Faith

For the last few months you will find me looking out the window every chance I get. I think of how lucky I had been for the past twenty four years of my life. I always make sure I stop and thank God for all the blessings he has showered me and my family. He never let me hanging - not for too long anyway. Don't get me wrong, I do not live an enchanted life. I don't wish either because my life may not be worth a lot, but it certainly is worth living.

When I look out the window and watch the mirror images of the houses in the Lane, I recognise my blessing immediately. Occasionally I cry when I think I am staring at something that I have long dreamed of. Yes, I dreamt of going to a first world country but I did not have England/UK in mind particularly. In fact my dream destination was South Africa and New Zealand where a few of my relatives reside. Yep, I am so predictable! I love wildlife and all the animals in the world and I still hope to go on a Safari someday. But for now I am here in United Kingdom and I know a lot of people who would love to see this side of the world and I feel blessed that I am here. Some days when I feel down and homesick, I would stare out the window and tell myself "Ok, so now you're here... now what?". I find no answer of course as it is more of a rhetorical question. And I have to tell myself off for thinking that instead of being grateful that God granted me one of my many dreams. I think that people tend to look at the wrong side of the coin a lot of the times and they tend to focus on the dark side rather than the really cool and bright side of things. At this point in my life I really have no regrets. I have been really blessed and I was able to share my blessings and I lived my life without stepping on other people's dignity or pride. Of course if they bitched at me I swallow them whole and step on everything they got! ^_^

Ten years ago I did not have a home, but it was my choice. I ran away at the tender age of 14 and I lived with two different friends during the time that I was homeless. It had not been an easy ten years but looking back now it had not been that bad either. It could have been worse. James and I would often bring up religion and Faith in our many conversations and as usual, he doesn't really see the point of having Faith in something that he can't even begin to contemplate even considering. But as I always say to him he had a great life and a perfect childhood. He always had a perfect family. But for some of us who were not as lucky, having Faith in something greater than Science and more powerful than ourselves, Faith is everything. And to me that Faith is what keeps me going. It is the secret to my semi-enchanted and full-of-love life.