It's a rather small world.

Life is so full of surprises and unexpected turns. Sometimes I am not sure if my life is especially different from the normal ones of my friends and family.

Four years ago, I met someone online who took my virtual breath away. He was gorgeous on his photo and even on the crappiest of web cams. We talked a lot online and on the phone. You could say we were part of each others life. I would tell him every thing, even some things I wouldn't dare tell any one. He did some very thoughtful things, some I could only vaguely remember because we have had many disagreements and arguments that have clouded my best memories of him. At his best, he was the man of my dreams, but at his worst he is an absolute, self-centered pig. I don't know how it was possible at all. The man of my dreams is a chauvinist pig? OK, well perhaps those are too strong an adjective but I can't word it any better. We have got nothing in common as far as I remember and this makes me wonder how I could have possibly thought he was the one. Well he is tall, blond, surfer dude, animal-loving person and absolutely fantastic on the guitar - in a perfect world he was my dream guy. But he thinks football is for losers, he hates the music I like, he hates the bands that I really like, he thinks computer games are gay... OK, I just remembered something we have in common: we love animals and the beach, we like the stars and the sunsets. Definitely not enough to hold us together when things around us starts falling apart. In the four years that I have known him though, we were only in-touch for less than half of that. We just kept falling out until I decided I can't take any more shit from him. Men were not at all in short supply, quite the opposite actually. And that was when I bumped into James' fake profile (See what I mean? My life is full of drama). But I am not going to discuss that right now.

He wasn't all bad as I would not have liked him so much. I simply didn't complement his personality. We both have strong, aggressive personalities and as a result, we crashed all the time. I'm sure he will be a great partner to someone who is less aggressive than me, and less argumentative.

Did I cry over him? Yes, I did. I cried because I have accepted the fact that he is not meant for me. I cried for always liking someone who is too far away. I cried for falling in love for the first time and finding out it was impossible, so yes of course I cried. I cried most of all when he sent me emails saying he missed me and thought of me all the time, only to get another one the following morning saying he was just drunk when he wrote it and that he doesn't mean what he said in it. He didn't mean it both times he sent me what I call "drunken email". I am not stupid, I know he meant it. If he was that pissed, he wouldn't even be able to switch his computer on., let alone type out a long ass email to me. A week before I got married, I have sent him a text telling him the news, and I got a reply which read: "I'm happy now so don't text me again". Later, after watching my wedding videos online, he said he thought I was joking and only wanted his attention. This disgusted me and decided he is the biggest ass in the world. Why the hell would I have to do such thing to grab his attention? I'd much rather send him a picture of me in a bikini if that was my intention. He thinks so highly of himself and he thinks I worship the ground he stood on. To be honest, back then, all I wanted to do was spit on that same ground.

But years have passed, and so have the strong emotions. My life has changed and I had been blessed with many wonderful things since. I am no longer angry with him and I no longer take him seriously. They say first love never dies, but I disagree. Your first love will teach you how to recognise love when it comes and how to respond to the feeling. Your first love may teach you an awful lot about life, but when you find your one TRUE love, your first love is only a part of your diary, a chapter in your life just a bit more special than the others. You may find yourself looking back to the time when you recognised love for the first love, but don't we all reminisce a part of our life one time or another? Just because there are things still reminding you of your first love doesn't mean it never dies. It simply means that you have not found your One TRUE love who will make you realise you deserve more. And since I am confident that I am over him 101%, I agreed that he can come see me on his drive back to Bristol. It wasn't so much as I wanted to see what he is like in the flesh, but more like I wanted him to see what I am like in the flesh.

So four years later, I came face-to-face with the man that is Gareth. I gave him a kiss, and I was right after all, even if I didn't think so at the time. As goodlooking and appealing as he is, he is not the one for me. Looking and talking to him for a brief fifteen minutes seemed longer than it was. My heart was so steady and calm. That is all I have to say. The only exciting thing about it is the fact that out of all the many countries in the world, who would have thought I'd marry someone from England? Gareth and I were meant to meet, just as we have thought. He told me it was a shame the circumstances were different as he first hoped, I nodded and smiled, but in my head I thought: "Thank God for that". Shame he doesn't look anywhere near as good as he did four years ago. But on a positive note, it was really nice of him to say that if I ever need anything, I should not hesitate to give him a ring. Classic G: when you're just about to decide what an ass he is, he says or does something to counter this. Well, maybe he had been wrong when he said we can never be friends. The world is so small, and England is but a dot.