Needles and Me

Today I had to go back to the hospital for further tests. My appointment letter says I am there for an xray and another ultrasound but when I got there, I was met by a breast surgeon and a nurse who briefed me about the 'procedure' I was about to have. I was terrified when I heard the word 'procedure'.

I have always been scared of needles. Seriously. The first time I have ever crossed the road successfully was when I was 9 years old after escaping from the Dermatology Clinic because they were about to cauterise the viral infection I contacted from the swimming pool we frequented at the time. In elementary I tried running away from the school clinic during the Hepatitis vaccination programme. I would pull my loose milk teeth with a string so my mum would not take me to the dentist to have them taken out. And when I was a bit older I yelled at the student nurses at one hospital when they tried to put me through a drip. I was more concerned of the needle going through my skin than my blood pressure getting dangerously low. If I recall correctly the doctor said it was at 60/50. Yep, it was that bad. My family and friends never did understand how I could easily pierce my belly button and ears.
I had my belly button pierced when I was 15, influenced by the cover girls on FHM magazines that my brother collected. I had to have it re-pierced just a few months later (before it even got the chance to fully heal) after my brother's dog, Rex, jumped on me due to over-excitement. And for a third time when the folder I was holding got caught between the barbell and I pulled it off too fast. I had to wait several weeks until the wound has healed before I could pierce it again. I didn't mind, it inspired me to stay fit. And well, yes I do have six ear piercings , three on each ear. I wanted a helix piercing as well which I never got around to doing and I'm not that bothered about it now so I probably won't be having it done anymore.

Anyway, I'd have any part of my body pierced before I have another biopsy. It was such a horrible experience. The nurse was mighty nice to volunteer to hold my hand and she was ever so concerned. I have a gift. I recognise genuineness. I have a curse too though. I am too empathetic. Today at the hospital both came to me. It happens every time I go to the hospital, which wasn't often at all until I came to the UK. This is why I didn't think I would mind the biopsy so much. Since registering at my local GP, I have had a series of blood tests and several trips to the hospital. The most notable of all was having my Implanon put in and taken out just after five months and that time I went to the hospital for a strange pain in my tummy, the doctor who said she was just going to take blood sample ended up putting me through a drip as well! The supposed short trip to the hospital took about three hours (it would have been five had I not refused to stay for more drip which the lady doctor recommended) because, apparently, I am hypotensive. I have that problem every time I see a doctor. They keep trying to up my blood pressure but it refuses to go any higher than 80/50-odd. No, doctor I don't feel dizzy. Well I didn't but I do now... seeing that big drip needle inside my arm and feeling that cold metal fascinator against my skin.
I am very proud to say that I am no longer scared of going for blood tests. In fact I would have loved to donate blood but they won't allow me to, being hypotensive and all. Perhaps in the future if my blood pressure stabilises, I will definitely donate blood. Right now I'll just be happy to be a registered organ donor.


I was told the last time I was in at the Breast Care Department of the CRH that they are positively certain that all it is Fibroadenoma and I shouldn't worry. The nurse told me that I should get a confirmation letter from my GP in ten days. I did get a letter a week later, all right, but it was no confirmation. Instead it was a letter for further tests, an appointment they made for me today. I always make it a point to apologise to the anaesthetist (or even if it's just the GP or nurse) when I look away when they are still talking me through the procedure I am about to have. Anything that involves a needle (or needles as was the case today) I just look away, and I apologise for doing so in case they think I am ignorant or rude.
I really wasn't prepared for the biopsy today. The letter I got says 'further ultrasound and Xray' so I was quite surprised finding out otherwise. I had to condition my mind and body for a couple of days before getting my belly button pierced, pinching the skin in that area numeral times a day!
I could swear I squeezed the poor nurse's hand too hard. I did apologise as soon as I stopped shaking and shivering.
They gave me another appointment to discuss the biopsy results and my options on Tuesday-week. Fingers crossed they will set my mind at ease once and for all.

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This is me @ the test centre on Sunday.