Yesterday morning, I had half a cup of coffee for breakfast and a long letter from James' mum. I find it really weird that she'd write a letter when we live in the same house and see each other every day. Apparently she wrote us a letter to avoid a discussion into turning to an argument. Fair enough. The letter was just about me renewing my Visa (to a Residency one) and James going back to University. But she mentioned about me not having a social life - no British friends and social life were her exact words. I do have a social life - online. I have British friends - online as well :) There is Gareth but he is out of the question, he's not interested in becoming my friend once again. It made me think if I want to live here permanently. My immediate answer is NO. I don't have family here, no friends and no pets. Everything that I am doing here I can do better back home. But of course that answer quickly turns into a YES after I have considered the people around me. I do wish I had non-virtual friends here and a proper social life but I don't and to be honest I am quite content. I sometimes wish I could go out at night even if it's just to go to a club to listen to extremely loud music and drown all my thoughts in the sound. I sometimes wish I had friends to go dancing with. But I don't. And even if I were back home all my mates are all busy moms and going out is not even an option for them. So it isn't much different anyway.

I do miss the beach - a lot. There is something about the beach that calms me all over. Even the cold beach of Great Yarmouth made me feel really calm and happy. When I go back to the Philippines for a holiday I will make sure I go to Boracay because that place is amazing!

Forgot to mention I bought some books yesterday. Had to buy them from the bookshop because the Library was closed. I got Lovers and Players by Jackie Collins and Rise of the Horde by Christie Golden. Since I am over-WOW'd at the moment, I need these books :)

Sensitive skin suckZ

I always wondered why my mom needed to put so much stuff on her face - toner, cleanser, moisturisers, day and night creams etc. I only ever used POND'S facial foam and POND'S cream, the latter I probably wouldn't have used if my sister didn't use it. As a 12 year old kid I was curious as to what her secret was for being so pretty, she was in University then. I tried other stuff on my face, from cheap to more top-of-the-range brands but I always ended up with sticky and itchy skin so I gave up on the whole moisturising my face and body lotions. I did not need it anyway - THEN. But since I got here in the UK, my skin just got incredibly dry and annoying. I HAD to use something. I have tried many different types of moisturisers but I got the same reactions to most of them. But I had to make do with NIVEA and Johnson's since they made me itch less.

Last Christmas, Liz gave me a Body Shop Gift Pack with different moisturisers and body scrub in it and not only did I love the smell of it but my body actually reacted nicely to the body butter most especially. Yesterday I had a look around Body Shop in town and asked the lady there about facial moisturisers for dry skin and she recommended me the Jajoba range and I thought to myself, why not? Last night I tried the exfoliator, cleanser, toner and the moisturiser and my skin felt really soft and smooth and the best thing is that I didn't itch and the cream did not feel too heavy or sticky. Overall a good find! Of course I prefer the way it was back home where my skin was in a lot better condition without me having to spend money and effort taking care of it. But I guess the good in all this is that I am taking care of my skin the way I should, really. After all I am not getting any younger.

Maple Syrup Diet

I heard about the maple syrup diet which supposedly helped Beyonce lose 22 lbs. Ms Karen Davila, a news anchor in the Philippines swears by this as well. I'm so curious that I want to try it. I got all the stuff for it but at the moment I only weight 6st 11lbs so it's not a good time. If I gain weight I would try it just to see if it's just another fad diet.

McDreamy V Spock

I've just finished watching You Changed My Life starring Sarah Geronimo and John Lloyd Cruz. I have to say it's not as good as the prequel (A Very Special Love). I think that Laida embodies a woman who is very clingy and builds her world around one person. I liked it when she said to Miggy: "kulang pa dahil pakiramdam ko mas mahal kita" (it's not enough because I feel like I love you more). I believe what they say that in every relationship, there is someone who loves the other more. It's a bit scary if you are that person who loves your other half more than he/she loves you. But I think it's not something to worry about because the different intensity of your love should compliment each other. Some people are just able to give more emotionally and perhaps some people don't let on as much as the other. I've only had one relationship before I got married and I am pretty certain I got loved more and it felt amazing to know that I am worthy enough of such big admiration. Personally I wouldn't mind being the person who loves the other more. I like giving and it really gives me great satisfaction when I know I make people feel loved and happy. The trouble with Laida is that she wants her boyfriend's 100% attention which I think is a bit selfish of her considering she knows how much Miggy have dreamt of being successful at his career and to make his father proud of him. Personally I think a relationship gets more interesting if you can be together but still have your own space. Laida should just support Miggy with his career and learn not to be too clingy. I heard that they already started the script for a Part 3 to Laida and Miggy's love story. I hope that it will be more mature kasi sobrang corny na, some scenes were a little too exaggerated and childlike.

Last night I watched The Grudge Part Three with James but I knew he wasn't really interested. It made me jump a few times (what's new) but we didn't get to finish it. The video was missing the last 15 minutes to the film which was really annoying!

And last week we went to the Pictures to see Star Trek and it was not as bad as I thought it was going to be since I am not really a fan of Sci-Fi movies. My stepdad used to watch Star Trek on the telly but I thought it was crap. I liked the movie though. I thought it was a pretty well made film and I think Spock is hot. I looked up the actor who played Spock in the movie and found out his name is Zachary Quinto. I have never heard of him before but I think he is truly gorgeous. It turns out he was a guest star in my all time favourite TV series Charmed which I use to watch religiously with my mum waaaay back then.

As handsome as Spock (2009) is, still NOTHING AND NO ONE can ever beat my McDreamy!

I miss my best friend Sarah

BFF: Vivien & Sarah

Forgive but not Forget

For the past three years I always had to look at an old Folder in my e-mailbox to check what date G's birthday is. And for the past three years I had to scan the emails all over again. For the sentimental kind of person that I am it's not a good thing. As I said he probably don't care to hear from me ever again but I still sent him a text message wishing he had a good birthday. 17 hours later I got a reply saying he did have a good birthday but he does not recognize my number. Needless to say he has deleted my number which doesn't surprise me at all. At least I got to greet him a happy birthday on his... 27th I think. Gosh that makes me 24 now and in five months time I will be a year older. This post just gets sadder lol.

I have apologised and in fact I said 'I'm sorry' along with happy birthday wishes on my text yesterday but I am not going to push it. If he forgives me in time I will deeply appreciate it otherwise there is really nothing I could do. The younger me would probably drown in sorrow whilst I think how wrong I was but now that I am older (and I'd like to think that I'm wiser too) I also recognise the fact that EVERYTHING has two sides to it. Life is give and take or at least that's the way it should be. He also said a lot of things that hurt me in the past and I forgave him. He did a lot of things that was very careless and inconsiderate and I did not hesitate to overlook them. But there is only so much I can take as a 19 year old girl. Anger got the better of me I admit that but it does not wipe the fact that I only reacted to what has been said and done to me. If he thinks I should not be forgiven then that is his opinion and I should respect it. Of the number of times he told me to stop emailing him, that he has blocked my email and sent me "drunken emails" I wonder if I should have done the same (minus the drunken emails cos I don't drink). I hardly ever close my door because I believe every one deserves as many chances as I could give. I forgive but I don't forget. To most people this is probably wrong but personally I don't forget because I don't want people who have hurt me to think it's OK to do it again. I don't forget because I don't want them to forget either. When things are good again I don't want them to feel like they've been perfect because I just don't believe forgetting is good for any relationship. I forgive and accept the flaws whole-heartedly. When I look back at my relationship with James I remember every thing we fought about and then I smile and think, 'wow we've been through a lot and we're still together and now we're very happy'. I would sometimes bring up the time I waited at the airport for James for 3 hours and worried sick for him for 18 agonizing hours before he had the balls to tell me he wasn't coming. Of course that is easy to forgive but since he did that three times it's a different story. But now we (more me though) can laugh at it and he is able to realise how much I love him and accept him for all his flaws. So, NO I choose not to forget.

It's a lovely Sunday afty and I'm almost done with my chicken curry I started from scratch. There is so many different types of curry paste off the shelves in the supermarket here but I get more satisfaction when I cook stuff from scratch. We've been having a lovely spell of weather the past few days and it helps me cope better with home sickness. And having my laptop in the kitchen helps too, I can watch Pinoy soaps and variety shows whilst I cook :) I'm watching Wowowee at the moment which my mum wouldn't be so happy about since she always told me it's an idiotic show which I agree but it's entertaining and funny so sue me!

I hate myself today because this is the 3rd year I have forgotten the exact date of Gareth's birthday. I just know it's 2_ of May and it's annoying that I never remember the date. Ah well not like I'd find out again anyway. I'm probably on top of his most hated people list. I don't blame him. Time to serve Sunday dinner so more later.

My Take on Dr Hayden Kho Videos

Senator Bong Revilla Jr. called Dr. Hayden Kho a maniac and a pervert of the highest kind in his privilege speech on 20 May entitled "A Doctor's Perversity". I think he means 'perversion' though. Not that I expect anything more from him to be honest.

The Dr Hayden Kho scandalous videos has been stirring up a lot of attention and controversy back home and the media did not fail to sensationalize it. I watched an interview with Katrina Halili where she said "maawa naman po kayo, binababoy nyo kami sa panonood at pagbili ng DVDs ng mga videos". She has my sympathy but not because she was seen naked in a video because she's posed completely naked for FHM and PLAYBOY magazines so many times and she even produced her own sexy calendar if I'm not mistaken. What she should have said is that her privacy has been violated and everybody knows it's illegal to video someone without their consent hence even shops with CCTV has to post a note that a camera is running in their premises. I feel sorry that she's been betrayed by the person she loved but then again I believe in Karma. She slept with another woman's man, Dra Vicky Belo, a celebrity cosmetic surgeon whom in fact made her a main endorser for the very popular Belo Medical Group which helped her career a bit. I feel more sorry for the other two girls who also were in separate videos with Dr Hayden Kho. Their image is nothing like that of Katrina and I suppose they could have gone that route to fame but opt not to and then they get violated like this. Some people say it wasn't Dr Kho who uploaded the videos but his best friend who allegedly sold the clips for 2M pesos. The point is he set up a hidden camera and the women he was with obviously weren't aware of it. This is one of the worst form of betrayal - private and cherished moments put out there for the public to ogle upon and judge you with. I hope Dr Hayden Kho does not get away with such betrayal. He should think about opening his own clinic, a pyschiatric ward and be the first patient in it.

**Yes I have seen all four scandalous videos but not posting the link on my blog for obvious reasons.**

Happy Mother's Day, Nanay!

Whilst Mothering Sunday is celebrated in March here in the UK, we don't celebrate ours back home until the second Sunday of May. I made a little something for my nanay (mother) and posting it today in case I don't get to do it in time for Sunday.

WATCH IN HD (CLICK ON HQ)

Hitman V Pacman

Pacman strikes again!
I have to admit I felt very nervous before the fight because Hatton has a brilliant record as a professional boxer and he seemed very confident. Not to mention that he is the bigger man of the two. But it has turned out to be the most disappointing Pacman fight I've ever seen. Hatton did not seem ready at all it was very amateur of him of stand there leaving his face wide open that of course Pacman took advantage of and man that was a fatal blow that shook Hatton to the core. For a minute there I got worried for Hatton's health because he lay there looking like he is about to pass out completely. Thank God he's all right. Another victory for the Philippines! I hope he does not venture into politics though. Philippine politics is the source of poverty in the country and is a bloody joke. As well liked as Pacman is, one man could not do the dirty job alone. Besides he will just be used and corrupted by those already in power. He should just continue with his charities and philantrophic deeds since that is his reason for wanting to gain a seat in the government. I read an article on Sunday's Telegraph Magazine and it's quite an interesting read. I admire Manny for his humility and strong faith in God. People nowadays claim to have strong faith in Him but that's only because they are suffering in this difficult times. I think people should trust in God more in good times because most of us forget to thank Him for all the blessings he's given us. If he ever got tired of hearing prayers that began with "Please give me..." or "Forgive me for..." or if he ever heard enough prayers that began with "Thank you so much for..." I don't know. Manny is at the peak of his career now but his faith in God remains intact and strong as I'm sure it will still be when the good times are over. I'm proud of him because he is a real Filipino Champion.