Forgive but not Forget

For the past three years I always had to look at an old Folder in my e-mailbox to check what date G's birthday is. And for the past three years I had to scan the emails all over again. For the sentimental kind of person that I am it's not a good thing. As I said he probably don't care to hear from me ever again but I still sent him a text message wishing he had a good birthday. 17 hours later I got a reply saying he did have a good birthday but he does not recognize my number. Needless to say he has deleted my number which doesn't surprise me at all. At least I got to greet him a happy birthday on his... 27th I think. Gosh that makes me 24 now and in five months time I will be a year older. This post just gets sadder lol.

I have apologised and in fact I said 'I'm sorry' along with happy birthday wishes on my text yesterday but I am not going to push it. If he forgives me in time I will deeply appreciate it otherwise there is really nothing I could do. The younger me would probably drown in sorrow whilst I think how wrong I was but now that I am older (and I'd like to think that I'm wiser too) I also recognise the fact that EVERYTHING has two sides to it. Life is give and take or at least that's the way it should be. He also said a lot of things that hurt me in the past and I forgave him. He did a lot of things that was very careless and inconsiderate and I did not hesitate to overlook them. But there is only so much I can take as a 19 year old girl. Anger got the better of me I admit that but it does not wipe the fact that I only reacted to what has been said and done to me. If he thinks I should not be forgiven then that is his opinion and I should respect it. Of the number of times he told me to stop emailing him, that he has blocked my email and sent me "drunken emails" I wonder if I should have done the same (minus the drunken emails cos I don't drink). I hardly ever close my door because I believe every one deserves as many chances as I could give. I forgive but I don't forget. To most people this is probably wrong but personally I don't forget because I don't want people who have hurt me to think it's OK to do it again. I don't forget because I don't want them to forget either. When things are good again I don't want them to feel like they've been perfect because I just don't believe forgetting is good for any relationship. I forgive and accept the flaws whole-heartedly. When I look back at my relationship with James I remember every thing we fought about and then I smile and think, 'wow we've been through a lot and we're still together and now we're very happy'. I would sometimes bring up the time I waited at the airport for James for 3 hours and worried sick for him for 18 agonizing hours before he had the balls to tell me he wasn't coming. Of course that is easy to forgive but since he did that three times it's a different story. But now we (more me though) can laugh at it and he is able to realise how much I love him and accept him for all his flaws. So, NO I choose not to forget.