing at me, and all I could think of is what I would be doing if I were there instead. I bless the day Meg came to live with me for a while, and left me three lovely kittens, who have grown into meddling cats, but ah well, they gave me lots and lots of joyful memories. And when the lights are out, in complete darkness, the white fur and the blue/green eyes glow right at me...

Yesterday, James came home from work with two of my favourites! Pasalubong, British-style :-)

England Diaries: 3 months and 11 days in.

The weather here for the past three days had not been bad at all. In fact yesterday I could've sworn it felt like the Philippines, just not quite as humid. It's amazing how no matter how hot and sunny it gets here, you just never sweat. It was the perfect weather for some dandy strawberry-picking! It was the second time Maddie and I went there to pick some fresh strawberries. The fruit is five times bigger than it's Baguio counterpart. I like picking strawberries, even if I get prickly skin afterwards. i enjoy it so much that I get into it so much I don't want to stop even after i have filled my basket up. Maddie and I spoke about me going for an intensive course in college as we've just been to Chesterfield College before driving to the strawberry farm. She reckons it is the best way for me to completely settle here and get British qualifications and certificates to prove my skill. It's heart-warming how she shows her genuine concern to both her son and I. She said it is worth it to invest on James and I and they are going to pay for whatever the college may charge for the course of my choice. She said that James should also think about getting some more qualifications even if he's already finished his ALevels. I know some Filipinos abroad might think I should work anything - be it a cleaner or a carer, but I know I am better than that. It is nothing about being too proud or maarte, it is just me being Vivien and thinking about the future. Unlike other people who keeps telling me I'm still young, I do not agree that I should take time for granted. Surely I can be a cleaner or a carer if I decide to but that will be wasting time, time what I cannot afford to lose and time what I DO NOT WANT to lose. If I work on being what I want to do and looking into the future as to what I'd like to see myself in five, ten years from now, then the time I would have wasted being a cleaner or a caregiver I could just spend lounging in the beach with my family back home. It's a choice I have made and it's the choice I know will work out for my plans in the future. Sometimes I think back and wonder if I ever get to finish my studies, would I have found a better job here quicker? But then I thought, would I be here in the first place if I lived the boring and obvious path? And I conclude that I don't regret it one little bit. I got to help my parents, most especially my mum during the time I was out of school. And it was my choice to stop again when my brother was kind enough to pay for my tuition fees in a very good Highschool in Manila. It was my choice to start work at 15, have a full time work at 17 and have my own internet cafe at just 20. Even at 20, I had another chance to continue my studies, but perhaps it was just not the right time. I wouldn't trade helping my family out for a diploma because there is nothing like knowing you've helped someone you love. It is the most amazing feeling one can ever feel in one's lifetime. I can't begin to imagine how life would have been if I had not chosen what I had. My decisions in life were not all right, but I had the chance to make it right somehow or another and there is just not room for regrets or pointing a finger at anyone at all because every little thing what happened to my life is my choice. And I am comforted by the thought that I realise that the time is right to pursue my studies RIGHT NOW, and inspired by the fact that everything I do now with my life is completely up to me and only got myself to blame as to whatever the outcome will be - be it good or bad. I am grateful that I have been surrounded by wonderful family and supportive friends back home, and even after travelling 8,000 miles, I am still blessed by having a lovely second family. The world has a way of giving back to you, and I have always been very aware and fond of that fact.
Life is never easy, but it's not that hard either. Just when I thought I am at a difficult stage, someone tells me it's dead easy. And I know that when the time has come to give back, I will just be too eager.