England Diaries: 3 months and 11 days in.

The weather here for the past three days had not been bad at all. In fact yesterday I could've sworn it felt like the Philippines, just not quite as humid. It's amazing how no matter how hot and sunny it gets here, you just never sweat. It was the perfect weather for some dandy strawberry-picking! It was the second time Maddie and I went there to pick some fresh strawberries. The fruit is five times bigger than it's Baguio counterpart. I like picking strawberries, even if I get prickly skin afterwards. i enjoy it so much that I get into it so much I don't want to stop even after i have filled my basket up. Maddie and I spoke about me going for an intensive course in college as we've just been to Chesterfield College before driving to the strawberry farm. She reckons it is the best way for me to completely settle here and get British qualifications and certificates to prove my skill. It's heart-warming how she shows her genuine concern to both her son and I. She said it is worth it to invest on James and I and they are going to pay for whatever the college may charge for the course of my choice. She said that James should also think about getting some more qualifications even if he's already finished his ALevels. I know some Filipinos abroad might think I should work anything - be it a cleaner or a carer, but I know I am better than that. It is nothing about being too proud or maarte, it is just me being Vivien and thinking about the future. Unlike other people who keeps telling me I'm still young, I do not agree that I should take time for granted. Surely I can be a cleaner or a carer if I decide to but that will be wasting time, time what I cannot afford to lose and time what I DO NOT WANT to lose. If I work on being what I want to do and looking into the future as to what I'd like to see myself in five, ten years from now, then the time I would have wasted being a cleaner or a caregiver I could just spend lounging in the beach with my family back home. It's a choice I have made and it's the choice I know will work out for my plans in the future. Sometimes I think back and wonder if I ever get to finish my studies, would I have found a better job here quicker? But then I thought, would I be here in the first place if I lived the boring and obvious path? And I conclude that I don't regret it one little bit. I got to help my parents, most especially my mum during the time I was out of school. And it was my choice to stop again when my brother was kind enough to pay for my tuition fees in a very good Highschool in Manila. It was my choice to start work at 15, have a full time work at 17 and have my own internet cafe at just 20. Even at 20, I had another chance to continue my studies, but perhaps it was just not the right time. I wouldn't trade helping my family out for a diploma because there is nothing like knowing you've helped someone you love. It is the most amazing feeling one can ever feel in one's lifetime. I can't begin to imagine how life would have been if I had not chosen what I had. My decisions in life were not all right, but I had the chance to make it right somehow or another and there is just not room for regrets or pointing a finger at anyone at all because every little thing what happened to my life is my choice. And I am comforted by the thought that I realise that the time is right to pursue my studies RIGHT NOW, and inspired by the fact that everything I do now with my life is completely up to me and only got myself to blame as to whatever the outcome will be - be it good or bad. I am grateful that I have been surrounded by wonderful family and supportive friends back home, and even after travelling 8,000 miles, I am still blessed by having a lovely second family. The world has a way of giving back to you, and I have always been very aware and fond of that fact.
Life is never easy, but it's not that hard either. Just when I thought I am at a difficult stage, someone tells me it's dead easy. And I know that when the time has come to give back, I will just be too eager.