Revenge is Sweet but the Aftermath is Bitter

PART THREE

.....wAtCH tHis SpACe.....

I hope you haven't turned cross-eyed from staring at this space for two weeks :p

It would be ultra-hypocritical of me if I said it did not feel good. Yes it felt great to know that I did not only manage to piece my heart back together but also to break the hearts of those who broke mine. I managed to hurt them and I had the last laugh.

But when the laughter stops it also stopped feeling good. Things may not have gone the way I wanted them to but I can't entirely blame them. They may have loved me at one point but the distance is too great for them who, unlike me, did not dream of a fairytale love story.

I think with my heart and when it is broken I can't think straight. They knew me as the person who is always ready for a laugh and appreciates a great conversation. The sweet and funny girl who is never uptight about anything. That was me - then. Now they only think of me as a two-faced vengeful cow, possibly even worse and who can blame them?

A few weeks ago I got an angry text from Gareth saying he's found my blog and read my post about our meeting. (Shame he missed the post entitled "This is his corner") I thought I did not care but I actually do. Not because I'm still in love with him but because he had been a great guy most the time and at his best he was amazing. Now I've lost my only friend in England. And worst of all everything I was to him has been completely wiped out. I would have rather he remember me as the girl who made him laugh and spent late nights chatting online with him. But now I guess I am just another woman who could not be trusted. He once told me that he thought I was too good to be true and he's right. But I never said I was perfect and I never pretended to be perfect. In fact this is my biggest flaw: I make decisions when I am angry and hurt.

Things that have happened could not be changed and things that have been said could not be taken back. I could edit my whole blog and delete the things I have said that I no longer believe at present time but that would not be me. What I felt yesterday and what I did about it is one of the things that defines me as a person. The person I am today is only a piece of a big jigsaw that is my LIFE, strengthen by the very small pieces from yesterdays and cheered by the bigger pieces to come from tomorrows.