It's MY Life, so piss off it. It's not my fault you ain't got ONE.

Kisses to those who envy and hate.

Growing up just 10 minutes away from the red light district, you'll be surprised to know that I never actually seen what goes on in that strip until I was 17. Before that I never really understood why my mother never wanted me to say I am from Angeles City but being the person that I am, I didn't care. I told people where I am from when they asked. If they judge me for growing up in a place that is not even my choice, then that greatly reflects on them and not me. And surely if that's the case then they are simply not worth my time. I came to understand completely why my mum thought it was best I didn't tell people where I lived when I saw what was actually going on in that strip. But this did not change my stand on telling people where I am from. I never gave a rat's ass to what people think of me, of that I have been consistent. Why stop to care when I could just keep doing my thing and enjoy my life the way I like to and in the process kgive people more to talk about and laugh behind their backs

for being a no-lifer. When I got a job at Clarkton Hotel which is owned by a German businessman and caters for foreigners, my next-door neighbours soon speculated that I worked in one the girlie bars in the strip. I know this for a fact because every time i will walk past the gossipers their conversation will come to a sudden halt and put half a smile on. Our live-in housekeeper, Elena, also tells me that they ask her about what I do and why sometimes I go to work late nights. I told Elena to tell them she doesn't know what I do because I like the idea of people wasting their time thinking about my what and whereabouts. What I never understood is why they are so interested in me when I never shown a quarter of that interest towards them. I like to keep my business to myself and people think that if you do, you have something to hide. The rumours about me got worse when I met Noel, my first serious relationship. He was much older than me and everyone thought they were right. That only strengthened their opinion of me and that only made them look more pathetic in my eyes.
I had never let people's opinion of me affect me in any way because I thought if I did that then I will never be happy in my life because I will always have to watch what I do. I only live my life for me and my immediate family and very close friends. If you happen to not fall into either of those categories, then sorry to say that I don't care what you think about me. Oftentimes this attitude of mine did not go down well with my mum and sister because very unlike me, they do care what other people say.

None of my relatives live in Angeles City and needless to say they have an impression that everyone who lives there are prostitutes. I always knew they thought I was one and I did not give a flying fuck to say the least. Five years later I heard they still talk about me - same old shit. Damn I feel like a Hollywood Star! Have they very little to do with their pathetic lives? I guess this is a result of ignoring them all these years and just letting everything pass. Being the kind of people that they are, they probably expect me to defend mysef and beg them to believe I'm a decent woman. Some people think that one's silence is a sign of guilt and defeat but that is only for people who are either narrow-minded or plain dumb. Personally my silence should have told them that I do not care in the least bit what they thought about me and in my silence I also laugh at them for wasting too much time talking about me when I don't even think about them at all. People who mingle with other people's business have no business of their own and that is a fact. I realised that in this particular situation I am being used as an scapegoat for them to feel better about themselves. I don't get it. Why do people have to bring someone down to feel good about themselves? They need a patsy to boost their self-confidence and what's worse is they actually believe their own strings of lie in the process.

I am not your typical Filipina lady. She who is simple, traditional, soft spoken, shy and conservative. I am probably the exact opposite of that. I am quite liberal, I have a complex personality. I am a complicated person to crack. I am not traditional - I go for what works and what's practical. I am receptive of people's minds, I am not easily-shocked. And oftentimes a come-hither. Unlike most of my lady-like Filipina friends, I would speak my mind. It got me to trouble sometimes but what good is living if you can't tell people what you REALLY think? I don't act and speak as what the society I live in expects me to. But this attitude made it easy for me to know which of the people I know are keepers, usually those who can sit down and have a good conversation with and laugh to my sarky humour. This is what attracted me to my first boyfriend. But to those who wanted so much to bring me down it's an opportunity to slag me to death - behind my back. Unfortunately for them, they chose the wrong girl because I simply ignored them completely and lived life as it should be lived. I was in that relationship for 4 years.

Every one who knows me would agree that if I ware ever a hooker I would be filthy rich by now, if they were being honest. Why not? I was young, not bad looking and I can hold a good convo. Oh and yeah almost forgot my good figure, haha :) I don't normally blow my own whistle like some people I know but I am trying to make a point here. To put it shortly and bluntly, I had many choices and a lot of indescent proposals came my way. When I worked as a receptionist in a hotel and then later transferred to the Accounts Department (same company) I once thought how easy it would be to get rich fast. But I prefer to be with someone I enjoy being with and talking to as oppose to having all the material things while I loathe every second spent with my partner.

Back in the Philippines people considered you lucky if you got the chance to travel abroad - whether for leisure or business. I had the opportunity to travel to Thailand and UK, and all over the Philippines. At the age of 15 I won an International Letter Writing Contest and I was able to buy my sister and myself a mobile phone. This marked the beginning of my urge to help my family out. The feeling is amazing when you are able to put a smile on somebody's face, even greater when it's family. At the age of 16 I got to help out my parents a little bit when I started working full-time. At age 18 I was supporting my mum and helping my siblings when I can. I travelled on my own to Thailand at the age of 19 (Christmas present from my BF). At the age of 21 I got to put up my very own internet cafè with the help of my family. And in between I helped send my brother's daughters to school and buy them school things. Children are so lovely they are very appreciative of anything you give them - no matter how little. At 23 I got to travel half-way around the world to England and I'm still here.

It's sad that my mum's sister Terry and her daughter Kristina could not accept the fact that I achieved these things working decent jobs with a bit of luck and support from my family. Is it because she was able to go to University and in fact at the moment she is studying to be a nurse, whilst I barely finished Second year in High School? Is it because (as she kept emphasizing everytime we saw each other) she is a City Girl and a "professional" (by professional she means a call centre agent) whilst I am a country girl? Is it because she got knocked-up without having a steady boyfriend and now have a bastard for a son whilst I am happily married (mind you, with someone who is not rich at all... must have been a dumb hooker of me to choose someone just starting out with life when I could have chosen someone who is settled and stable)? Ah, I know... Is it because she can't accept that I achieved more in spite all the facts stated above? Or maybe her hypocrytical, lying no-lifer of a mother just gets off slagging people off because that is the only way she feels good anymore. It is really sad. She dares spread the word about me being a prostitute... but even if I were, at least hookers gets paid. She should tell that to her daughter who gives free blowjobs to blokes she only met hours ago in the middle of the steps of a club.
If I am giving them something to do this way and if I help make them feel good about themselves, no problem. They just have to realise that they only inspire me to do better. I hope that the day will come when they don't have to gossip about other people and put them down in order to up their own self-esteem. My mother raised me well and I have enough confidence in myself and fun in my life that I never have to think bad of other people to feel good about myself. And for this I never talked about them despite the fact that there are lots to say about them. That just doesn't get me off. So here's how it's gonna be: they'll keep gossiping about me and I will keep living it up here. They can't say anything about me that has not been said before so they can shove their gossipy dirty mouths up their uptight asses for all I care.