Lost: Happy in Christmas

It's Christmas Eve and I am not home. It feels terribly wrong. I don't know what upsets me more: the fact that I do not have a home anymore because my mother has just moved into a new house which means I will never be in the place I considered home for 18 years of my life, or that I am in a house which has kept me warm and made me feel welcome for the past 8 months that is so awfully quiet on Christmas Eve which is traditionally a happy evening. My husband is working late tonight and every thing is just like any other ordinary day. In fact, it has indeed been an ordinary week. No manic christmas shopping, no full shopping trolley. I have been so used to making a list of what to get the kids and every one else for christmas, and it usually takes me days to wrap everything up to make sure that I fill the feet of our 9-ft Christmas tree with many many presents for the kids. No, they were never expensive ones. I always bought cheap presents, that way I can give more to everyone. And the one thing I love about kids is that it does not matter what you give them. You can always guarantee a grateful hug and kiss and a content smile on their faces. And on the 23rd, we always made sure the fridge is stacked with every kind of food we love to eat for Noche Buena. Every year, the sound of my nephews and nieces had filled the house with giggles of excitement and played guessing games with each other of what is in their chrissy box. I had missed that today. I missed the loud music echoing from the lounge to the kitchen whilst I help cook and prepare the food for our salo-salo. I miss home so bad this Christmas Eve. I remember my mum saying to me last year that that could possibly be my last Christmas with them for a very long time. How I wish she could have been wrong. But this is my fate. I'm sure that God has a reason that I am here. I always wish that The Allen Family had some sort of pet as I find comfort in the company of animals. It would have been nice to spend Christmas Eve with a huge dog and share our very own Noche Buena together. Even the thought alone is already comforting me.