So what's up with me? I bet you're dying to know.

Yesterday, James and I had a productive day as what his mother would call it. Since being ill for two weeks and mending my right kidney, it was great to actually be out to town again with James. At 11, we were in SpecsSavers for my sight test, which my mother-in-law has booked for me. She had been wishing I'd go for an eye test since noticing that I squint when I look at her when she speaks to me. And I admitted that I could not make out her facial features at a certain distance, that I would not recognise her until she utters a word. She felt I needed to see an optician, and that's what I did. After a series of test, mostly reading letters and telling the optician which looked clearer to me as she adjusted each picture, (which made me really dizzy and I wouldn't doubt if the test made my sight even worse) the optician has told me that I definitely need to wear glasses, especially if I start driving, and she would suggest wearing them at all times so it doesn't get worse. My prescription states that my right eye is worse than my left, -1.25 and -1.00, whatever that means because nobody really bothered explaining it to me. I'm guessing I'm short-sighted since I find it difficult seeing distant objects.
Now the dilemma is whether to get glasses or not. If it were up to me, definitely NO. Firstly, Prescription glasses may cost James up to £150, which is really ridiculous. Secondly, glasses don't suit me, and thirdly (to counter Maddie's suggestion of contact lenses) I hate contacts! I have tried them before because I looked cool with grey eyes, but it's a huge pain in the arse to put in, let alone to take out. My vision was perfect before I got here. My mum was amazed how I can read really small text on the computer from the far side of her bed, and now I can't even watch the telly properly. I think it's a side effect of the contraceptive I have been prescribed. This all began when I started taking them, and I noticed a week later that I could not see my own reflection in the mirror, and I even told James that I can't see people's faces when we went to the supermarket the following day. Maybe my doctor can change my pill and my sight will be back to it's normal perfectness. But no glasses for me, thankyouverymuch.

We were just in time for my appointment in Pitman Training with Carla, good job it's just around the corner from Specs. Carla was a very tall woman, a bit plump to my standard but probably normal to James's English one. But she was very nice and friendly and polite. She not only explained the courses to me, but also suggested some things we could do to hasten the process. It's flexi studies so I make my own schedule, and just let them know. You know the feeling when you just want to get things done and over with, that's exactly what I felt, so I said I will sign up for the secretarial course which will run for 180 hours, over a period of 6 weeks, but I was told if I find a job during that time, they are open to make adjustments, but I doubt it. So at the end of the course, I shall have a diploma in Secretarial Course, and an OCR certificate from Pitman Training, but of course I would need to pass the tests after each unit. I get to choose two electives which is cool, I said I want to study Flash/Photoshop expert and Carla said I may do that but neither are really useful to being a secretary. I perfectly know that, me not being a complete idiot of course, it's just something I have always wanted to be good at. But anyway, my electives can be decided on much later in the training. So I start on Monday, quite happy about it actually. My parents-in-law paid for the tuition fee. £2,500 for a 6week-course and one diploma.The £5,000 tuition fee in Chesterfield College for an ICT course over a period of a year sounds cheaper to me now, to be honest. I never thought they will be so generous to me. I expected them to just be a snob and blame me for their son's failure to complete University. I mean, after all, if not for me, James would be getting his degree in Biology this year. He is very lucky to have a pair of wonderful parents. His upbringing is the best he could ask for, really. Sometimes it is so overwhelming that saying "thank you" is not barely enough, but I guess it will have to do.
It's just started raining here now, and I think I will finish my book by Penny Vincezi called "An Absolute Scandal" which is proving to be really engrossing.

The spirit that will guard the Allen Garden

It has been a week but it still haunts me until now. I'm always paranoid when I hear even the slightest noise against the windows, or the patio door.
James and I were having a lovely Sunday meal when we heard a loud bang on the patio door, it made us jump and look. At first I thought it was a football that the kids somehow managed to kick over the hedge that far into the garden. But unfortunately it was not a football, it was a pigeon what crashed into the patio door, a deadly crash indeed. I could never stand seeing animals get hurt and it made me sick to see the pigeon on the grass bed twitch for the last time and it was devastating to see its head sink into its body, and I knew it had breathe it's last. But I asked James to have a check on it if it's still alive perhaps we could nurse it better. Unfortunately, I was right and after we've finished our dinner (it had taken us quite a bit to finish our meal since seeing something like that is pretty shocking it took our appetites away), James said he's going to bury the pigeon and I went with him and plucked a purple flower from its lush bush in the garden, and buried it with the pigeon. I thought it was really sweet of James to do that, and not just chuck the carcass into the compost skip. He really is such a sensitive person and I adore him for having such high respect for all things living - in the case of the pigeon, well, was living.
James and I have agreed that we will have blinds or some sort of decorative curtains when we have our own place, to prevent this kind of incident. I don't want my house to be a death trap to birds. They really are lovely creatures, they sing for you, they even eat your stale bread!
It was really shocking, that. One minute the pigeon was flying so free, taking on the skies in all its glory and in a split second, it was all over. Coincidentally, the night before, I had a really scary dream. I was sat in the same chair as I was whilst eating Sunday dinner when the incident happened, and there were a group of people around me in the same table and a bloke who held a gun and pointed it at my head and fired it just as James entered the room. I actually felt it and when I dropped to the floor, I felt my head go all soft and then I woke up. Of course when I told James this, he said there is no connection to my dream and the pigeon's death, neither of us are superstitious, but I can't help thinking what if it was some sort of message being sent to me? Ridiculous, really.

Yay to our new bed!

On Maddie's 56th, we gave her a card but she gave us a present - a new double bed, + new bedclothes and duvet cover :-) It's so big and high I can almost touch the ceiling LOL In fact, I think they forgot to deliver the ladder what should have come with it *_* Man, man the bed makes me sleep like a log... but don't I anyways? :D

Photos from Madeleine's Birthday Dinner

Indeed a picture never lies

Madeleine and Chris still happy and in-love after thirty years of marriage. It's amazing to see couples get through thick and thin, or what we call life's challenges.. Life is not easy, and marriage certainly takes a lot of hard work. James is right - you only just hear of divorces, you never hear of couples who stay together for years and years. Because only rubbish sells :p

It's 9:30 in the morning and surprise surprise, I am up and havin mg cup of coffee :-) Madeleine left me a note asking me to bake a cake and some buns which she can take to work with her, so I guess I have got something to do this morning. It's nice to be asked to cook and bake because there is no better way to show appreciation (and that they actually like my cooking)! I just wish she specified what cake she wants... I'll go for a Victorian spongecake since they don't like chocolate cakes much. So, wish me luck that my cake doesn't crumble! ^_^

The Wheels are Turning

On Wednesday, Maddie and I made a trip back to Chesterfield College again to see Sharon, the Head Registrar. She is a lovely woman with a very soft-spoken voice and very polite. She explained that since I have only been here in the UK for three months that I am still classed as an International Student, and therefore I am expected to pay more than the normal rate. She also said that after 2 years, I would be paying as what the locals do, and a year after that I will be able to avail of the free courses offered by the British Government. I took note of how she made it sound like three years is just around the corner.

When asked what course I am interested in, I said IT is on top of my list, and Maddie explained that I already am good with computers but I need a formal certificate to prove it so I can get a well-paid job, and one suited for my skills. I can’t be so sure as to how obvious my shock was and at what level did it show on my face when she quoted us the tuition fee for Level 1 NVQ in IT and NVQ in Business Administration. I’m sure I heard £3,600 and £5,000 (350,000-500,000 pesos), I just couldn’t recall which course is priced more ridiculously than the other. Maddie didn’t sound so shock, perhaps she didn’t want me to know, or Sharon for that matter.

I don’t really know what to think of all this. On one end, I am delighted that I have a chance to go to College and perhaps continue to University, and on the other hand I feel guilty for being a burden to my parents-in-law. I have been the reason James had given up his spot in University of Manchester, he spent the money what was given to him by his parents on our lavish wedding, his parents had paid for a specialised Solicitor to make sure I get a VISA to come here and when I did they gave us a lift from Birmingham Airport to live here at 184. And now she is going to pay for my tuition fees. When she asks me what I want to do for a course, I don’t know what to say, not because I don’t know what I want to take up, but because I know how much the course of my choice will cost them. And no, it’s not a loan, which makes me feel guiltier.

It’s her birthday on Tuesday and I guess I have to wait for her next one so I can get a little something from my own fruit of labour in England. For now, a card, which James and I have bought two weeks ago from the Card Factory will have to do.

The weather has improved a lot these past few days. Today, it was about 27 degrees. James and I walked down to Brim to the Doctor’s to collect my prescription and the chemist just around the corner to it to get my free contraceptives. Apparently, I’d have to see my doctor again before I can get my next lot of meds, but that is three months away. I wonder how my life will be like by then. Hopefully I'd be more at-ease to venture out on my own. But then again, even back home I don't really go out on my own. In fact, I hardly ever go out at all.

The first book I borrowed from the local Library is by Jackie Collins, who, apart from my mother, is my favourite author. It's her new book and it's the only one in the shelves that I haven't read before. It's called Drop Dead Beautiful. It's really no different from the other books she has written, but I like the way she indulges the readers. Personally, I get into a completely different world of my own and I get to just focus on the book and get lost in it, since it's such an easy read. I've enjoyed reading Grisham, Clancy and Dan Brown's books but Jackie Collins is completely different. Sometimes it's just nice to sit down and read a book and get entertained by a unique sarky humour what comes naturally to Jackie Collins. I've returned the book two weeks ago, and I'm starting on one of Madeleine's favourite book called Polo by another British writer. So far, it's very light and racy, kind of like Jackie Collins but I think this one is more on the serious side than a bit humorous. Shame, because I really dig sarcasm ^_^

Anyway, it's past midnight here now and I've got to warm the bed next to my husband. I fear the turning off the lights before we go to bed, because all I see is the house in the Philippines and my cats meowing at me, and all I could think of is what I would be doing if I were there instead. I bless the day Meg came to live with me for a while, and left me three lovely kittens, who have grown into meddling cats, but ah well, they gave me lots and lots of joyful memories. And when the lights are out, in complete darkness, the white fur and the blue/green eyes glow right at me...

Yesterday, James came home from work with two of my favourites! Pasalubong, British-style :-)

England Diaries: 3 months and 11 days in.

The weather here for the past three days had not been bad at all. In fact yesterday I could've sworn it felt like the Philippines, just not quite as humid. It's amazing how no matter how hot and sunny it gets here, you just never sweat. It was the perfect weather for some dandy strawberry-picking! It was the second time Maddie and I went there to pick some fresh strawberries. The fruit is five times bigger than it's Baguio counterpart. I like picking strawberries, even if I get prickly skin afterwards. i enjoy it so much that I get into it so much I don't want to stop even after i have filled my basket up. Maddie and I spoke about me going for an intensive course in college as we've just been to Chesterfield College before driving to the strawberry farm. She reckons it is the best way for me to completely settle here and get British qualifications and certificates to prove my skill. It's heart-warming how she shows her genuine concern to both her son and I. She said it is worth it to invest on James and I and they are going to pay for whatever the college may charge for the course of my choice. She said that James should also think about getting some more qualifications even if he's already finished his ALevels. I know some Filipinos abroad might think I should work anything - be it a cleaner or a carer, but I know I am better than that. It is nothing about being too proud or maarte, it is just me being Vivien and thinking about the future. Unlike other people who keeps telling me I'm still young, I do not agree that I should take time for granted. Surely I can be a cleaner or a carer if I decide to but that will be wasting time, time what I cannot afford to lose and time what I DO NOT WANT to lose. If I work on being what I want to do and looking into the future as to what I'd like to see myself in five, ten years from now, then the time I would have wasted being a cleaner or a caregiver I could just spend lounging in the beach with my family back home. It's a choice I have made and it's the choice I know will work out for my plans in the future. Sometimes I think back and wonder if I ever get to finish my studies, would I have found a better job here quicker? But then I thought, would I be here in the first place if I lived the boring and obvious path? And I conclude that I don't regret it one little bit. I got to help my parents, most especially my mum during the time I was out of school. And it was my choice to stop again when my brother was kind enough to pay for my tuition fees in a very good Highschool in Manila. It was my choice to start work at 15, have a full time work at 17 and have my own internet cafe at just 20. Even at 20, I had another chance to continue my studies, but perhaps it was just not the right time. I wouldn't trade helping my family out for a diploma because there is nothing like knowing you've helped someone you love. It is the most amazing feeling one can ever feel in one's lifetime. I can't begin to imagine how life would have been if I had not chosen what I had. My decisions in life were not all right, but I had the chance to make it right somehow or another and there is just not room for regrets or pointing a finger at anyone at all because every little thing what happened to my life is my choice. And I am comforted by the thought that I realise that the time is right to pursue my studies RIGHT NOW, and inspired by the fact that everything I do now with my life is completely up to me and only got myself to blame as to whatever the outcome will be - be it good or bad. I am grateful that I have been surrounded by wonderful family and supportive friends back home, and even after travelling 8,000 miles, I am still blessed by having a lovely second family. The world has a way of giving back to you, and I have always been very aware and fond of that fact.
Life is never easy, but it's not that hard either. Just when I thought I am at a difficult stage, someone tells me it's dead easy. And I know that when the time has come to give back, I will just be too eager.