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25 March 2009
I was so pleased to hear that James have made an application to Nottingham Trent and University of Manchester for a course on Economics. I really believe that this course is perfect for him. And we'd be living on our own if he decides to go this year. That should be exciting! I know James would prefer to live on our own just as much as me but as usual, he makes some sacrifices for me. Since I am not working at the moment we can't afford to rent a flat and still be able to support my mum back home. To be honest I'd choose this set-up over and over again if I had to if it means being able to help my mother out. Not doing so is not an option even though my eldest brother can help her with house bills as he just got a salary increase! Yep grats to him ^_^ The only good thing about living here is we're not really on a free ride as we pay monthly rent but we get free utility. And the best thing about it is I get to show my gratitude to my in-laws for welcoming me with open arms and open heart from Day 1 by helping out with the chores and cooking and baking for them. I love to bake and they love to eat so it's a perfect set-up. Maddie's got everything in her kitchen and recently she has bought more baking trays :-) Ah and she got me my own pinny which I thought was lovely of her. In a way this is like a Filipino set-up. It is very common in the Philippines to live with in-laws. Both my best friends Karen and Sarah (with their husbands and children) live with their parents. My sister stayed with us for like a year after she got married and my brother lives with his in-laws but I suppose in his case he is saving up for his own house and moving out soon. Not to mention he pays for 60% of utility bills. I hope he buys the house near where mum lives that would be a fantastic set-up. Of course until I get my mum here. And then I can answer the ever so pop question that every one seems to ask me since I got married 3 years ago: When are you two planning to have kids? Just at the moment the thought of me pushing a pram is such a horrendous idea...
23 March 2009
Mothering Sunday
Yesterday was Mothering Sunday here in the UK.
I offered to make Sunday Dinner for the four of us to celebrate Mother's Day. After three hours in the kitchen we had great dinner and conversation over Prawns in Marsala Alfredo Sauce for starter, Chicken Curry and Special Fried Rice and Grilled Salmon with bacon and mushrooms with red wine and balsamic vinegar for main course and fresh fruit salad for dessert. I did everything from scratch and nothing came out of a jar. I served everything buffet style and I thought I cooked too much but to my surprise everything went and. all in all it was a pleasant Mothering Sunday indeed. Madeleine was very happy receiving card and a personalised Audio CD from James which included some of her most favourite songs and a Simply Red Best Of CD and a nice note from Liz who unfortunately couldn't come home for the occasion.
Of course I didn't forget to grab a Mother's Day card for my mum because I am most definitely sure that they won't have them in the shelves in May which is when we celebrate it in the Philippines.
I offered to make Sunday Dinner for the four of us to celebrate Mother's Day. After three hours in the kitchen we had great dinner and conversation over Prawns in Marsala Alfredo Sauce for starter, Chicken Curry and Special Fried Rice and Grilled Salmon with bacon and mushrooms with red wine and balsamic vinegar for main course and fresh fruit salad for dessert. I did everything from scratch and nothing came out of a jar. I served everything buffet style and I thought I cooked too much but to my surprise everything went and. all in all it was a pleasant Mothering Sunday indeed. Madeleine was very happy receiving card and a personalised Audio CD from James which included some of her most favourite songs and a Simply Red Best Of CD and a nice note from Liz who unfortunately couldn't come home for the occasion.
Of course I didn't forget to grab a Mother's Day card for my mum because I am most definitely sure that they won't have them in the shelves in May which is when we celebrate it in the Philippines.
20 March 2009
Married Lovers
I have rented this book from the Library and I have only two hundred odd pages to go. It's the latest offering by Jackie Collins. I am not going to write a review about it since this is a signature JC Book. Light romance, sarcastic humour which I love and an entertaining read. I read Jackie Collins to de-stress and be entertained, if I want to be educated on general matters or broaden my vocabulary I'd read Tom Clancy or Dan Brown, although the latter's a bit of a two-hit wonder. Better than one I suppose...
So far this book has not failed me as all other Jackie Collins' books never have. I don't like Mary Ellen's character though.. It's too Jennifer Aniston. But I shouldn't speak too soon because as I've said I have two hundred odd pages to go.
UPDATE: I've finished the book and the ending was a bit of a rush. I wonder would Cameron be the next Lucky Santangelo - the next Star of JC books. I am very curious what Cameron's future would be like with Ryan and what Don would make of it.
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I haven't finished writing the PART THREE of my "blog trilogy" but I'll get around to it. So scroll down a wee bit and continue watching that space.
19 March 2009
16 March 2009
Revenge is Sweet but the Aftermath is Bitter
PART THREE
.....wAtCH tHis SpACe.....
I hope you haven't turned cross-eyed from staring at this space for two weeks :p
It would be ultra-hypocritical of me if I said it did not feel good. Yes it felt great to know that I did not only manage to piece my heart back together but also to break the hearts of those who broke mine. I managed to hurt them and I had the last laugh.
But when the laughter stops it also stopped feeling good. Things may not have gone the way I wanted them to but I can't entirely blame them. They may have loved me at one point but the distance is too great for them who, unlike me, did not dream of a fairytale love story.
I think with my heart and when it is broken I can't think straight. They knew me as the person who is always ready for a laugh and appreciates a great conversation. The sweet and funny girl who is never uptight about anything. That was me - then. Now they only think of me as a two-faced vengeful cow, possibly even worse and who can blame them?
A few weeks ago I got an angry text from Gareth saying he's found my blog and read my post about our meeting. (Shame he missed the post entitled "This is his corner") I thought I did not care but I actually do. Not because I'm still in love with him but because he had been a great guy most the time and at his best he was amazing. Now I've lost my only friend in England. And worst of all everything I was to him has been completely wiped out. I would have rather he remember me as the girl who made him laugh and spent late nights chatting online with him. But now I guess I am just another woman who could not be trusted. He once told me that he thought I was too good to be true and he's right. But I never said I was perfect and I never pretended to be perfect. In fact this is my biggest flaw: I make decisions when I am angry and hurt.
Things that have happened could not be changed and things that have been said could not be taken back. I could edit my whole blog and delete the things I have said that I no longer believe at present time but that would not be me. What I felt yesterday and what I did about it is one of the things that defines me as a person. The person I am today is only a piece of a big jigsaw that is my LIFE, strengthen by the very small pieces from yesterdays and cheered by the bigger pieces to come from tomorrows.
.....wAtCH tHis SpACe.....
I hope you haven't turned cross-eyed from staring at this space for two weeks :p
It would be ultra-hypocritical of me if I said it did not feel good. Yes it felt great to know that I did not only manage to piece my heart back together but also to break the hearts of those who broke mine. I managed to hurt them and I had the last laugh.
But when the laughter stops it also stopped feeling good. Things may not have gone the way I wanted them to but I can't entirely blame them. They may have loved me at one point but the distance is too great for them who, unlike me, did not dream of a fairytale love story.
I think with my heart and when it is broken I can't think straight. They knew me as the person who is always ready for a laugh and appreciates a great conversation. The sweet and funny girl who is never uptight about anything. That was me - then. Now they only think of me as a two-faced vengeful cow, possibly even worse and who can blame them?
A few weeks ago I got an angry text from Gareth saying he's found my blog and read my post about our meeting. (Shame he missed the post entitled "This is his corner") I thought I did not care but I actually do. Not because I'm still in love with him but because he had been a great guy most the time and at his best he was amazing. Now I've lost my only friend in England. And worst of all everything I was to him has been completely wiped out. I would have rather he remember me as the girl who made him laugh and spent late nights chatting online with him. But now I guess I am just another woman who could not be trusted. He once told me that he thought I was too good to be true and he's right. But I never said I was perfect and I never pretended to be perfect. In fact this is my biggest flaw: I make decisions when I am angry and hurt.
Things that have happened could not be changed and things that have been said could not be taken back. I could edit my whole blog and delete the things I have said that I no longer believe at present time but that would not be me. What I felt yesterday and what I did about it is one of the things that defines me as a person. The person I am today is only a piece of a big jigsaw that is my LIFE, strengthen by the very small pieces from yesterdays and cheered by the bigger pieces to come from tomorrows.
Revenge is Sweet but the Aftermath is Bitter
PART TWO
Hey, I went to eat, I wondered why u weren't replying to me!! I did say goodbye! I've enjoyed talking to u too.. Very rare that I find someone who I can talk to so easily.. Can't wait to talk to u again, I think u're a real star.. Sorry, tala!
We'll keep in touch, I think we can have a really great friendship and when I come to the Phillapines we'll meet up and I'll take u out for that meal!
Take care of yourself, sweet dream
Speak soon
Gaz xxx
That was on the 29th of October 2004. I still keep that email up to now for some reason unbeknownst to me.
It was a special day that I met this special person called Gareth but I've always just called him G. I never called anyone by the letter of their first name before. I guess it was my way of keeping him a secret, that was my way of keeping him just mine and nobody Else's.
By this time I was already 19 and had my own internet connection in the house. I did not need to go to internet cafes to chat to people online. But at this point I no longer went to chat rooms and talked to random people. I got sick and tired and bored of it but not the internet as a whole. I loved computers and the internet and I still do. But I am so over chat rooms. I met him on a website called HotorNot which was introduced to me by my friends Earl and Charles. Of course I think that website is bullshit because all you need is get lucky and look great on one picture and you get lots of attention and you get a 10/10 and virtual flowers which I thought was a really silly thing. But I like to try all things even just to see what the feck people do in that part of the worldwideweb.
G was a star member so he was able to write me a message and I thought that he was indeed HOT in his photo so I wrote him back. We had a really long first chat and I found out how clever and funny he was. I liked how open he was about his emotions about certain things. And then later I found how much he loves his family and his pets which for me is a real PLUS. He was the total package: tall, handsome, clever, funny and very cute. And to top it all off he plays the guitar which I really think is extremely attactive. I was over the moon and filled with kilig when he phoned me one time and played "Slide" by GooGooDolls on his guitar and he sang to me as well! That is one of the sweetest thing someone has done for me even up to this point. If I were to sign a slumbook now that will be my Most Kilig Moment :-)
Since I spent a lot of my time in front of the computer then I had bored days when I had nothing else to do so I'd look up people and check out their online profiles. I happened to find G's myspace and I had a look at his mate's profile as well. The following day a very angry Gareth told me off as to why I was looking at his profile and checking his mates out as well. Since this time around I was no longer that stupid teenager I once was I fucked him back and told him I was only browsing and had no intention of networking with his mates. In fact I do not do networking. Even now if you check out my Friendster, most of my friends there are people I know in real life and those that I don't, I have spoken to them one time or another. I don't add random people because I am not one of those pathetic people who have 10,000 friends online.
I remember he tried to apologise to me by changing his name on his email address after I told him that his next emails will go straight to my Trash folder and I won't even bother reading it. It was a good trick I have to say because it got me to read it. That same night I got to talk to James on messenger for the first time and I asked him for his opinion and he said that he thinks G is just an ass playin with me. I will find out later what his real motive was of course ^_^
Severeal weeks before my wedding day, I sent G a text message saying hello and letting him know that I am getting married. At that point I thought to myself if he replied and said something sweet I will not get married but being himself of course he replied with a nasty message saying he is happy now and I should leave him alone. The fuckin balls!
Being Mrs James Allen was fantastic. He may not be the perfect Prince Charming but he loved me so much that if he could breath for me I know he would, without a glimpse of a doubt. I was so proud that I posted my wedding videos on my myspace profile. A few weeks later I got an email from G saying that he thought I was only joking and only seeking his attention when I told him I was getting married. And then he sent me 3 "drunken" (but well-written) emails saying he still loved me and missed and thought about me and then apologised the following day saying he doesn't mean what he said on his email. I hated him for not allowing me to move on.
When I got to England I made sure he came to see me and let him find out for himself what he could have had that he will never have a lay on anymore. He thought I looked fantastic. I thought he looked just OK. I am married and loved by my husband so much whilst his gf slept around on him. He sent me text messages which I ignored and for every 20 he sent, I sent 1 back. Of course there were days when James and I have misunderstandings and I would text him because I felt so alone and sub-consciously he is that guy I always leaned on when times got rough. When I am unsure of my marriage he is my first thought.
Two months ago he sent me a text message saying he read my blog about him and he was really pissed off.
Again, I had the last laugh.
Hey, I went to eat, I wondered why u weren't replying to me!! I did say goodbye! I've enjoyed talking to u too.. Very rare that I find someone who I can talk to so easily.. Can't wait to talk to u again, I think u're a real star.. Sorry, tala!
We'll keep in touch, I think we can have a really great friendship and when I come to the Phillapines we'll meet up and I'll take u out for that meal!
Take care of yourself, sweet dream
Speak soon
Gaz xxx
That was on the 29th of October 2004. I still keep that email up to now for some reason unbeknownst to me.
It was a special day that I met this special person called Gareth but I've always just called him G. I never called anyone by the letter of their first name before. I guess it was my way of keeping him a secret, that was my way of keeping him just mine and nobody Else's.
By this time I was already 19 and had my own internet connection in the house. I did not need to go to internet cafes to chat to people online. But at this point I no longer went to chat rooms and talked to random people. I got sick and tired and bored of it but not the internet as a whole. I loved computers and the internet and I still do. But I am so over chat rooms. I met him on a website called HotorNot which was introduced to me by my friends Earl and Charles. Of course I think that website is bullshit because all you need is get lucky and look great on one picture and you get lots of attention and you get a 10/10 and virtual flowers which I thought was a really silly thing. But I like to try all things even just to see what the feck people do in that part of the worldwideweb.
G was a star member so he was able to write me a message and I thought that he was indeed HOT in his photo so I wrote him back. We had a really long first chat and I found out how clever and funny he was. I liked how open he was about his emotions about certain things. And then later I found how much he loves his family and his pets which for me is a real PLUS. He was the total package: tall, handsome, clever, funny and very cute. And to top it all off he plays the guitar which I really think is extremely attactive. I was over the moon and filled with kilig when he phoned me one time and played "Slide" by GooGooDolls on his guitar and he sang to me as well! That is one of the sweetest thing someone has done for me even up to this point. If I were to sign a slumbook now that will be my Most Kilig Moment :-)
Since I spent a lot of my time in front of the computer then I had bored days when I had nothing else to do so I'd look up people and check out their online profiles. I happened to find G's myspace and I had a look at his mate's profile as well. The following day a very angry Gareth told me off as to why I was looking at his profile and checking his mates out as well. Since this time around I was no longer that stupid teenager I once was I fucked him back and told him I was only browsing and had no intention of networking with his mates. In fact I do not do networking. Even now if you check out my Friendster, most of my friends there are people I know in real life and those that I don't, I have spoken to them one time or another. I don't add random people because I am not one of those pathetic people who have 10,000 friends online.
I remember he tried to apologise to me by changing his name on his email address after I told him that his next emails will go straight to my Trash folder and I won't even bother reading it. It was a good trick I have to say because it got me to read it. That same night I got to talk to James on messenger for the first time and I asked him for his opinion and he said that he thinks G is just an ass playin with me. I will find out later what his real motive was of course ^_^
Severeal weeks before my wedding day, I sent G a text message saying hello and letting him know that I am getting married. At that point I thought to myself if he replied and said something sweet I will not get married but being himself of course he replied with a nasty message saying he is happy now and I should leave him alone. The fuckin balls!
Being Mrs James Allen was fantastic. He may not be the perfect Prince Charming but he loved me so much that if he could breath for me I know he would, without a glimpse of a doubt. I was so proud that I posted my wedding videos on my myspace profile. A few weeks later I got an email from G saying that he thought I was only joking and only seeking his attention when I told him I was getting married. And then he sent me 3 "drunken" (but well-written) emails saying he still loved me and missed and thought about me and then apologised the following day saying he doesn't mean what he said on his email. I hated him for not allowing me to move on.
When I got to England I made sure he came to see me and let him find out for himself what he could have had that he will never have a lay on anymore. He thought I looked fantastic. I thought he looked just OK. I am married and loved by my husband so much whilst his gf slept around on him. He sent me text messages which I ignored and for every 20 he sent, I sent 1 back. Of course there were days when James and I have misunderstandings and I would text him because I felt so alone and sub-consciously he is that guy I always leaned on when times got rough. When I am unsure of my marriage he is my first thought.
Two months ago he sent me a text message saying he read my blog about him and he was really pissed off.
Again, I had the last laugh.
Revenge is Sweet but the Aftermath is Bitter.
Cheerleader Captain, member of the Official Dance Club of my High School, Vice President of my class. Popular. Yes, I was all of these. But it wasn't how they normally portray it in the movies. I never dated in High School. I wasn't one of those sizzling hot gorgeous cheerleader. I was very picky with my friends (still am) to the point that people think I am a big time snob. I hardly ever smiled when I was in High School really. All I cared about was dancing and being a good cheerleader which is probably a good thing because boys didn't like me.
When I was 15 I got hooked into chatting online. I told people I was 17 or 18, depending on who I was talking to. At first it was just curiosity but as I met more people in the AOL chat rooms my little teenager mind has formulated a love story for me - I have dreamt to meet my future husband online and he will travel halfway around the world to meet me and we will live happily ever after! It was much, much later that I will realise that there are more twats and pervs online rather than Prince Charmings.
This online curiosity has taught me how many cute men there are but unfortunately so are empty brain what comes with each of them. At that point in time I knew that my type in men is someone who can hold a funny and interesting conversation with me and that was not easy to find in chat rooms. Until I met this guy, Chris. He wasn't in the category of Hot Men. In fact he wasn't a winner in the physical department at all. But he had a lot of opinion on a lot of things and nothing can beat an attractive mind. At that time we didn't have internet connection in our house so I spent most of my days at this Internet Cafe where a friend worked and he let me pay only an hour's fee instead of eight.
Several weeks and a few months of daily online conversations later I realised that I had fallen for Chris. I wrote him post mails, sent him postcards, emailed him every day, sent him messages on his beeper, left him offline IMs on AIM and sent him text messages on his mobile phone. He never sent me a post mail back and hardly responded to my messages. But this didn't deter me. On his 19th birthday, I phoned him but he was very unfriendly and dismissive of me. It was when he outright told me to stop talking to him and when I said 'I can't because I like you', all he said was "DON'T" and he logged out. This incident inspired me to write so many poems - the most I ever written in a short period of time. I think I have a full notebook of poems which I still have up to this moment. Well actually I left it in the Philippines and my mother is looking after it for me.
A few months short of seven years later, I got an IM from Chris. Nothing major, just a simple hello actually. I thought it was polite to say hello as well but that lead to us speaking again. We were no longer teenagers but we were the same people. He was the same person. Exactly that same person who broke my heart over and over. I was overwhelmed with emotions from the past and I promised myself that this time around it will not be me who will fall in love and have her heart broken. True enough he did fall for me and I got him to purchase flight tickets to go see me in the Philippines. After that I stopped talking to him just like that. Of course there were days when I thought I should meet him but I realised they were days when my marriage was so unstable because of the frustrations and problems that came between James and me. I was satisfied that I had my revenge with the help of James I was able to make it look to Chris that my marriage sucks. His flight tickets cost him a good $1500 which for someone who worked as an assistant in an Internet Cafe is a lot. I didn't care. For breaking my heart that is not even enough.
I had the last laugh.
When I was 15 I got hooked into chatting online. I told people I was 17 or 18, depending on who I was talking to. At first it was just curiosity but as I met more people in the AOL chat rooms my little teenager mind has formulated a love story for me - I have dreamt to meet my future husband online and he will travel halfway around the world to meet me and we will live happily ever after! It was much, much later that I will realise that there are more twats and pervs online rather than Prince Charmings.
This online curiosity has taught me how many cute men there are but unfortunately so are empty brain what comes with each of them. At that point in time I knew that my type in men is someone who can hold a funny and interesting conversation with me and that was not easy to find in chat rooms. Until I met this guy, Chris. He wasn't in the category of Hot Men. In fact he wasn't a winner in the physical department at all. But he had a lot of opinion on a lot of things and nothing can beat an attractive mind. At that time we didn't have internet connection in our house so I spent most of my days at this Internet Cafe where a friend worked and he let me pay only an hour's fee instead of eight.
Several weeks and a few months of daily online conversations later I realised that I had fallen for Chris. I wrote him post mails, sent him postcards, emailed him every day, sent him messages on his beeper, left him offline IMs on AIM and sent him text messages on his mobile phone. He never sent me a post mail back and hardly responded to my messages. But this didn't deter me. On his 19th birthday, I phoned him but he was very unfriendly and dismissive of me. It was when he outright told me to stop talking to him and when I said 'I can't because I like you', all he said was "DON'T" and he logged out. This incident inspired me to write so many poems - the most I ever written in a short period of time. I think I have a full notebook of poems which I still have up to this moment. Well actually I left it in the Philippines and my mother is looking after it for me.
A few months short of seven years later, I got an IM from Chris. Nothing major, just a simple hello actually. I thought it was polite to say hello as well but that lead to us speaking again. We were no longer teenagers but we were the same people. He was the same person. Exactly that same person who broke my heart over and over. I was overwhelmed with emotions from the past and I promised myself that this time around it will not be me who will fall in love and have her heart broken. True enough he did fall for me and I got him to purchase flight tickets to go see me in the Philippines. After that I stopped talking to him just like that. Of course there were days when I thought I should meet him but I realised they were days when my marriage was so unstable because of the frustrations and problems that came between James and me. I was satisfied that I had my revenge with the help of James I was able to make it look to Chris that my marriage sucks. His flight tickets cost him a good $1500 which for someone who worked as an assistant in an Internet Cafe is a lot. I didn't care. For breaking my heart that is not even enough.
I had the last laugh.
14 March 2009
Better Late than Never
The cake I baked for James' birthday and pix of the MMO WoW Mouse I gave him for his bday.
On my husband's birthday (6 Feb), I didn't give him any present apart from the lovely and sinful chocolate cake that I baked myself. Of course I could have just bought him anything and wrap it nicely and hand it to him with a wide-toothed smile and say 'Happy Birthday, Love'. But I didn't want to just buy him another shirt or another set of boxers. I wanted to get him something I know he would love and he would use. So I decided it had to have something to do with either football, politics or WOW. I thought of a new Newcastle shirt but the second option sounded more suitable which was the SteelSeries Special-Edition World of Warcraft Mouse. The only website I would trust buying it from is the Official Blizzard Store though and it wasn't available for a long time. I have started to look at it two months before James' birthday but it was always out of stock. Then I had a look 10 days ago and voila! it was in stock. So I ordered it immediately and on Tuesday it was delivered to our door and James really loved it. It was a late birthday present but it was most definitely worth the wait :-)
13 March 2009
Goodbye Cyst!
The weather was mild and I was wearing my favourite coat (for the reason being it's the only Petite size 4 I could find and it fits me very well). I dreaded the trip to the Hospital as I always do. Again I had to go for a scan to make sure that the cyst on my left ovary has gone away. The doctor who performed the scan and an assistant (nurse) were very nice and they made me feel comfortable. They asked me more about my hair though rather than my cyst! They were both amazed at how "absolutely gorgeous and in great condition for its length". After Q&As about my hair, ie how often do I wash it, do I do it in the morning or evening, how long does it take to try, have I always had it this long etc., the doctor told me that I am all clear. I was so pleased to hear that because I really dread having to go through surgery, no matter how minor it is.
The downside of today is James have to work a late shift because he had to swap his morning shift so he could come with me to the hospital. Ah well I'll see him in about three hours xx
The downside of today is James have to work a late shift because he had to swap his morning shift so he could come with me to the hospital. Ah well I'll see him in about three hours xx
07 March 2009
How Death Inspires Us to Live
Today I found out that the great Filipino rapper Francis Magalona passed away yesterday, 06 March. Way too soon for he was only 44 years old.
Three days ago my great aunt passed away at only 61. It scared me when I found out the news from my mum. Just a couple of days prior to that, she had told me that her favourite aunt was taken to the hospital because of a mild stroke. It wasn't the fact that she was gone that saddened me quite deeply, but the realisation that life is not forever. Oftentimes we tend to take that fact for granted. It occurred to me that anytime my mother could follow the path to heaven and I know that I will never be able to forgive myself if that happened and I wasn't there for her and with her. But I have a life to live and she is a big part of it even though I am now married. I guess all I could do right now is be patient and wait until the right time has come that we can be together here because me going home is not really an option for I have James to consider as well. I just have to trust God to take care of my mother until I could again.
The death of one person makes me feel lucky to be alive. And while as a teenager I always wished I were dead, now I don't even think about my own death. I think of the people whom I love and who love me and suddenly death is not an option. I have been thinking of the future these past few weeks. I know it may sound selfish of me to urge James to get a degree but he is so much closer to it than me and therefore it is the most practical thing to do. He has an outstanding A Lvl-results. And while I'd get a secretarial diploma soon I honestly think that would count. The only way James and I can get a chance at a good life on our own is if he goes back to University and get a degree. He is really passionate about Politics and he refuses to go any other way but that. He seems to have forgotten that when we met he was in Manchester University studying Biology. I thought if he studied Economics he'd enjoy the course and it is still related to Politics. We still have to come up with a decision and soon. I see him doing great things in his life because he has all the qualities of a successful person - patient, intelligent, logical, kind and have a great sense of perseverance. He just needs a good kickin to get on with stuff and I guess that saying is true "Behind every successful man is a woman". In our case his wife :-)
Three days ago my great aunt passed away at only 61. It scared me when I found out the news from my mum. Just a couple of days prior to that, she had told me that her favourite aunt was taken to the hospital because of a mild stroke. It wasn't the fact that she was gone that saddened me quite deeply, but the realisation that life is not forever. Oftentimes we tend to take that fact for granted. It occurred to me that anytime my mother could follow the path to heaven and I know that I will never be able to forgive myself if that happened and I wasn't there for her and with her. But I have a life to live and she is a big part of it even though I am now married. I guess all I could do right now is be patient and wait until the right time has come that we can be together here because me going home is not really an option for I have James to consider as well. I just have to trust God to take care of my mother until I could again.
The death of one person makes me feel lucky to be alive. And while as a teenager I always wished I were dead, now I don't even think about my own death. I think of the people whom I love and who love me and suddenly death is not an option. I have been thinking of the future these past few weeks. I know it may sound selfish of me to urge James to get a degree but he is so much closer to it than me and therefore it is the most practical thing to do. He has an outstanding A Lvl-results. And while I'd get a secretarial diploma soon I honestly think that would count. The only way James and I can get a chance at a good life on our own is if he goes back to University and get a degree. He is really passionate about Politics and he refuses to go any other way but that. He seems to have forgotten that when we met he was in Manchester University studying Biology. I thought if he studied Economics he'd enjoy the course and it is still related to Politics. We still have to come up with a decision and soon. I see him doing great things in his life because he has all the qualities of a successful person - patient, intelligent, logical, kind and have a great sense of perseverance. He just needs a good kickin to get on with stuff and I guess that saying is true "Behind every successful man is a woman". In our case his wife :-)
05 March 2009
Winter Wonderland
So the dreaded winter has come and guess what? I survived it!
And I did not only survive it, I actually enjoyed it. People told me I had been really lucky that my first winter here turned out be gorgeously white! Apparently it had been quite a few years since they had such lovely snow and I absolutely loved it! Snow is more beautiful than it looks in movies. It was cold yes, but it is so pretty I forgot it was below freezing that I even went out at 10pm in my night dress! I especially loved it when it's just falling out of the skies, it feels lovely on my hair and skin. Yes, I really enjoyed the snow to say the least. Here are some photos of my Winter Wonderland!
And I did not only survive it, I actually enjoyed it. People told me I had been really lucky that my first winter here turned out be gorgeously white! Apparently it had been quite a few years since they had such lovely snow and I absolutely loved it! Snow is more beautiful than it looks in movies. It was cold yes, but it is so pretty I forgot it was below freezing that I even went out at 10pm in my night dress! I especially loved it when it's just falling out of the skies, it feels lovely on my hair and skin. Yes, I really enjoyed the snow to say the least. Here are some photos of my Winter Wonderland!
Faith
For the last few months you will find me looking out the window every chance I get. I think of how lucky I had been for the past twenty four years of my life. I always make sure I stop and thank God for all the blessings he has showered me and my family. He never let me hanging - not for too long anyway. Don't get me wrong, I do not live an enchanted life. I don't wish either because my life may not be worth a lot, but it certainly is worth living.
When I look out the window and watch the mirror images of the houses in the Lane, I recognise my blessing immediately. Occasionally I cry when I think I am staring at something that I have long dreamed of. Yes, I dreamt of going to a first world country but I did not have England/UK in mind particularly. In fact my dream destination was South Africa and New Zealand where a few of my relatives reside. Yep, I am so predictable! I love wildlife and all the animals in the world and I still hope to go on a Safari someday. But for now I am here in United Kingdom and I know a lot of people who would love to see this side of the world and I feel blessed that I am here. Some days when I feel down and homesick, I would stare out the window and tell myself "Ok, so now you're here... now what?". I find no answer of course as it is more of a rhetorical question. And I have to tell myself off for thinking that instead of being grateful that God granted me one of my many dreams. I think that people tend to look at the wrong side of the coin a lot of the times and they tend to focus on the dark side rather than the really cool and bright side of things. At this point in my life I really have no regrets. I have been really blessed and I was able to share my blessings and I lived my life without stepping on other people's dignity or pride. Of course if they bitched at me I swallow them whole and step on everything they got! ^_^
Ten years ago I did not have a home, but it was my choice. I ran away at the tender age of 14 and I lived with two different friends during the time that I was homeless. It had not been an easy ten years but looking back now it had not been that bad either. It could have been worse. James and I would often bring up religion and Faith in our many conversations and as usual, he doesn't really see the point of having Faith in something that he can't even begin to contemplate even considering. But as I always say to him he had a great life and a perfect childhood. He always had a perfect family. But for some of us who were not as lucky, having Faith in something greater than Science and more powerful than ourselves, Faith is everything. And to me that Faith is what keeps me going. It is the secret to my semi-enchanted and full-of-love life.
When I look out the window and watch the mirror images of the houses in the Lane, I recognise my blessing immediately. Occasionally I cry when I think I am staring at something that I have long dreamed of. Yes, I dreamt of going to a first world country but I did not have England/UK in mind particularly. In fact my dream destination was South Africa and New Zealand where a few of my relatives reside. Yep, I am so predictable! I love wildlife and all the animals in the world and I still hope to go on a Safari someday. But for now I am here in United Kingdom and I know a lot of people who would love to see this side of the world and I feel blessed that I am here. Some days when I feel down and homesick, I would stare out the window and tell myself "Ok, so now you're here... now what?". I find no answer of course as it is more of a rhetorical question. And I have to tell myself off for thinking that instead of being grateful that God granted me one of my many dreams. I think that people tend to look at the wrong side of the coin a lot of the times and they tend to focus on the dark side rather than the really cool and bright side of things. At this point in my life I really have no regrets. I have been really blessed and I was able to share my blessings and I lived my life without stepping on other people's dignity or pride. Of course if they bitched at me I swallow them whole and step on everything they got! ^_^
Ten years ago I did not have a home, but it was my choice. I ran away at the tender age of 14 and I lived with two different friends during the time that I was homeless. It had not been an easy ten years but looking back now it had not been that bad either. It could have been worse. James and I would often bring up religion and Faith in our many conversations and as usual, he doesn't really see the point of having Faith in something that he can't even begin to contemplate even considering. But as I always say to him he had a great life and a perfect childhood. He always had a perfect family. But for some of us who were not as lucky, having Faith in something greater than Science and more powerful than ourselves, Faith is everything. And to me that Faith is what keeps me going. It is the secret to my semi-enchanted and full-of-love life.
Updates on my boring but steady lucky life.
Four new bedroom cupboards, a new flat television, new mirror and even my own cork board just like the one I used to have in my bedroom back in the Philippines. Where there used to be a single bed now stands a double bed with a new mattress and two sets of bed clothes. I am half-pleased and half worried when I look at our bedroom. It is very generous and kind of my in-laws but it makes me realise that it may be years yet before James and I could get our own place. I don't mind living here with James' parents, they have been very nice to me. But there are instances when I wish we had a place of our own. I am not a morning person. Every one who is close to me knows this for a fact. It takes me a long time to actually wake up in the morning after getting out of bed. I require peace and quiet when I have my first cup of coffee and at least half an hour to ready myself to socialise in the smallest of ways. But here I don't get that luxury, save when every one is at work. I also need time on my own now and again when I feel like it. I could be watching the television screen and may appear to be there but the truth is, I am not really there. But how do I tell this to me in-laws when they knock on the door to ask me very thoughtfully if I am all right? Do I tell them that I am having time with myself and do not want to talked to when they shout to let me know they are home and they tell me how their day has been? Of course I don't. I have gotten used to it though. They deserve my attention when they want it because they give me more than that. It's the least I could do to be honest. I have found a way around it though. In the morning, I don't get up immediately upon waking up when I hear they are around. I lay another half an hour in bed before I get up to condition myself for a little early morning conversation in case my in-laws are around. I am slowly getting used to the British ways. But at the same time I am not forgetting my own ways in which my mother raised me to become the person I am now. I will choose the BESTS of both ways and incorporate them and perhaps it will make me a better person.
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